I think worrying about DP's TP is really sweating the small stuff on the surface, but maybe not (read on). We each must decide if it's small stuff or not. In my case, I put up with years of small stuff, biting my tongue, not making a fuss. Much of the small stuff was actually signs of much larger stuff: lack of respect for me and my time. Yes, I could wait to be picked up at the subway station another 20 minutes (we shared a car), again, and I bit my tongue many, but it really came down to a lack of respect. There was no reason that a 2 mile trip to the Metro station should take 20-30 minutes unless the one who's doing the picking up decided that his time was more valuable than my time and so therefore refused to leave to pick me up on time. There were many examples like that, some small and some very large. Needless to say, I'm not there anymore, I have my own car, I determine when and where I go.

For me it was about time and life's opportunities, not about leaving lights on. My time is irreplaceable and when opportunities come up sometimes you have to snatch them (but if the other person prevents you from taking that opportunity, it's a problem). For some people, leaving lights on uses earth resources that are irreplaceable and that's a big thing. Or it might be the fact that leaving the lights on all the time is a sign of disrespecting the other person.

By the way, counseling really helped me through these things. It's covered in my insurance, but even if it wasn't I would still pay for it if I possibly could. It's so important; I had no idea how important it was to me until I did it for a while. Wow. I have my life back.