Facebook-delisting, changing status

[Grog]

I have a Facebook account but I'm pretty careful how I set it up. People who are not my friends can see very little about me, and I am mindful of what I post. I do enjoy the possibility it affords to keep in touch with long-distance friends, even if of course it's limited in many ways...

I also have a Twitter account. I use it mostly to receive and relay news that is not personal. On my "follow" list I have a bunch of journalists, and that's how they use it. I have "unfollowed" people who were chatty about their personal lives on Twitter.

And, by the way, Lance Armstrong is on Twitter. I find some of his tweets interesting but it annoys me when he says he's "driving the kids to school" (why doesn't he get a tandem with a trail-a-bike?) and other stuff of his daily life like that. To me the point of Twitter is not to know the flavour of people's toothpaste, but I realize I'm part of the minority.

[Tuckervill]

I've been on FB for a long time, maybe over a year. I got on because my college-age niece got on, and invited my 70+ year old dad, and he invited me. That all happened while it was still a college only thing. She and I are still Dad's only "friends". But, I've got about 50 "friends" from various sections of my life, now. I used to check it every day, and I still get info on my Blackberry if I want. I haven't checked it this week, that I can remember.

Many of my high school classmates have contacted me in the last few months. It does seem to me that the use y people my age has just exploded recently!

I, to, appreciate being able to see the babies and grandbabies that I might not otherwise get to see!

Something that happened to me, which ties in with the article...My son and his girlfriend of 5 years broke up recently. She was a hair stylist and cut my hair. I got along with her great and always considered her part of the family. I got my hair cut twice after they broke up, then she unfriended me on Facebook at about a month after the break up, and I kind of took that as a sign that she didn't want contact with me or my business anymore. That hurt a little bit. I would have preferred that she just be honest, that she tell me she couldn't see me any more for whatever reason. As it is, I can only infer what I infer.

I did learn that you don't get a notice if you are unfriended--but you will notice eventually.

Karen

[kelownagirl]

Facebook - yes, two accounts. One personal. very private, only real life friends and family. Second one, with my Kelownagurl name. I friend pretty well anyone who asks me on that one. I mostly post training type updates and don't really hang out there a lot but I enjoyed checking it once a day and seeing what people are up to.

Twitter - yes, I'm on it a ton. I follow and am followed by about 800 people. Some of them I have gotten to know really well, very much like my close buds on TE. I use it as IM type thing more than anything else. I post details of my life but mostly it's the @replies that make me hang out there. I chat with online friends, mostly in real time. However, I would not twitter the same way under my real name.

I have tried very hard not to link my real name with my Kelownagurl name. I'm not so worried that Internet friends finding out my real name, but I mostly don't want my students and their families to make the connection. If you google one, you don't find the other. At least last time I checked... lol...

[Cataboo]

I've noticed that my sister & brother don't seem to be friends on facebook anymore- but I've not made any mention of it just in case whichever one of them got unfriended, doesn't know. I'm assuming it was my sister who did the unfriending.

I've also been watching an internet friend's facebook account most of the day - 17 hours ago he posted that he misses his grandmother. He's got 228 friends, lots of whom are in real life.

So I didn't want to say something about his grandmother just in case she wasn't dead and maybe he just hadn't seen her in a long time...

I waited a couple hours (well, not specifically for this purpose, but next time I logged in...)...and I noticed that noone had commented on his missing his grandmother, despite him typically having a busy page. So I asked 'oh, do you mean your grandmother who lives in australia?"

The answer was yes, she'd just died this morning...

So it's been 17 hours since he first posted, and still noone other than me has commmented on that.

I hope people are calling him in person and he's not upset that his 228 friends aren't more supportive.

[crazycanuck]

I'm on facebook & have located friends from the wayyyy wayyy back when times . It's great being able to view ooolld photos and giggle at what planet we were on back then.

My two nieces are on there as well & I know my mom (they live in her house & are under her supervision) will ensure nothing funny goes on. Ok, just checked my younger nieces account & she's doing those "what is your actual age" things. (UGH) I'll do some checking on this...

It's nice to be able to see what they're up to, especially since I don't get to talk to them for long when i ring. (time zone thing again ) If i can't get a hold of my mom via the phone, i'll leave her a note on FB telling her i'll ring her soon.I will under no circumstances ever add my brother...He'll just send me religious stuff & complain about this or that. Urgggg...

Quite a few ex workmates & cycling friends are now on thier OE's so it's a great way to keep up with where they are.
I am hidden well on FB..I think?

[indysteel]

I don't use Facebook or Myspace, nor do I have kids, but I thought I'd provide a link to something I read about in the New York Times about parents, kids and Facebook for those of you who might be interested.

http://facebookforparents.org

[smurfalicious]

Wow that article was bitter and negative. How did that get past the editors? And really, coming unhinged because an ex found you on Facebook? Lord if she saw the retarded emails from my ex on myspace she'd be in a facility.

I dunno, people can't see your stuff unless you confirm them as a friend, and they can't find you unless they know your full name. I figure it takes the same sense as you'd have choosing real life interactions. Someone sketches you out, don't accept their request. Like this girl from my high school who I don't remember and has Sarah Palin and John McCain on her profile. Mmmm, delete.

I have Horsebook and Dogbook going now too. PJ needs some horsey friends. So do my dogs. Funny, my pet store coworkers don't have dogbook pages. Boo!

[lph]

yeah, I thought that article was pretty high-strung too. Just because Facebook calls them "friends" doesn't mean that everybody you connect to are close friends. You decide who you want to be in touch with and what to share, that should be pretty obvious. And the "vulture" in the story sounded to me just like one persons colleague finding a new good friend. Which can be a little painful if you're left out, but not necessarily a mean or boorish thing.

But Facebook does raise all sorts of funny issues. I used to have a really close friend 15-20 years ago. We grew apart about 10 years ago, and I don't really have any need to keep in touch. She was rather judgmental about the way I chose to live, and I doubt that that has changed. She asked to "friend" me a year ago, and I scarcely felt I could say no. I'm mildly curious about her life, and don't mind sharing a little of mine, but now she's started asking if we should "do" this or that together. Not quite sure about how outright I want to be in telling her that I don't want to...

For people you have a clearly defined relationship with, Facebook is great. It's more the general problem with the internet and communicating by writing, it's a whole nother ball game from face-to-face relationships.

[Mr. Bloom]

yeah, I thought that article was pretty high-strung too.

lph +1

Social networking like Facebook makes it easier than ever to behave like a boor. The number of people feeling used and bruised is rising as social transgressions become part of the norm online.
[/I]

And this is different from life in what way?

[Pax]

I had a Facebook account for about three weeks, I signed up to see the pictures that were taken during a scuba expo I attended. Very quickly I had old acquaintances popping out of the woodwork asking to "friend" me, many of them wanting to get together or see if I'm attending our high school reunion, I just wanted to look at the pictures and had no idea it would make things like my personal email available to strangers.

I learned I could change my security settings but it was too little too late, I deactivated the account and am changing my email account.

[Kalidurga]

Second one, with my Kelownagurl name...

I have tried very hard not to link my real name with my Kelownagurl name.

I'm also on Facebook with my internet screen name (Kali Durga, instead of Kalidurga as it is here) instead of my actual name. The people who have become real friends know my real name, while my internet "friends" know only my on-line pseudonym. That's worked nicely for me so far.

[maillotpois]

My now 13 year old unfriended me on FB for a bit before I noticed. Not ok. I told her if she wanted an account, I have to be one of her friends, period.

[ny biker]

By coincidence, we have this from Ruth Marcus on washingtonpost.com today:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...d=opinionsbox1

[Kalidurga]

On the one hand, photos of that sort on the internet are potentially a dangerous thing.

On the other hand, I remember friends and I showing off our "naughty parts" to each other in the basement when we were 8.

I'm glad I'm not a parent in this day and age.

[GeoCam]

I told her if she wanted an account, I have to be one of her friends, period.

Same here with my 13yo daughter. It has been quite a learning experience for me to see what kinds of things her "friends" are posting and saying (some of these kids I know well; some not at all). WOW. I sometimes can barely resist the urge to ask some of these mothers if they have even a clue what their babies are putting out there - and some of their accounts are set up with NO security and even strangers can view their entire profiles!

A few good teaching moments have arisen between my daughter and I as I have (gently) questioned her about something she has posted. I tell her how it would sound to me if someone else's kid had said that and have to keep reminding her that it is not just her really close friends who see what she writes. I just want her to think a bit more before she posts - it's NOT private!!! In spite of my frequent lectures on the topic and my pretty strict control of her internet access, it's amazing how little she comprehends about how far reaching the internet is and how dangerous it can be.

I also could not believe how many kids announced on FB that their families were getting ready to leave on spring break. Since some of them have very low security awareness, there is enough information there to easily find out where they live (we are not in a big city). It's scary!! If they have also been indiscriminate in who they friend or if their whole page is public, it's like taking out an internet ad that says, "Nobody is home for a few days - come help yourselves to our valuables."

I'm sure there will come a time when I feel comfortable unfriending my daughter so that she can have some privacy from me, but we're nowhere close to that point.