Facebook-delisting, changing status

[Kalidurga]

Second one, with my Kelownagurl name...

I have tried very hard not to link my real name with my Kelownagurl name.

I'm also on Facebook with my internet screen name (Kali Durga, instead of Kalidurga as it is here) instead of my actual name. The people who have become real friends know my real name, while my internet "friends" know only my on-line pseudonym. That's worked nicely for me so far.

[maillotpois]

My now 13 year old unfriended me on FB for a bit before I noticed. Not ok. I told her if she wanted an account, I have to be one of her friends, period.

[ny biker]

By coincidence, we have this from Ruth Marcus on washingtonpost.com today:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...d=opinionsbox1

[Kalidurga]

On the one hand, photos of that sort on the internet are potentially a dangerous thing.

On the other hand, I remember friends and I showing off our "naughty parts" to each other in the basement when we were 8.

I'm glad I'm not a parent in this day and age.

[GLC1968]

I'm on facebook and I love it for keeping in touch with friends from far away. I've moved so much that it became increasingly hard to stay in touch. Facebook puts it all into one place for me. I've also discovered some connections that I didn't know existed (like my best friend from when I was 8 is good friends with my college boyfriend and his wife!).

I only befriend people whom I actually want to know. I share my profile with all of them, but there is nothing in there that you can't find out by googling my maiden name (it's extremely unique). I'm only facebook 'friends' with internet friends whom I actually know something about it real life.

It's made it a great resource for me for meeting up with old & new friends. And when someone from my HS wants to 'friend' me but yet chose to ignore me back then...they get ignored by me now. I see no point to befriending people based solely on the fact that we were in the same class at school. If I didn't like them then, I'm not going to let the internet change my connection to them now. In my mind, the definition of the word 'friend' doesn't change just because internet based networking sites exist.

[GeoCam]

I told her if she wanted an account, I have to be one of her friends, period.

Same here with my 13yo daughter. It has been quite a learning experience for me to see what kinds of things her "friends" are posting and saying (some of these kids I know well; some not at all). WOW. I sometimes can barely resist the urge to ask some of these mothers if they have even a clue what their babies are putting out there - and some of their accounts are set up with NO security and even strangers can view their entire profiles!

A few good teaching moments have arisen between my daughter and I as I have (gently) questioned her about something she has posted. I tell her how it would sound to me if someone else's kid had said that and have to keep reminding her that it is not just her really close friends who see what she writes. I just want her to think a bit more before she posts - it's NOT private!!! In spite of my frequent lectures on the topic and my pretty strict control of her internet access, it's amazing how little she comprehends about how far reaching the internet is and how dangerous it can be.

I also could not believe how many kids announced on FB that their families were getting ready to leave on spring break. Since some of them have very low security awareness, there is enough information there to easily find out where they live (we are not in a big city). It's scary!! If they have also been indiscriminate in who they friend or if their whole page is public, it's like taking out an internet ad that says, "Nobody is home for a few days - come help yourselves to our valuables."

I'm sure there will come a time when I feel comfortable unfriending my daughter so that she can have some privacy from me, but we're nowhere close to that point.

[Irulan]

Geocam and Maillotpois, I applaud and support your approach. It's not like you want to control them... just create awareness and use the medium for teachable moments. Hats off to you, sounds right to me.

My boys are essentially adults now ( 19 & 23) so its' a non issue for us.

[Tuckervill]

I'm in the same camp--If I don't have access to my son's passwords, then he doesn't have access to the internet.

I am friends with many teenagers on Facebook, the same way I am friends with them in real life. I don't get why that is weird, but today I was talking to a friend and her daughter said it was creepy when she found out her father had a Facebook page. It cracks me up that they think they own the internet! lol.

MySpace was way worse than Facebook. I always looked at my son's friends pages through his page, and I was frequently appalled by the pictures that even the boys posted. I kept thinking of the pervs that must be trolling for pictures of shirtless young boys. Until recently my son wasn't allowed to even show his face on his Myspace. He doesn't use Myspace anymore, anyway. Facebook is way more secure, but he's not interested. I like it much better.

Karen

[Cataboo]

Not that I'm a teenager anymore - but I gotta say, I'd have thrown a fit if my parents had wanted to keep track of all of that stuff. The same as I'd have found it bizarre if my parents wanted to hang out in my bedroom every time I had a slumber party with my girlfriends. Or read every note that I was passing in school. Or if they were reading my diary.

Privacy is and always has been extremely important to me - and I was well aware of the dangers of the internet when I was younger and the lecherous old men around - when I was younger there really wasn't all that many females on the internet and you were an instant target if you were. I typically would either pretend to be male or an unappealing female. Or older. And definitely privacy included privacy from my parents.

Actually, I'd have pitched a private fit and would have set things up so there were dummy accounts that my parents could see, and my real accounts that I could do what I wanted on - and that would have been a matter of principle. And, while my father was an engineer, I was way more computer savvy than he was and just naturally more at ease with them.

I don't remember what it was, but my parents would occasionally take away my internet access when I was grounded. Disconnect the phone line to my room. That usually entailed me waiting till my parents went to sleep, reconnecting the phone line to my room (reconnecting the wires in the utility room), having the old antiquitated commodore 64 in my room so i could play games (with a borrowed modem from a friend), dialing up and using the internet at night completely text based. I'd surf for a while, go disconnect my phone line, and go to sleep.

For the most part, I was a pretty good kid. I never drank, I never did drugs, I never partied. I did ocassionally sneak out to do wild things like... Hang out at the 24 hour walmart and maybe ride skateboards or bikes in the store. I do confess to having liked boys, though! I snuck out to a party once or twice, and being the responsible one that didn't drink, I spent way too much time babysitting the drunk kids, so I had no desire to go to parties after that.

Anyways - everyone can raise their kids how they want, but I know I resented and did not like it anytime my parents thought they had a right to invade my privacy just because - or couldn't trust me to make good choices.

I still keep my computers & email locked up pretty tight, even if I trust someone and it's pretty much an unforgivable sin if someone starts poking around in my accounts. And no... it's not like I'm up to anything on them.

[eclectic]

Not that I'm a teenager anymore - but I gotta say, I'd have thrown a fit if my parents had wanted to keep track of all of that stuff.
Anyways - everyone can raise their kids how they want, but I know I resented and did not like it anytime my parents thought they had a right to invade my privacy just because - or couldn't trust me to make good choices.
.

Just a question Catriona. Do you have any children?
If not you may understand your parents decisions a little better if you did.

If you do then I hope you have VERY trustworthy children and you never find anything out that will break that trust.

As an educator in a high school setting I applaud the parents who snoop. Kids talk in my class and parents would NEVER believe what their 4.0 honor roll sons and daughters are up to on the weekend and how many are going to the clinic across the street to get birth control, (they ARE 4.0 students after all and not stupid, I do have to commend them on that.) and how many are weekend pot smokers (their children would NEVER do drugs).
Perhaps if a few more parents would snoop there would be a little less of it going on.

But alas, even when confronted w/ evidence redhanded a lot of these parents still don't believe their little darlings would EVER do anything like that - their friends must have coerced them into doing it.

BTW I am friends on FB w/ my 21 yo daughter. We are both aware it is a public site. I think some of what she puts on there is inappropriate and tell her face to face (or by texting) I don't declare it on the site. AND most of the time we don't even check each other's out.

[maillotpois]

Same here with my 13yo daughter. It has been quite a learning experience for me to see what kinds of things her "friends" are posting and saying (some of these kids I know well; some not at all). WOW. I sometimes can barely resist the urge to ask some of these mothers if they have even a clue what their babies are putting out there - and some of their accounts are set up with NO security and even strangers can view their entire profiles!

I completely agree - some of the stuff I read, after knowing most of these kids since they were kindergartners - it can be pretty horrifying.

[kelownagirl]

I won't let my 11 year old son have Facebook altho many of his friends do. My 13 yo nephews and nieces have pages and I was appalled at some of the pics on the girl's page. If my preteen was on facebook, I'd have access to their account or they wouldn't be allowed to have it.

[Cataboo]

I hope you guys never get sneaky kids who are good with computers

[kelownagirl]

I hope you guys never get sneaky kids who are good with computers

You are correct that kids can, and will hide stuff anyway. but you are a fool if you don't keep tabs on them. ('you' not to be taken literally) I was an awful teen and I know many of the best tricks so it's hard to get things past me. I've raised two pretty good teens in my house who only got into a little trouble but I will likely be much stricter with the third one. I learned that the hard way.