Are you as appalled as I am?

[Eden]

I don't think anyone here is begrudging a person that has a comfortable life, or even a luxurious one.... but rather finds tasteless having so much you can't possibly use it all or feeling superior because of the stuff you have rather than the stuff you are made of.... (ala the Lexus ads..)

[Pax]

I don't think anyone here is begrudging a person that has a comfortable life, or even a luxurious one.... but rather finds tasteless having so much you can't possibly use it all or feeling superior because of the stuff you have rather than the stuff you are made of.... (ala the Lexus ads..)

Well said.

BTW - For anyone who might be interested in sharing the wealth...Kiva.org is one of many great ways to do it.

[Aggie_Ama]

Aggie Ama - Thank you for the info, that helps a lot!

You're welcome those are the only ones I could think of although we have a ton, maybe one is suitable to your mom. I didn't realize your mom was here, I thought SA for some reason.

[Flur]

Now that I'm thinking about it, most of my friends have rings in the aforementioned price range. In NYC/Northern Jersey at the time we all got engaged (about 5 years ago) that was the ballpark price for a close-to-flawless 1-to-1.25 carat diamond with a nice setting and maybe a few side stones, and this was the standard size ring unless you were rich (rich by NY/NJ standards, that is). Yes, I said standard size. This is the average ring that most girls got, which was then followed by more major jewelry when each child was born (birthing gifts) and a larger "engagement" ring later, often as an anniversary present. This is the custom. It is what it is, and there's a lot of peer pressure to stick with it (see below). Yes, they're all still married. None of them set a minimum, it's what their husbands did because it's what all their friends did.

DH and I had a nice ring picked out in this ballpark, not because I put a minimum, and not because we could afford it, but because this was what everyone did so we did it too. But when DH told his family that he wanted to marry me, they gave him heirloom stones passed down from his grandmother. This is what he proposed with. The main stone is substantially smaller than the NY standard (but still a nice size, IMHO), but these were a gift from my husband's family with the intention that they be given to me. That means so much more to me than any amount of money he could have spent.

I had a woman outright insult my ring because of its size. No joke. She was DH's hairdresser. She called my center stone a "cute little baby stone" and implied it was not up to her standards. A number of women made faces to the same effect. I also had a good friend insult my wedding band (which I picked because it went nicely with my engagement ring) because of the diamond size. She said that my ring was "nice, but I want a ring that looks like a wedding ring." She picked out a very similar ring with much larger diamonds in it. Seriously. Everything that was said just made me more happy to have what I had.

Apparently to many women size does matter. Is this because of DeBeers? Maybe, I don't know for sure. All I know is that when a couple takes a few years to pay off the cost of the engagement ring after they are married, something is probably off.

[Irulan]

Apparently to many women size does matter. Is this because of DeBeers? Maybe, I don't know for sure. All I know is that when a couple takes a few years to pay off the cost of the engagement ring after they are married, something is probably off.

The whole "ring=3 month salary" thing is a construct invented by the diamond industry many many years ago as a marketing tool.

Many companies, Tiffany included, are now taking a much closer look at where things are coming from. Not just the stones, but the precious metals too.

Again, if you are interested in getting educated on this topic ( diamonds) the book I recommended before is excellent reading.

[Biciclista]

DH and I had a nice ring picked out in this ballpark, not because I put a minimum, and not because we could afford it, but because this was what everyone did so we did it too. But when DH told his family that he wanted to marry me, they gave him heirloom stones passed down from his grandmother. This is what he proposed with. The main stone is substantially smaller than the NY standard (but still a nice size, IMHO), but these were a gift from my husband's family with the intention that they be given to me. That means so much more to me than any amount of money he could have spent.

I had a woman outright insult my ring because of its size. No joke. She was DH's hairdresser. She called my center stone a "cute little baby stone" and implied it was not up to her standards. A number of women made faces to the same effect. I also had a good friend insult my wedding band (which I picked because it went nicely with my engagement ring) because of the diamond size. She said that my ring was "nice, but I want a ring that looks like a wedding ring." She picked out a very similar ring with much larger diamonds in it. Seriously. Everything that was said just made me more happy to have what I had.

Apparently to many women size does matter. Is this because of DeBeers? Maybe, I don't know for sure. All I know is that when a couple takes a few years to pay off the cost of the engagement ring after they are married, something is probably off.

Well, good for you for not succumbing to the madness. And the audacity of people to insult you because your heirloom family ring was not as big as they thought was appropriate. Such madness. That's right, you've reminded me of why I left NJ!!!!

[Jolt]

wow, that's an indecent waste of money! And boy, wouldn't that guy be getting a bargain... She wouldn't marry him if he didn't come up with a 10K ring. um, a marriage made in heaven!

Yeah...that is seriously ridiculous!! Some people just don't have their priorities straight... Personally I don't care much for the whole engagement ring thing in general; seems kind of wasteful to me and I've never been much into jewelry anyway. Same with the extravagant weddings; wouldn't it be smarter for couples to have a simple-but-still-nice wedding and use that money to get themselves started? That's what I'd like to do once I find that great guy...and he doesn't have to get me a fancy ring either!

[lph]

"December to Remember" in the Baltimore Sun

Yee-urk

Ok, I'm officially appalled. Not at people buying cars, mind you.

[jobob]

I had a woman outright insult my ring because of its size. No joke. She was DH's hairdresser. She called my center stone a "cute little baby stone" and implied it was not up to her standards. A number of women made faces to the same effect. I also had a good friend insult my wedding band (which I picked because it went nicely with my engagement ring) because of the diamond size. She said that my ring was "nice, but I want a ring that looks like a wedding ring." She picked out a very similar ring with much larger diamonds in it. Seriously. Everything that was said just made me more happy to have what I had.

Get out!!! How silly. Well, they'd have a grand old time picking apart my set! The small emerald-cut sapphire ring (fwiw, it's a very nice deep blue stone) is paired with the plainest gold band possible. The jeweler did jazz it up by putting a small curve in the band to follow the contour of the sapphire's setting.

I think it's simplicity suits me perfectly.

And I love the fact that you have a heirloom ring. That makes it so much more meaningful.

[Zen]

I think my engagement ring and wedding band came from Wal-Mart.
No joke.

I'll never wear one even if I do get remarried

[GLC1968]

I had a woman outright insult my ring because of its size. No joke. She was DH's hairdresser. She called my center stone a "cute little baby stone" and implied it was not up to her standards. A number of women made faces to the same effect. I also had a good friend insult my wedding band (which I picked because it went nicely with my engagement ring) because of the diamond size. She said that my ring was "nice, but I want a ring that looks like a wedding ring." She picked out a very similar ring with much larger diamonds in it. Seriously. Everything that was said just made me more happy to have what I had.

And this snobbery goes both ways. I've been insulted and had it insinuated that I'm spoiled or rich because of the size of my ring...also an heirloom. When my DH told my mom that he wanted to marry me, she gave him my grandmother's diamond. He had it set into a ring before he asked me to marry him. It's not huge (it's not multi-carrat or anything), but I've certainly been in situations where people have made plenty of derrogatory comments about it's size. Personally, I find it rude and it makes me uncomfortable. I love, love, love my ring both because I think it's fricken gorgeous and because of the sentimental value (both from DH and from my grandmother/grandfather), but I hate that I find myself in situations where I feel that I'll be better recieved if I keep my hand in my pocket.


About those ads...the very first thing both my DH and I commented on to each other when we first saw them was "wow, bad timing, much?". I'm not personally offended by the ads (or by the people who buy cars for gifts), but I also can't say that Lexus is really making that big of a business mistake by running them. From their perspective, so what if they offend people struggling to get by...those people aren't their customers, right? I mean, yeah, it's not in good taste and they should care about their company image...but really, from a business standpoint, does it really matter?

[Aint Doody]

I want everybody to have a big wedding. I love to go to parties!!!!

[Biciclista]

you can have a big and fun wedding without spending +10k is the point. My son just did. I should ask him what it cost.

you can have nice gifts without having to spend +40k on a car or +10k on a ring.

[Crankin]

The one thing I don't understand is big weddings. I think I recently heard the average wedding costs like $80,000. What??? Why don't people concentrate on the marriage instead?
This was a second marriage for me (most people don't know this) so we had to pay for it ourselves. I am not into planning parties (well, I'm better now) and we could have afforded a nice luncheon at a hotel in Scottsdale. But, instead we had 20 people at the ceremony at our apt. and then we took everyone out to dinner at a restaurant at the top of a bank in downtown Mesa (my in laws knew the owner). My dress was from the Limited, the flowers came from the Japanese flower growers on Baseline Rd. in Phoenix, and my brother who was 15 took the pictures. I do regret not having my friends at my wedding, but it was fun. We decided to spend a little more on our son's Bar Mitzvah parties, which both were held in a restaurant that does catered parties on Saturday afternoons. We spent on the food and had a good dj. The emphasis was on the kids. We made the table centerpieces ourselves and the goody bags for the kids. They both were very nice parties for 5-6K.
I had a very small 3/4 carat engagement ring which I lost. It had a major flaw in it. My husband was going to buy me a 2 carat ring, because as Flur said, that is what everyone around us did. But I said no, let's buy a house instead. I wish I had a diamond now, but I don't think about it, really. I have a lot of very nice heirloom jewelry that I wear when i go out. I used to wear more of it in the 80s when I wore suits to work.
I am now faced with a situation where my older son is serious with a girl from a poor family (that's the least of their issues). It's more that they are financially irresponsible. If they get married, any party will be up to us; my husband is adamant he won't pay, but he did say they could have it at the house. In my mind, a barbeque or pot luck will suffice, unless my son wants to pay for the food! I told him I would give him my diamond earrings to make into an engagement ring; they were set in a ring that my grandmother gave me when I was 13. I also have my mom's wedding dress that I would love for someone to wear. I think that is more meaningful than spending all that $ on a dress.

[Irulan]

I think we need to be careful about laying heavy judgements on things. Its so easy to go from being concerned and critical of poor financial decisions, and the overall marketing mentality to buy and consume ( which imsho is justified) to making broad brush judgments that may or may not be accurate or appropriate...

GLC1968's story about getting hassled for her big diamond is a classic. My SIL has a HUGE diamond that she inherited, and frankly it's no one's business but her's how she got it or how much it cost. Who are we to judge if someone CAN afford a big wedding or a fancy car and makes a sound financial choice that is what they want to do? It's no different that someone else judging us becuase we choose to spend our hard earned cash on nice bikes ( and quite a few of us have very nice bikes) instead of jewelry, a nice car or a big TV. Just because someone spends $$ on something that doesn't meet our own personal value system doesn't make it bad, it just means it's something we wouldn't choose to do.

I.