The one thing I don't understand is big weddings. I think I recently heard the average wedding costs like $80,000. What??? Why don't people concentrate on the marriage instead?
This was a second marriage for me (most people don't know this) so we had to pay for it ourselves. I am not into planning parties (well, I'm better now) and we could have afforded a nice luncheon at a hotel in Scottsdale. But, instead we had 20 people at the ceremony at our apt. and then we took everyone out to dinner at a restaurant at the top of a bank in downtown Mesa (my in laws knew the owner). My dress was from the Limited, the flowers came from the Japanese flower growers on Baseline Rd. in Phoenix, and my brother who was 15 took the pictures. I do regret not having my friends at my wedding, but it was fun. We decided to spend a little more on our son's Bar Mitzvah parties, which both were held in a restaurant that does catered parties on Saturday afternoons. We spent on the food and had a good dj. The emphasis was on the kids. We made the table centerpieces ourselves and the goody bags for the kids. They both were very nice parties for 5-6K.
I had a very small 3/4 carat engagement ring which I lost. It had a major flaw in it. My husband was going to buy me a 2 carat ring, because as Flur said, that is what everyone around us did. But I said no, let's buy a house instead. I wish I had a diamond now, but I don't think about it, really. I have a lot of very nice heirloom jewelry that I wear when i go out. I used to wear more of it in the 80s when I wore suits to work.
I am now faced with a situation where my older son is serious with a girl from a poor family (that's the least of their issues). It's more that they are financially irresponsible. If they get married, any party will be up to us; my husband is adamant he won't pay, but he did say they could have it at the house. In my mind, a barbeque or pot luck will suffice, unless my son wants to pay for the food! I told him I would give him my diamond earrings to make into an engagement ring; they were set in a ring that my grandmother gave me when I was 13. I also have my mom's wedding dress that I would love for someone to wear. I think that is more meaningful than spending all that $ on a dress.