How To Not Sweat The Small Stuff?

[Norse]

(which begs the question of how I should react to HIS wastefulness in OUR household)? Should I give up turning the lights off after him because my habits on balance are more wasteful? Or? Or???

Too funny. This is one of my problems exactly! Complaining that DP's wastefulness, while not grand in the scheme of things is none the less contributing to the destruction of our planet has not gotten me anywhere. I guess I should take Irulan's advice and go around turning off the lights after her and stop complaining. I don't know what I can do, however, about DP's deforestation project in the overexuberent use of TP.

[tulip]

I think worrying about DP's TP is really sweating the small stuff on the surface, but maybe not (read on). We each must decide if it's small stuff or not. In my case, I put up with years of small stuff, biting my tongue, not making a fuss. Much of the small stuff was actually signs of much larger stuff: lack of respect for me and my time. Yes, I could wait to be picked up at the subway station another 20 minutes (we shared a car), again, and I bit my tongue many, but it really came down to a lack of respect. There was no reason that a 2 mile trip to the Metro station should take 20-30 minutes unless the one who's doing the picking up decided that his time was more valuable than my time and so therefore refused to leave to pick me up on time. There were many examples like that, some small and some very large. Needless to say, I'm not there anymore, I have my own car, I determine when and where I go.

For me it was about time and life's opportunities, not about leaving lights on. My time is irreplaceable and when opportunities come up sometimes you have to snatch them (but if the other person prevents you from taking that opportunity, it's a problem). For some people, leaving lights on uses earth resources that are irreplaceable and that's a big thing. Or it might be the fact that leaving the lights on all the time is a sign of disrespecting the other person.

By the way, counseling really helped me through these things. It's covered in my insurance, but even if it wasn't I would still pay for it if I possibly could. It's so important; I had no idea how important it was to me until I did it for a while. Wow. I have my life back.

[indysteel]

I think in the very least that it might be worth your while to get evaluated by a mental health provider to determine whether your tendency to control and/or obsess about things is just a garden variety personality quirck or something more serious like generalized anxiety disorder or OCD. I certainly don't want to assume anything from your post....

Even if it is just a personality quirck, I agree with Tulip that counseling can change your life and is well worth the cost.

[Norse]

Many good thoughts here, thank you everyone. I will try to remember to report back later, perhaps in 3 months, with hopefully a progress and not a regression report.