Getting married- ? do I change my name

[Aggie_Ama]

I wanted my husband's name but at the same time loved my birth name. I HATED my given middle name of Jean, from the time I was about 8 or 9. So I marched down to the Social Security office and put my new name as Amanda_birth last name_husband last name. I love my name now, my resume has my middle name because I love my middle name. I actually love being called Mrs. his last name. His name is only 5 letters and is simple but people ask how to spell (there is more than one way) and mispronounce.

My German mess of birth last name my pawpaw gave my dad was 9 letters. No one could pronounce it or spell it. But 3 weeks before our wedding my Pawpaw was stolen from us by a heart attack and I decided then and there his name would stay with me somehow. My husband wanted us to have the same name because to him marriage is becoming a team not a piece of property. But I sign Amanda middle initial last name.

My mother chose to keep her name as her middle name. Her mother and her have the same first name. When my mom was 16 her mother was declared legally blind and often sent my mom to do shopping or errands. Once my mom changed her name she figured keeping the drivers license with her birth name on it would be easier. So her first name middle name matches my Mammaw's checks and has never been an issue for her. After her father died in 1982 (she changed her name in 1975) she said she was glad to have his name along.

[ASammy1]

I got married in 2004 and never changed my name. My husband didn't care and my MIL actually liked the fact that I kept my name. In 2007 I got divorced (it was really ugly) and I've never been so happy that I didn't change my name!

[7rider]

I think it's a choice.
I did not change my name when I got married. I suppose if we had children, I would change my name to his, if only for the convenience factor of the kid's name(s). But, without kids, I see no particular reason to go through the hassle of changing my name. DH doesn't care. If you want to call me "Mrs. (husband's last name)", then that's okay by me. I respond to just about anything as long as it's not a threat or a slur.
My family always says "I don't care what you call me....just don't call me late for dinner!"

[mtbdarby]

Interesting thread....

I did change my last name when I got married. Partially because I felt we were a team, partially because I felt like it was expected of me, and partially because I was sick to death of people mispronouncing my German last name (which when correctly pronounced sounds quite normal, incorrectly sounds like a lady of the evening!).

When my marriage started going south, I automatically started calling myself by my birth name. It felt normal and I felt like it was "who I was". When the divorce was final I really struggled with the name, but left it as my married name so that I had the same last name as my son. I know it's easy for people to say and spell, but to this day it's not me and I don't relate to it. My ex was astonished that I would even think of changing it back which surprised me.

Anyway, go with what feels natural for the both of you. I do like the suggestion of keeping your birth surname as your middle name. Maybe that's what I'll do....

[sundial]

I wanted my husband's name but at the same time loved my birth name.

Same here, added the birth name as my middle name and took Mr. Sundial's name.

[DebW]

I believe in keeping one name for life. When I married in 1980, dh said he thought families should have the same last name. I disagreed, but said if he felt strongly about it he could change his name. He didn't. If he had insisted I change mine, I wouldn't have married him, because that would have meant he was an MCP (who remembers what that stands for?). Fast forward to 2 years ago when we went to marriage counseling (we should be divorcing this year), and among his complaints were that I didn't change my name and would never agree to a joint bank account. The bigger problem was that I married the wrong gender - the other things were just symptoms. I did kind of always resent that both kids got his last name. I wanted my last name for one and his for the other.

[Andrea]

... he was an MCP (who remembers what that stands for?)...

Microsoft Certified Professional
Maritime Communications Partner
Molecular and Cellular Proteomics
Medical Center at Princeton
Metal Coating Process

Ah... here we go- male chauvinist pig!

I knew google wouldn't fail me...

[Biciclista]

I'll confess; I remembered (what MCP meant)

[Andrea]

Is 27.75 old enough to know? I think I'd heard it before but forgotten.

[Crankin]

I remembered, Deb, and I laughed!
I didn't change my name the first time, but people started calling me by his last name anyway. It caused a hassle with the ASU legal aid divorce I got in 1977. I had to go through the process of legally changing it back.
I come from a culture (at least in New England) where everyone pretty much uses her birth name as her middle name when she gets married, if she is changing her last name. I didn't realize this was different from what is common. When DH and I were planning our marriage, the name change thing was the only thing we disagreed on. He really wanted me to take his name, so I did. Then, after a few years, he realized it didn't matter in the least to him (he was raised by very traditional parents) and suggested that I change back. But, by this time I didn't care so much. Legally, I am Robyn birth name, DH's last name. I sign everything this way, with no hyphen. People don't call me that, though, although around here it is very common to do so. I think because I was a teacher, people just went with the Mrs. DH's last name...
As I said, around here many people don't change their name, use hyphenated names, or do as I have. It's common to have families with many different last names. Both of my kids have my birth name as their middle name. At first, they hated it, but when we moved to a community with more progressive values and half the kids had hyphenated names, they realized it wasn't that "weird." The oldest one uses it on all official documents (like his college diploma), but the younger one uses his initial only. I don't think he even knows how to spell it correctly (it's a slightly different spelling of a name that while it isn't super common, is recognizable).
Once in awhile, I think that this is the only thing I gave in on, but in retrospect, I have been married for almost 30 years and there's more important things!

[ZenSojourner]

I'll confess; I remembered (what MCP meant)

I used to call my son (jokingly) a male chauvinist piglet when he was little.

In fact it got to be a running joke. He'd think up something semi-obnoxious to say just to get me to call him that, LOL!

To this day every once in awhile he'll pop out with something very definitely not PC to get a laugh, such as (and I quote):

"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

LOL!

I don't think he remembers how it got started.

As for the name change stuff, I didn't and I'm glad. This was discussed with my ex prior to the marriage at some length and then lo and behold, like 3 days before the wedding, he claims we never talked about it. I wasn't about to let him pressure me into a name change at the last minute, but it was a warning sign that the marriage was in trouble before it ever started.

The stuff about kids and last names is pretty silly as well. There are tons of yours-mine-and-ours families these days, should the kids with the "different" names feel badly? Of course not. My son had a different last name than I did for his entire life and he thought that was entirely normal. He's working on a PhD, no drugs, alcohol, STDs, car wrecks, stealing, vandalism, arson, or out-of-wedlock children. I didn't list murder, because he is a notorious killer-of-houseplants.

The fact that he had a "different" last name than I did doesn't seem to have kept him from growing up to be a well-adjusted adult.

[Karma007]

I used to call my son (jokingly) a male chauvinist piglet when he was little.

In fact it got to be a running joke. He'd think up something semi-obnoxious to say just to get me to call him that, LOL!


"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

That's funny!

[Zen]

"I happen to know that women are emotional timebombs who must be sheltered from the ways of the world lest they be overcome"

Overcome? By "the vapors"?
check out the treatment for the vapors