Snarky comments about weight -- would you respond?

[PamNY]

The Susan Boyle thread made me think of this. If someone in a social setting makes a snarky remark about other people's weight or appearance, would you let them know you don't like that kind of talk?

In the past, I haven't, but nowadays I'm inclined to respond to a "fat" comment the same way I would respond to a racist comment.

It's all very well to blather on anonymously online about these things, but what would you do IRL? In the past, I've done nothing. I guess it will liven up my social life if I change that policy.

Pam

[uforgot]

Yes, I would let them know. Weight, age, race, wardrobe, whatever, it doesn't matter. Most things roll off of my back, I don't anger easily, but this is the one thing that does it! I still remember telling my teachers in school that having two people choose sides was not very nice, and I still stand behind it. It's the same thing only a little less subtle. It's painful for the ones who aren't popular, or athletic, etc. No, I wasn't the last one chosen, but the looks on the faces of the ones that were, while the choosers roll their eyes over who they are stuck with...how can anyone not see it!!! I also have a bi-racial student in my class. She tells the other students that comments don't bother her. Guess what?!? I've watched her cry in my room privately over what they say.

Joking, serious whatever, it's WRONG!

Edit: Oh, boy, sorry for the rant. This really hits a nerve.

[channlluv]

I've had people make snarky comments about their own weight in front of me. A tall, thin, very fit friend and a couple of very thin, very fit women she knows better than I, went on and on about their to pregnancy weights at a moms-only get together at her house once. "When I was nine months pregnant with S___, I was close to 200 pounds. I was such a cow!"

And there I sat at the end of the table, not pregnant, topping out at 250-something...it was uncomfortable. I didn't say anything and the conversation turned to something else. I find the thinnest people talk the most about weight. Usually their own, to which I usually look them in the eye and say, "Seriously?" I think it's all relative, but sometimes I wish I could strap a 100-pound fat suit on them and let them see what it's really like to be obese.

The only people who make snarky comments about other people's weight in front of me are kids, and then I usually ask them how they'd feel if someone teased them about their appearance.

Roxy

[OakLeaf]

It depends. In a business relationship, if I say anything (which I don't always), it'll be at most a gentle reminder. Same thing when it's distant family. If I'm the client or customer, in all likelihood I won't be back. But in the opposite situation, when I wasn't the boss, I didn't feel I had the right to drive away a paying customer, and when I was, honestly, if I fired every client who ever made a racist remark in my office, I'd have gone broke. (It's amazing the things people say in private when they assume you're straight and white. )

So, basically, it's only with close family and in casual social situations that I'm outspoken about that stuff. I wish I had more courage.

[Veronica]

I've had people make snarky comments about their own weight in front of me. A tall, thin, very fit friend and a couple of very thin, very fit women she knows better than I, went on and on about their to pregnancy weights at a moms-only get together at her house once. "When I was nine months pregnant with S___, I was close to 200 pounds. I was such a cow!"

You know this wasn't about you. She felt like a cow. I felt like a cow at 180 and having to buy size 14 clothes is what pushed me into doing something about it. For my body and in my head, I knew a size 14 meant I was obese. I've worked very hard to get where I'm at and yes I talk about what I eat and how much I work out in front of heavier people. It's a big part of my life. And I'm really proud of what I've accomplished. I'm not going to monitor my conversation about myself because it might affect someone else's self image.

Veronica

[PamNY]

I've worked very hard to get where I'm at and yes I talk about what I eat and how much I work out in front of heavier people. It's a big part of my life. And I'm really proud of what I've accomplished. I'm not going to monitor my conversation about myself because it might affect someone else's self image.Veronica

Talking about what you eat and how much you work out is entirely different from making snarky comments. Labeling oneself a "cow" is, at best, immature.

One of my closest friends is very heavy and weight is a life-long struggle for her. Of all my friends, she is the most supportive of my beginning biking. She celebrates every muscle fiber I grow, and reminds me (daily, if needed) to compare myself only with myself and not with others. We both climb stairs; I do 44 flights and she does three. We talk endlessly and cheerfully about this and encourage each other a lot.

Sensible conversation about health, nutrition and physical activity is not the topic I introduced. I do indeed talk to my heavy friend about nutrition and exercise; I don't call her and say "Gag! I feel like a lazy worthless blimp!" Of course, I hope I wouldn't say that to anyone.

Pam

[Veronica]

Labeling oneself a "cow" is, at best, immature.


Pam

That sounds like a snarky comment. You don't know me, you don't know the context of the conversation I was having. But you felt free to potentially insult me anyway.



Veronica

[PamNY]

That sounds like a snarky comment. You don't know me, you don't know the context of the conversation I was having. But you felt free to potentially insult me anyway.Veronica

I was referring to Roxy's comment, not yours. You did not state that you used the term in conversation.

Pam

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

When I hear people making fat comments about others that I find offensive, I just say something to the effect of "Well I don't know any perfect people, I certainly have my own issues, for sure." That usually is pretty effective yet polite.

[Grog]

I don't know whether it's a protected human right to call oneself a "cow" or even a "zebra," an "elephant" or a "snake." But it sure helps when everybody takes things lightly. I was called "the fly" a lot in high school because of my HUGE glasses. Having a sense of humour and talking back in as clever a way as I could helped me avoid getting my panties in a twist.

I don't hear remarks about people being fat very often, in fact I can't recall even one instance in recent times. But I usually speak up when I hear something derogatory. It's often plain old simple sexist comments. I try to fire back with some form of clever retort, but I will avoid insulting or humiliating them as much as I can. When hurt, people shut their door and the light cannot shine through. Generally I find it important to express some form of disapproval when I encounter anti-social behaviour. Some people may thrive on social disapproval (teenagers?) but many kids and grownups react to even subtle cues showing them that, no, it's not all right to speak badly of others and make wide generalization.

It's hard though. To find the right retort. To be quirky but polite enough. Sometimes I say nothing and regret it later. There sure are times when I don't notice, too, because I don't struggle with weight/race/etc. and so I'm less sensitive to certain topics, more to others.

A favourite scene in the French movie Amelie: Amelie is watching helplessly as the local grocer publicly insults his clerk, telling him he's a slow thinker. She daydreams that a hidden prompter would whisper the right thing to say in such circumstances. The prompter suggests: "At least you'll never be a vegetable - even artichokes have hearts!" And the assembled crowd bursts out in laughter. [Not sure that would fit my criteria but her revenge moves are hilarious.]

[PamNY]

But I usually speak up when I hear something derogatory. It's often plain old simple sexist comments. I try to fire back with some form of clever retort, but I will avoid insulting or humiliating them as much as I can. When hurt, people shut their door and the light cannot shine through.

That sums up the issue nicely. Things like this were easier when I was younger and it was fun to be brash and self-righteous.

Pam