Gifted Children & School: parenting advice

[trickytiger]

I was lucky enough to get to participate in a one-day-a week program as a child (we moved to the state too late for me to get into the full-time program), and I can honestly say it pretty much saved me. I was shy, shy, shy, and a little socially awkward. Being an athlete saved me socially, but in terms of friends and a supportive learning environment, that one-day-a week challenge program paid off well. I learned to deal with the change in schools. Plus, twenty years later, I still have some of the same friends I met back then.

[Triskeliongirl]

I think being in a gifted program can really help a student who would be bored by a standard currculum.

Our daughter was in a public school, and very bored with school (the next year she was supposed to enter a gifted program, but it was only one day a week which concerned us, wouldn't she still be bored 80% of the time?). So we moved her to a private school in 2nd grade with a full time gifted curriculum. It made a huge difference for her to feel challenged and excited about school again. We started our son in the same program in Kindergarten, and both did very well, not only in primary and secondary school, but found the skills they aquired helped them be very successful at very rigorous colleges.

Its hard to comment on the health issues without more info., only you as his mom know if that will make his participation in the gifted program a problem. But, I would trust the teachers and counselors that feel the gifted program is in his best interests from an educational perspective.

[shootingstar]

what wonderful advice here!

let him be a kid! he's at the 98th percentile because of what he's doing at home. so keep doing that and let him enjoy school. Not going into a gifted program now isn't going to keep him out of Harvard!

If he was excited about it, i'd have a different opinion.

Not knowing his age at all, he SEEMS quite young just based on his behaviour and still needs considerable adult support to feel content and confident...no matter how smart he is.

No need to rush into placing him further up ..if he already has some good teachers and 1-2 good friends. Hope he will latch upon an extra-curricular activity that he can have fun and learn lots from also.

This whole thread made me realize just what type of factors...may actually never reveal a gifted child.

[Mr. SR500]

Nice thread. Our daughter does very well in school, near the top of her class if not the best. That said my wife and I have more education then most and our dearest goal is that she continues to love school. To achieve this we work with teachers, the principle, etc... to keep her challenged in the classroom, but this also includes friends and peers (very important), and extra curricular activities (music, sports, clubs).

I agree ask your son, to much stress so young doesn't really help.

[frnz]

Based on my personal experience, I'd say go for it. It might be difficult for your kid, but learning how to adapt will most likely only help him. I kind of think switching schools every now and then is good for a kid, especially when college rolls around and he suddenly has to learn to make friends. Or it would have been good for me, anywho.

[NbyNW]

Have you had a chance to visit the program that you're considering? Meet the teachers?

Would the school make it difficult for your son to return to his current program if it turns out he's unhappy in the new one?

I'm not a parent (yet), but I was in my district's G&T program from grade one. I loved it. I was bored in my regular classes, and I was not very popular for constantly "showing up" my regular classmates. I'm actually a very shy person who doesn't like attention, but I don't think the teachers knew how to handle that dynamic. I would get put on the spot a lot. Being the only Asian kid in the class didn't help, either.

My G&T program was excellent -- it gave me a safe place to explore my interests. I think I would have been completely miserable without it.

The program was structured so that I was in regular school most of the time, and would step out of the regular schedule to do G&T program stuff once a week during grade school and then it was maybe 1-2 times a month in jr. high and high school.

Sounds like the program that your school district is offering is a completely separate program, building, etc. If that's a concern, maybe there are outside activities that could be another social avenue for him. The points above about being an introvert are well taken, though. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. So what if we're not social butterflies? We can still form deep, meaningful friendships and relationships. And I would rather be comfortable in solitude than insecure when I'm spending time alone.

As for the social awkwardness, I think that's just part of life and part of growing up. My parents and teachers were not equipped to make that path any smoother for me. You can't protect your kids from everything, but I think as a concerned parent you can support and guide them through experiences that will eventually help them develop into strong, sensitive, and confident adults.

One final point, about this illness that you mentioned -- it sounds like you're concerned that in the aftermath your son might have trouble fully participating in either program he's in? Again, discuss it with the teachers and those who are planning the curriculum.

side note: Where I grew up in Pennsylvania, we had to write an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) every year to participate in our G&T program. This was a requirement to participate in any special needs curricula in public schools, whether in my case it was enrichment, or maybe for another kid it might have been overcoming dyslexia or some other learning disability. I have since learned that in a lot of other states, an IEP is typically associated with special ed/learning disabilities programs.

What does your state require/offer for kids that have your son's special abilities? It may be a pain, but spending a little time learning about the resources available in your community may help you figure out the best way to advocate for your son's needs.

[Miranda]

I have been trying to get back to my thread with the household business. I first of all wanted to say: ***WOW*** . Thank you SO much for you out pouring of thoughts. Any more, feel free to add on.

I have had my own emotional moments thinking about what to do. Part of it I think I have now figured out is related to some of my own child hood memories of this situaton. I had blocked out part of it I guess. I can remeber being very stressed on some things about performing to high ability. Pushed too hard. Also, I had blanked out the cruelty of other children when you are special. Things like lieing about your high score on test, or praying a teacher would not publically brag on you as a good example because it only leads to ridicule as being a "smarty pants teacher's pet", aka eat lunch by yourself. Bleah. I did a lot of bike riding alone then too.

To answer a few questions raised in responses...
My son completed traditional 1st grade. The program is housed at a magnet school that draws from the entire city. The particulary program runs grades 2-6. It is full time, 5 days a week. The children are the same age in the class. Second graders. But the "gifted" class of second graders from the entire city. The program is suppose to be some special cirriculum developed for gifted kids. It's not just higher grade level work, done at any earlier age. There is said to be a lot of learning done through project work. Example: research an artist, and present it in drama form (dressed as the person). Also, group work.

Next year they are starting a cluster high ability group within home schools. Unfortunatley, it's only grades 3 and 4. The next year, 5 and 6 will be added. Year three, K-6. Those kids get some type of extra work etc. geared towards their abilities within their regular class. So, if this does not pan out, maybe some type of enrichment years to follow. But, not like the gifted child program is layed out from what I can tell.

I did get to speak with the teacher briefly at open house info session. She had a gifted child herself as a mother. She has taught for 19 years. Not sure if all of it is with gifted children, or not. But, I think she has been with the program for a while. I tried to describe the sensitivity to her. She suggested that I go to the library and get some books on the characteristics of gifted children. She said that can be common. Going to do that this w/e.

The school has you sign a commitment letter for the program. Need to do so within the next week. Once in it, you can't just readily get out of it. Due to the general adjustment factor, they ask that you stick it out for a semester or year. Depending on school and class size is up in the air if the child gets to return to their home school.

One of the parents said to me at the meeting this (when I was presenting some "cons"): "Well, I would have driven anywhere, done anything, for my child to get the right education". There's a point to this. It's not all there is to life. I think there's a balance. Maybe being among your "own kind" is a good balance? Still mulling it over.

[NbyNW]

Here's another enrichment program you should know about, although your son may be a bit young yet:

http://cty.jhu.edu/

I went to their summer programs when I was in jr. high/high school. A long, long time ago . . .

These programs were a lifesaver for me -- a very welcome break from a high-pressure environment back home -- made lifelong friends -- even met my DH!

[Ciao]

Glad to hear that the program is full time. That really makes it much easier in my opinion. He'll be going to school - period. Just that the school will be more interesting... Remember, this is 2nd grade we're talking about - the teaching is geared to this age group and there will be art, music, and all sorts of discovery activities. It's early, so he'll make friends easily - rather than later when 'cliques' form after being together for years. Also, starting earlier in the program means there won't be gaps later (in knowledge, skills, etc.).

[My perspective: I too needed my time after school to decompress... But having gone through a G&T program starting from 1st grade (built into our standard public school system in PA) I can say that my gifted classes were far and away the more interesting/stimulating. I still vividly remember some of the "projects" we had in those early classes. Another important point is that I related better to these class mates than to others - we had similar family support and social goals (such as going to college/grad school, level of careers, etc.). The differences between these classmates and my friends not in the gifted program were extreme... but that's a symptom of a much larger problem in the US. ]

[Irulan]

I'm going to add one last comment. My son graduated today. This is the one who's 99% percentile in math and science...This is one who went to magnet programs instead of regular school for grades 5-8.

At dinner we were talking about the whole school experience, magnet program vs the kids who were bright who didn't go etc. The most interesting comments he made were 1. The bright kids who stayed in 'regular' school were more likely to hide their intelligence but they did just as well ( mostly) and 2. the number of bright kids who dropped out because of boredom, family issues and or lack of parent support was enough to count on one hand of kids I have known over the years. That part made me sad.

[tc1]

So, I was one of those smarter than everybody kids, in the days before gifted programs. So I lazed through high school, never did homework, spent all my time on sex and drugs and rock and roll. The only thing that saved me was music. If he isn't in band, he's not too young to start studying an instrument.

And I was fortunate enough to go to two open-concept schools, one of which has since been remodeled back into a traditional. They were wonderful for helping me develop phenomenal powers of concentration. My sister hated them, they were too noisy for her.

I would have loved more advanced work. I would still have turned out a dork, I think.

[frnz]

The program is housed at a magnet school that draws from the entire city. The particulary program runs grades 2-6. It is full time, 5 days a week. The children are the same age in the class. Second graders. But the "gifted" class of second graders from the entire city. The program is suppose to be some special cirriculum developed for gifted kids. It's not just higher grade level work, done at any earlier age. There is said to be a lot of learning done through project work. Example: research an artist, and present it in drama form (dressed as the person). Also, group work.

That sounds like a pretty amazing program, in my opinion.

[Andrea]

I was (maybe still am ) a "gifted" kid. Unlike a lot of the people here- I think that he could be happier/better off in the gifted program. Why? Well, it boils down to the social aspects of school- if you're smart, and it shows, "normal" kids pick on you. So, what do you do? You try to act more "normal" by pretending you aren't smart. If you pretend long enough, you start to believe it.

For me, by 4th grade, I had convinced myself that I couldn't do math. They didn't know whether to keep me in the schools gifted program or to put me in the program for kids with learning disabilities! I eventually overcame my difficulties, but the mindset of keeping myself on the same level of "smarts" as everyone else followed me through high school.

I'm convinced that if I had been encouraged and motivated by peers that were happy to be "smart," then I would have been much more confident in my own brainpower in later years rather than convincing myself that I should hate school, homework, and studying just so I could be more like all the other kids that would pick on me if I acted otherwise.

[Triskeliongirl]

I think the last post is very interesting. As I mentioned before, out kids went to a school with a full time gifted program. What our kids loved about it, and the kids themselves bragged about it, is that its a school where its 'cool to be smart.' I think the sentiments of the last poster reinforce how important that is.

I think this is a great opportunity for your son and family, and unless there are medical issues that haven't been clearly articulated, I think you should give him this opportunity. In addition to being challenged academically, he'll be able to make friends with kids that are like him.

[Miranda]

Thx ladies very much overall. These last couple posts about the friends make a lot of sense.

A couple things have happened since the last post with this. The short conclusion is that I signed the commit letter we will do it...

One, I got to talk first hand with a little girl that has been in the a few years that came from our home school. When I asked her how she liked it, her first words were this: "Really, I don't like it there". DD knows her, and injected in the conversation about DS etc., so we got side tracked about some other questions. I brought her back to comment #1 and said, "why and what?".

One was the social aspect. She said that even though they are with the other students, some pick on them that they are "snobs" and unfriendly. She said, "well, that is wrong because we are friendly, but have just all been together in our special class so long that we know each other well and are really close friends". That made sense, and is to be expected I think. However, it confirms a positive that the kids do develop some close relationship with other gifted children.

Secondly, she said she didn't like the principal. DH and I do know this woman, and I called her with some more questions, from our home school when she was there. DH says, "she's a total ditz head". Communication skills wise, she is. I don't really see DS having that much interation with her. If any real issues, I think I could handle it.

The bus commute is a bummer. She rides the bus 50 minutes each way. She lives not too far from us. I called the transportation department, and unfortunaly, they confirmed we are the furtherest point away. Plus, the bus has other special needs kids. Like potentionally developmentally disabled. I will have to talk to DS about this. His experience is limited. I think I might have it worked out to drive him part of the time. That would be half the ride time.

The 2nd grade teacher the little girl said is "awesome"... the projects were fun, she wasn't board, but didn't feel like she was over burdened, etc. Those things were comforting to hear.

Ironically, while out to dinner for a DS and mommy only "date", we saw one of his old classmates. The boy was so excited to see DS. I didn't even know he was his friend. I had to break it to the boy and mom that he would not be back next year. She has had some issues with one of her children being the opposite end for special needs and potentially going into the developmentally disabled program. Very sweet mom and nice family. Listening to her talk, it made me think later how lucky I am to have the "issue" that I do with my own child and decision.

On that note, I thought, we should give it a try... because we are blessed to even have the "option" of opportunity, regardless of the potential negatives.

Thanks
Miranda