Getting married- ? do I change my name

[Zen]

I being the stalwart feminist here I can't help but think of the reason why this name change is the custom. That is, you are his property.

just my POV.

[Bron]

I being the stalwart feminist here I can't help but think of the reason why this name change is the custom. That is, you are his property.

just my POV.

Rather than being your father's property? Ok, not being completely serious there, but you do choose your husband yourself.

I changed mine, it was a bit of a hassle, but I like it that we have the same name and at least I don't have to spell it out to people here (but I do when I get home). I have to spell my first name out to everyone everywhere.

Now my first name really is part of my identity and there is no way I would ever change that.

[papaver]

Here it's not allowed to change your name. You always have to use your maiden name, married or not.

[singletrackmind]

Loss of identity?

Don't have a kid! I'm now 'Mrs. kid's name mom'. It's all good. No matter what you call me I'm still me. I'm not particular on the label, so long as it's fairly reasonable and you can say it in public.
Sticks, stones, all that stuff.

[Aggie_Ama]

I wanted my husband's name but at the same time loved my birth name. I HATED my given middle name of Jean, from the time I was about 8 or 9. So I marched down to the Social Security office and put my new name as Amanda_birth last name_husband last name. I love my name now, my resume has my middle name because I love my middle name. I actually love being called Mrs. his last name. His name is only 5 letters and is simple but people ask how to spell (there is more than one way) and mispronounce.

My German mess of birth last name my pawpaw gave my dad was 9 letters. No one could pronounce it or spell it. But 3 weeks before our wedding my Pawpaw was stolen from us by a heart attack and I decided then and there his name would stay with me somehow. My husband wanted us to have the same name because to him marriage is becoming a team not a piece of property. But I sign Amanda middle initial last name.

My mother chose to keep her name as her middle name. Her mother and her have the same first name. When my mom was 16 her mother was declared legally blind and often sent my mom to do shopping or errands. Once my mom changed her name she figured keeping the drivers license with her birth name on it would be easier. So her first name middle name matches my Mammaw's checks and has never been an issue for her. After her father died in 1982 (she changed her name in 1975) she said she was glad to have his name along.

[ASammy1]

I got married in 2004 and never changed my name. My husband didn't care and my MIL actually liked the fact that I kept my name. In 2007 I got divorced (it was really ugly) and I've never been so happy that I didn't change my name!

[7rider]

I think it's a choice.
I did not change my name when I got married. I suppose if we had children, I would change my name to his, if only for the convenience factor of the kid's name(s). But, without kids, I see no particular reason to go through the hassle of changing my name. DH doesn't care. If you want to call me "Mrs. (husband's last name)", then that's okay by me. I respond to just about anything as long as it's not a threat or a slur.
My family always says "I don't care what you call me....just don't call me late for dinner!"

[mtbdarby]

Interesting thread....

I did change my last name when I got married. Partially because I felt we were a team, partially because I felt like it was expected of me, and partially because I was sick to death of people mispronouncing my German last name (which when correctly pronounced sounds quite normal, incorrectly sounds like a lady of the evening!).

When my marriage started going south, I automatically started calling myself by my birth name. It felt normal and I felt like it was "who I was". When the divorce was final I really struggled with the name, but left it as my married name so that I had the same last name as my son. I know it's easy for people to say and spell, but to this day it's not me and I don't relate to it. My ex was astonished that I would even think of changing it back which surprised me.

Anyway, go with what feels natural for the both of you. I do like the suggestion of keeping your birth surname as your middle name. Maybe that's what I'll do....

[sundial]

I wanted my husband's name but at the same time loved my birth name.

Same here, added the birth name as my middle name and took Mr. Sundial's name.

[DebW]

I believe in keeping one name for life. When I married in 1980, dh said he thought families should have the same last name. I disagreed, but said if he felt strongly about it he could change his name. He didn't. If he had insisted I change mine, I wouldn't have married him, because that would have meant he was an MCP (who remembers what that stands for?). Fast forward to 2 years ago when we went to marriage counseling (we should be divorcing this year), and among his complaints were that I didn't change my name and would never agree to a joint bank account. The bigger problem was that I married the wrong gender - the other things were just symptoms. I did kind of always resent that both kids got his last name. I wanted my last name for one and his for the other.

[GLC1968]

I changed my name. Never thought anything of it. Plus- I was changing my name from a really confusing German/American hybrid name to a generic name (Brown). I never have to spell it, which is so nice. When my dad died, I kind of wished I'd kept it, but my brother has a son, so the name will go on.

Ditto, exactly...except that my father is still alive. I love not having to spell my last name anymore (even though I always still have to spell both my first name and my middle name - if using it).

And if you want to talk about unusual last names, my maiden name belongs to 4 people. My parents, my brother and myself (now, my brother's wife and not me, but still 4 people). No one else in the entire world (living). Talk about lack of privacy - I meet someone and one Google search and they know every thing about my family they could possibly want to know. It sucked. As much as I liked being unique, it was somewhat scary in many ways (particularly when I was dating). Now, my married name sounds like a soap opera name - and in fact, it's the name belonging to a character from an 80's fantasy TV drama. When you google it, you get hits about that show and not about me.

I was married at 35, too. My first career, my college degrees and my master's thesis are all in my maiden name even though we got married before I was done with graduate school. When I started my first job in my second career, it was with my married name. It was an easy transition for me.

If I had to do it all again, I would. Regardless of what my driver's license says...I'm still a 'maiden name' and always will be. By taking my husband's name, now I'm a 'married name' as well. As far as I'm concerned, it's the best of both worlds.

[Karma007]

I changed my name. And...changed it again. And...might someday change it again. (some people collect shot glasses..)Once upon a time, it had old fashioned appeal for me. Now I just know how much it would mean to bf, should that day ever come. We'll see.

[Skierchickie]

I guess I didn't really think about it much at the time - just went with the traditional name change. I don't mind, except that, for a 1-syllable, 5-letter name, NOBODY can spell it. I have to spell it several times to people over the phone. And they still get it wrong. I see my name in email lists at work, with it spelled wrong - and if I say anything, people think I'm being snippy (no, just trying to keep it from propagating throughout the entire world).

I do know a woman who didn't take her second husband`s name at first - she was in her 40s or early 50s when they were married, she'd had a bad experience with her first, was pretty independent, etc. He ended up dying of cancer after maybe 8-10 years of marriage, and she told me not long after that she was going to take his name. She wanted that link to him, and to his children and grandchildren. I thought it was a very loving thing to do.

Do what you want to do - in the long run, you are the one who will be living with it. Personally, while I don't remember it very clearly (been almost 19 years), I don't remember the whole name-change thing being much of a hassle. Things may have changed since then, though, or maybe it was just Michigan.

[deedolce]

I tried hyphenating my maiden name and my ex's name, and there never was a place for it on forms (this was a LONG time ago!) so it morphed into my middle name. I was NEVER called my first name, and didn't even know what it was until 1st grade, when I didn't think it was me! And I liked that the ethnic/racist factor was taken out by becoming a common anglo name. Seems silly now, but I've had tires slashed, yelled out, etc... when going to places around the US.

And I liked having the same name as my kids, even after my divorce. I rather identify with it now, although I've been divorced for almost 20 years.

If I got married again to the bf, I don't think I'd take his last name (not a really attractive sounding name.) I STILL want to have the same last name as my kids!! And it seems a big time pita to change it on everything. Everyone can spell it, and I just plain like it!

[chatterbox]

I changed mine. I was about to start publishing in my profession, so it was an opportune moment. And before I changed it, if you googled myfirstname hislastname in quotation marks, there were absolutely no hits. So in changing my name I became the only me on the internet. Which I thought was pretty cool. I have an unusual enough first name that I never really had the last name attached, so it isn't too much of an identity issue for me. The new last name has a heck of a lot of letters though...