how do you forgive yourself for being a jerk to your SO...

[chicago]

or insensitive at times so much that he leaves you... which he did on Friday... he walked out and said he's been hurting too much.

I didn't know he was hurting. We had been having a blast doing so much together. He just painted my kitchen and gave me the sweetest Sweetest Day present which I loved. I loved him, but I was critical at times... not really critical, but just sometimes. He would guess at directions, and it would bother me... and I would ask him not to guess... and he said that I was too critical to him We have been together almost a year. In June...we got into a fight and he left then too... and we got back together a few weeks after that but I've always been cautious cause I learned that he does not share his feelings with me... and when has hurt enough, he walks away.

I was insensitive to him at times because I'm intense at times and I would correct his grammar at times and I was crabby because I have been working two jobs.

I knew I have been crabby and I told him on Friday afternoon that I was going to quit my 2nd job because it was too much and I was crabby. He came over that night and ended it... again.

but how do I forgive myself that it was all my fault?... that if I hadn't criticized him he would still be here I hate myself... he was the kindnest man in the world, and I didn't appreciate him because I was afraid of getting too close and him hurting me... it's so fvked up and I'm so sad