Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[singletrackmind]

Sneak a woman's saddle onto his bike, that should cover any and all questions he has concerning why you might feel the way you do about inbetweens pain!

One of my best friends bought a bike with a saddle too wide, kept complaining he felt like he was being split apart, couldn't go more than 10 miles in complete agony. My bike came with a narrow saddle and I was really really really unsittably sore after 20 miles.
We switched and happily rode many many miles off into the sunset.

[mimitabby]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

[shootingstar]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else. "

Pretty key, don't you think for preserving a long-term joint cycling-marriage?

[Aggie_Ama]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

Mimi your husband is always the voice of reason.

[KnottedYet]

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

[Zen]

Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

+1 to that.
Once you get a comfy saddle, go out on your own. Ride where you feel safe. Maybe explore a new neighborhood, choose a destination where you can go have a cup of tea and let your mind relax. You never know what's out there.

[Trek420]

+1 to that.
Once you get a comfy saddle, go out on your own. Ride where you feel safe. Maybe explore a new neighborhood, choose a destination where you can go have a cup of tea and let your mind relax. You never know what's out there.

I bet there are a few, even many of us in Georgia. If you posted a TE ride that could either be a leisurely ride with TE gals or breaks into groups. Your DH could try to keep up with faster TE gals (and their guys if they bring 'em.)

Ride with other experienced riders, you'll soon catch up with him. Also gives you a chance to really see how others set their bikes up. I've learned a lot here that way.

[Wahine]

When my DH wants to ride with me, he rides with me and my girlfriends and we usually call the shots. As much as I hope that you continue to ride together I think it is really important to interact with other riders as well. It's so great to hear other opinions and perspectives. Oh wait, that's what TE is for.

[shootingstar]

Sounds like Georgia, your DH does alot of cycling on his own, so something can always be worked out so he gets his fast workout on his own and joins you separately on a different ride.

In reading this whole thread, makes me realize how symbiotic my cycling competence and development has evolved in relation to my partner who is stronger cycling-wise..over nearly the past 17 yrs. In fact, I started off knowing him with cycling at the start of our relationship but neither of us never knew that the other had a cycling interest in the lst 6 months of knowing each other.

He is by nature, a patient person. From the beginning, he always went off on his own fitness rides. Then at a different time, he would join up with me for a ride where he had to ride and wait for me along the way. He tried to teach me gearing, but I actually didn't get it in my head...until I joined a women's cycling group.

By nature, both he and I are, each friendly hermits. We like to each do our own thing, but like to share doing other shared actitivities also. From the beginning of returning to cycling (31), I always enjoyed doing some solo rides....after he showed me on bike, cycling routes that I wanted to do on my own if he wasn't around to be with me due to our personal schedules.

I've had my flats, etc. and no, am not the most mechanical ...even after attending women's workshops on fixing bike flats, etc...so I have accepted responsibility for myself when this happens when I'm alone on bike and just....walk home or throw the bike onto bus or subway homeward. We don't have a car, so I can't phone him to pick me up. That's ok. I've lived a car-free life for so long even before him. I use bike shops for repairs that he doesn't feel well-versed on certain problems.

I don't depend on him for cycling...after all, he and I lived in 2 different cities for 2.5 years of our relationship when he was forced to relocated. Each of us continued to cycle solo...and every evening we phoned each other...to also include our cycling adventures of the day.

Become strong on the bike yourself...it will carry you far as life moves ahead, changes and you will enjoy riding more with others who have different/better cycling competencies in group rides.

[Bad JuJu]

I bet there are a few, even many of us in Georgia. If you posted a TE ride that could either be a leisurely ride with TE gals or breaks into groups. Your DH could try to keep up with faster TE gals (and their guys if they bring 'em.)

Ride with other experienced riders, you'll soon catch up with him. Also gives you a chance to really see how others set their bikes up. I've learned a lot here that way.

This is a great idea. But even if there are no TE riders near you, you could post a note at your LBS that you're looking for some other women to ride with occasionally. Or, since you're at Ft. Benning, is your DH in the army? If so, there must be some kind of spouse's club--maybe you could get one or two out of that group interested in riding with you.

Sure it's great riding with your guy, but it's also helpful--and fun--to get involved with other riding buddies, especially other women. They're out there--just may take some hunting to find them.

[Starfish]

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

+1. Knot, thanks for being explicit. So true. It is better for both.

[Triskeliongirl]

You raised two issues:

1) saddle issues. you've gotten a lot of good suggestions on how to deal with this. if it were me I would start with a professinal fit.

2) needing hubby to help you understand gearing. try this link: http://www.sheldonbrown.com/gearing/index.html

I think you need to decide if you want to ride, for you, and if so, take personal responsibility to solve your fit problems and educate yourself on how this simple machine works. It may have come off wrong on how you said it, but it sounds like you have fear that unfortuanatly many women in our society seem to have of understanding mechanical things.

In some ways this is turning into a discussion of feminism, but I think that is cool. When I was younger I identified with feminism, but once I became a successful professional I didn't think that much about it. But my daughter attends a womens college and is very much in tune with modern feminism (we are even going to V-day in New Orleans together, any other TE gals going???) and the equity (or lack there of) issues that still plague many women around the world.

We are not trying to judge you, or your relationship, but we are letting you know that its OK to be a strong women, and that strong women take responsibility for solving their own problems and getting what they want in life.

In terms of my personal experience with relationships, we are about to celebrate our 23th wedding anniversary, and yeh we do cycle together, and would never let a saddle come between us. We have mutual respect for each other, and helping each other achieve their goals. Can I ask how old you are? (i am 50). I will also add that for us, cycling togehter often means going together to a club ride and having lunch together after, but then he'll ride with his peer group and I'll ride with mine. We do tour together, but that is a different dynamic, and he'll carry more luggage to even us out a bit (he is a stronger rider).

Ditto what knotted said.

[Starfish]

we are letting you know that its OK to be a strong women, and that strong women take responsibility for solving their own problems and getting what they want in life.

Well said.

I don't even see this as a feminist issue...substitute the word person for the word women, above, and it makes all kinds of sense for any relationship (for young men with their moms/dads or others, etc...about any relationship).

[OakLeaf]

(we are even going to V-day in New Orleans together, any other TE gals going???)

Oh Trisk I am so jealous! Eve Ensler was in the next town last week. I went to hear her speak and even dragged DH out, he was very reluctant to go but afterward he was really glad he went. (and that he wasn't the only male there ) She was fabulous.

/hijack off - nothing really to add to what others have said, just adding my support for GG!

[SadieKate]

GeorigaGirl (please note the spelling intentional or not) said:

Take it easy on him girls he's sensitive...

Thanks for all the advice and I will take it to heart and hopefully I'll be able to come back and tell you all about my great rides!!

At this point many, many people had given her some great pointers on finding a new saddle and some encouragement, support and ways to help hubby understand.

Then we progressed to discussions of their relationship rather just tools for communication. She not only did not ask for relationship counseling but her participation in the thread appears to have ground to a halt, even though she was on the forum early this morning.

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

Next we have someone declaring that he did call her a b**** not to mention the completely weird comment about her lack of finding a saddle being indicative of her true desire to cycle.

So many members grabbed on and were off and running presuming the worst without feedback or personal knowledge of GeorigaGirl herself.

sounds like you need to do two things:

1) tell your husband you don't like being called a b**** just because you don't want to ride
2) tell him to appreciate his wife for who she is... and not who he wants her to be

... and as for the saddle, honestly... if you were really into cycling (and that's perfectly okay that you're not!), you would have found one already that worked. I somehow think the saddle is not the real issue here

As far as hubby, he clearly identified that he was using her member log-in. He didn't hide anything about his identity. And we've let other men do that without comment.

How about we address her questions and not assume the worst of him?