Oh, heck, yeah, that's completely normal! I think it would be abnormal for two people to get along perfectly year after year with all peaks and no valleys.

DH and I have been together for 21 years, and of course there have been times where I've wondered why the hell I got married at all and other times when I've wondered if he's getting ready to leave. The worst is when those two times coincide. And yes, being depressed makes it much worse--I went through a couple of years of hell where my depression colored every aspect of my life. On the surface there is nothing especially better about my life now (different job, which did help a lot, but same problems with kids, same cramped and messy house, same old cars, etc.) but having dealt with my depression makes everything much better. It also means that when my relationship with my DH is not at a peak, I have a bit more perspective and know that this isn't the end of the world.

I think there are things you can do, but how you approach it depends on your personality. I'm a planner and I like projects, so I've learned that if I have something to plan for that's six months to a year away, it makes getting through the hassles and irritations of daily life much easier. So I plan vacations or landscaping projects or home improvements (btw, these are to keep ME happy and balanced--if I'm doing o.k., then it follows that I'm happier with my marriage as well). DH likes to make stuff. He's only really unhappy when he doesn't have something he's working on, so he volunteers with Habitat for Humanity and brews beer and builds stuff in our yard. Neither one of us have ever been much for talking over our problems, because I think we both know that we'll eventually get through them. The only time we've resorted to an "o.k., we really have to do something or this is going to fall apart" discussion was at the low point of my depression and we communicated through writing. It let us say what we really wanted to say without getting emotional or heated or saying the wrong thing.

Sarah