Are you as appalled as I am?

[Aint Doody]

I want everybody to have a big wedding. I love to go to parties!!!!

[Biciclista]

you can have a big and fun wedding without spending +10k is the point. My son just did. I should ask him what it cost.

you can have nice gifts without having to spend +40k on a car or +10k on a ring.

[Irulan]

I think we need to be careful about laying heavy judgements on things. Its so easy to go from being concerned and critical of poor financial decisions, and the overall marketing mentality to buy and consume ( which imsho is justified) to making broad brush judgments that may or may not be accurate or appropriate...

GLC1968's story about getting hassled for her big diamond is a classic. My SIL has a HUGE diamond that she inherited, and frankly it's no one's business but her's how she got it or how much it cost. Who are we to judge if someone CAN afford a big wedding or a fancy car and makes a sound financial choice that is what they want to do? It's no different that someone else judging us becuase we choose to spend our hard earned cash on nice bikes ( and quite a few of us have very nice bikes) instead of jewelry, a nice car or a big TV. Just because someone spends $$ on something that doesn't meet our own personal value system doesn't make it bad, it just means it's something we wouldn't choose to do.

I.

[salsabike]

I think we need to be careful about laying heavy judgements on things. Its so easy to go from being concerned and critical of poor financial decisions, and the overall marketing mentality to buy and consume ( which imsho is justified) to making broad brush judgments that may or may not be accurate or appropriate...

GLC1968's story about getting hassled for her big diamond is a classic. My SIL has a HUGE diamond that she inherited, and frankly it's no one's business but her's how she got it or how much it cost. Who are we to judge if someone CAN afford a big wedding or a fancy car and makes a sound financial choice that is what they want to do? It's no different that someone else judging us becuase we choose to spend our hard earned cash on nice bikes ( and quite a few of us have very nice bikes) instead of jewelry, a nice car or a big TV. Just because someone spends $$ on something that doesn't meet our own personal value system doesn't make it bad, it just means it's something we wouldn't choose to do.

I.

Yup.

[Pax]

After 19 years with my beloved we're not even allowed to marry...what others do to celebrate theirs is just white noise to us.

[Blueberry]

After 19 years with my beloved we're not even allowed to marry...what others do to celebrate theirs is just white noise to us.

Good perspective

And here's hoping that's not the case for much longer

[Flur]

After 19 years with my beloved we're not even allowed to marry...what others do to celebrate theirs is just white noise to us.

EVERYONE should be allowed to marry. This is one of the issues that really gets me. I know that it's political and that not everyone feels like I do, but this REALLY gets me mad.

I could go on and on... but I won't. Mouth shut now.

[Xrayted]

After 19 years with my beloved we're not even allowed to marry...what others do to celebrate theirs is just white noise to us.

Amen! Now there is something to be appalled over. In the land of the free, we still have civil rights violations and hateful discrimination. You are my personal hero, Pax. Thank you for... well, just thank you. *hugs*

[Irulan]

It is a bummer when big things with personal importance don’t work out the way one wants them too.
Resentment and anger are poison. The best way to get out of resentment is to practice an attitude of gratitude for what you DO have.

[snapdragen]

I think we need to be careful about laying heavy judgements on things. Its so easy to go from being concerned and critical of poor financial decisions, and the overall marketing mentality to buy and consume ( which imsho is justified) to making broad brush judgments that may or may not be accurate or appropriate...

GLC1968's story about getting hassled for her big diamond is a classic. My SIL has a HUGE diamond that she inherited, and frankly it's no one's business but her's how she got it or how much it cost. Who are we to judge if someone CAN afford a big wedding or a fancy car and makes a sound financial choice that is what they want to do? It's no different that someone else judging us becuase we choose to spend our hard earned cash on nice bikes ( and quite a few of us have very nice bikes) instead of jewelry, a nice car or a big TV. Just because someone spends $$ on something that doesn't meet our own personal value system doesn't make it bad, it just means it's something we wouldn't choose to do.

I.

Amen

[Crankin]

The one thing I don't understand is big weddings. I think I recently heard the average wedding costs like $80,000. What??? Why don't people concentrate on the marriage instead?
This was a second marriage for me (most people don't know this) so we had to pay for it ourselves. I am not into planning parties (well, I'm better now) and we could have afforded a nice luncheon at a hotel in Scottsdale. But, instead we had 20 people at the ceremony at our apt. and then we took everyone out to dinner at a restaurant at the top of a bank in downtown Mesa (my in laws knew the owner). My dress was from the Limited, the flowers came from the Japanese flower growers on Baseline Rd. in Phoenix, and my brother who was 15 took the pictures. I do regret not having my friends at my wedding, but it was fun. We decided to spend a little more on our son's Bar Mitzvah parties, which both were held in a restaurant that does catered parties on Saturday afternoons. We spent on the food and had a good dj. The emphasis was on the kids. We made the table centerpieces ourselves and the goody bags for the kids. They both were very nice parties for 5-6K.
I had a very small 3/4 carat engagement ring which I lost. It had a major flaw in it. My husband was going to buy me a 2 carat ring, because as Flur said, that is what everyone around us did. But I said no, let's buy a house instead. I wish I had a diamond now, but I don't think about it, really. I have a lot of very nice heirloom jewelry that I wear when i go out. I used to wear more of it in the 80s when I wore suits to work.
I am now faced with a situation where my older son is serious with a girl from a poor family (that's the least of their issues). It's more that they are financially irresponsible. If they get married, any party will be up to us; my husband is adamant he won't pay, but he did say they could have it at the house. In my mind, a barbeque or pot luck will suffice, unless my son wants to pay for the food! I told him I would give him my diamond earrings to make into an engagement ring; they were set in a ring that my grandmother gave me when I was 13. I also have my mom's wedding dress that I would love for someone to wear. I think that is more meaningful than spending all that $ on a dress.