how do you forgive yourself for being a jerk to your SO...

[alpinerabbit]

You'll always remember this if you have an elephant's memory, and unless you find another relationship to make you happy, and you think you lost something, there will always be memories that hurt. You can pray if you believe in something or other, you can write affirmations or your diary if you don't.

Do you think there's a third chance?
Go read the "relationships and marriage" thread for hints on working relationships.
Do you respect him as a person, or did you let your respect slip at times? This is the most important thing IMHO.

You will have to ask sincerely for forgiveness, and if you get it, you will have to ask yourself what you want from a relationship. If you cannot give yourself into it and all your honesty and respect, I don't think you'll get this back.

[Irulan]

but how do I forgive myself that it was all my fault?... that if I hadn't criticized him he would still be here I hate myself... he was the kindnest man in the world, and I didn't appreciate him because I was afraid of getting too close and him hurting me... it's so fvked up and I'm so sad

It may not be all your fault. He's got issues too, you know.
In a healthy relationship, we recognize our faults and our mate's faults and we live with them as best we can. People do make mistakes and one should be able to apologize, move forward, and learn how to not repeat destructive behaviors ( change yourself, not them). We also have to learn how to accept others and our own imperfections. God is the only perfect being.

If you are really concerned that somehow your behavior damaged the relationship, maybe it's time to work with a competent therapist. You might find out whether your expectations within a relationship are appropriate. what are your fears and why they might be getting in the way, etc. Chances are very good that if you don't address some of this stuff, you will be doomed to repeat it.

just my two cents, take it or leave it.

[teigyr]

He might not be the right person for you OR you might not be at the right time in your life to have a relationship. Counseling would definitely help you figure out what you want and how to have a healthy relationship when you've found the right person.

It's difficult to guess from afar but a lot of "wounded innocent" recipients of snarkiness (for lack of a better word) have their own stuff going on. I've seen really nice people who use "nice" as a form of control. A lot of times your subconscious can see this stuff but you can't, especially if you are trying to rebuild after a bad relationship.

If you'd like to try to start again with your SO, you will both have to be really honest with each other. He needs to be able to call you on your crankiness and also needs to understand when you're overtired. You need to be able to talk to him about your fears and insecurities and why you do what you do.

[Irulan]

Go read the "relationships and marriage" thread for hints on working relationships.

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=27659