Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Kalidurga]

"Thanks julie once the computer gets fixed ill show her. also thanks Eden, I use looks and have always used them but i was wondering if theres are some pedals that are easier to get in and out of as far as shoes sounds like mountain bike will work for her. and the speed plays look easier . just trying to make everything comfortable for her so she wont wanna quit"

OK, so this is a cut and paste from GeorgiaGirl's hubby when he was asking about which pedals might be best.

So...there isn't much more important than not having one's clitoris or other genitalia screaming in pain while riding, to promote sticking with cycling.

And here I go again with the blasphemy...

While I am totally addicted to cycling, and I can understand wanting to share what you love with your partner, hubby needs to understand that not everyone shares our love of this activity. It's very admirable that he's trying so hard to make things comfortable for her, but he has to also allow the option for her to quit if she chooses to. Maybe I'm reading too much into that little snippet above, but making someone feel as if they have to enjoy your favorite activity is a potential recipe for disaster.

GeorgiaGirl, you've gotta decide for yourself whether or not cycling's something you want to do. If it is, then you've gotten some great advice here to help you get going.

[Trek420]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

[MM_QFC!]

Adding to the "Hey Hubby" blurbs "Hey DH, let's see how far you ride with sandpaper on the chamois and a few paper clips on choice sensitive areas".

Have you tried "not tonight dear,that saddle is just soooooooo uncomfortable I'm in pain". You'd probably wake up to a selection "here, I got you a dozen different top TE rated saddles. Let's try each till we find the one that's 'love at first sit"

after first wincing at the initial word picture, owie! - I had to hold onto my desk to not be ROTFLMAO in ze office! Good one, Trek - thanks for the grin and you got your point across oh so subtly too

[shootingstar]

Best to drop by LBS yourself and try a different saddle. There's no point trying to convince him otherwise ..when he doesn't have your anatomy. Hopefully you have a receipt for a swap???

A LBS would give the most objective opinion from their perspective..on how often people do come back to try different saddles.

And do some rides yourself on that great bike...you need to build up your endurance, literally and mentally so that you can enjoy rides with him.

I could never be comfortable on my partner's saddle, it's a red hot little Italia..line..narrow profile..

[singletrackmind]

Sneak a woman's saddle onto his bike, that should cover any and all questions he has concerning why you might feel the way you do about inbetweens pain!

One of my best friends bought a bike with a saddle too wide, kept complaining he felt like he was being split apart, couldn't go more than 10 miles in complete agony. My bike came with a narrow saddle and I was really really really unsittably sore after 20 miles.
We switched and happily rode many many miles off into the sunset.

[mimitabby]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

[Flybye]

No I didn't get a professional fit for my bike. He picked it out, bought it and luckily for me ..it's great. I've had one other bike that I absolutely hated. (he's tried to get me into cycling for years). Unfortunately he is one of the know it all types and I'm trying to explain that I'm not being picky or trying to be lazy I just don't want to hurt. My butt if fine it's the umm...can't say this delicately...my other area that hurts...goes numb. Hours after a ride I can wipe and they will still feel kinda numb and sore.
There is one bike shop here that I really like so maybe I'll chance going in alone or with him (being a silent helper) and try out a saddle. I've heard lots of good things about Terry. I wear Terry shorts and for the most part love them. This is also my first time using clipless pedals so I am a true beginner...

Hubby says my brakes are my best friend...I still get a lil nervous going downhill especially steep hills and tend to use my brakes more than I probably should. I'll learn as I go..but I just wanted some input on the saddles to show him I'm not the only one who understands what an uncomfortable saddle is all about!
Thanks guys

I can't help but wonder if there is a little more here than just the saddle. I know that the saddle is AN issue, but I would be willing to bet that the nervousness and his pressure to get you to ride when you don't want to is really part of the problem. Especially if you say that he is a know it all type and within the context of him thinking of you as being a b****. I don't know about you, but I have to do things my own way with my own expectations and within my own time frame. You also need to know that you MAY not LIKE to ride and that if you don't, it is perfectly OKAY.

If you do like riding and would enjoy it more with a new saddle, my advice would be to get a saddle that works and find time to ride without him, thereby increasing your confidence with the brakes, the saddle and the clipless peddles. Maybe ride when he doesn't even know about it so you can surprise him. Find a quiet bike path. I can't imagine being new and trying to ride with someone else, ESPECIALLY someone like my dear husband. I need time - QUIET TIME - to hear myself think - to think about important things like "stop sign coming up, how do I unclip again??" and "which gear shift is up and which is down?" and "I'd like to stop and rest now" I sure couldn't do it with someone controlling handing out advice and helping when all I need is some quiet time to get my confidence built. ONCE you have YOUR confidence - then join him.

If I am way off base here, then snag a saddle and get riding!!

[RoseRydr]

I'm new to posting but had to throw my two cents in here... I've found that hubbys and boyfriends are sometimes the worst teachers out there even if they have your interest at heart. The whole Mars/Venus communication thing is amplified...

There is a lot to think about when you first start out; do I need to shift, which way do I push it again?, should I unclip now? Pothole, glass, gravel, tree stump... Aaaahhhh!!!! I agree with Flybe; get the saddle sitch straightend out and get out by yourself. Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that find a group of women ONLY to ride with. It's a whole different energy! Much more mellow and usually offer tips in a gentle way.

I went through 5 saddles on my first bike and ended up modifying one to make it work for me! When it comes to saddles I like to think of us women as snow flakes; we may look similar but we're all different. That's why there are a gillion saddles on the market. For me, the Terry saddles tore me up but others love them. I like Koobie saddles. They don't just have a cut out (if that's what you need) they have a channel all the way down. Check out their web site koobie.com.

[GeorigaGirl94]

I love him and he Does "try" to help but your aren't too far off base. I would like to ride on our local riverwalk and feel "safe" and we start our ride off on a fairly busy street with dozens of soldiers out and about..it's a bit nerve wracking. I do however, enjoy when we hit the backroads, no traffic just the sounds of nature. He really helps with the gear issues though because without him I'd totally lost. I have to take up for him because he really thinks he's doing me a favor and in part he is and in part he's not. I can learn from him but I would like to learn some things on my own in my own good time. I'm a bit of a hermit though and he is my dearest friend and we do spend a lot of time together so it seems only natural that we are riding partners. He says he likes to ride with me because he can work on his spin and just take it easy. He says he just enjoys being out there with me. So far...saddle aside for the most part I've really enjoyed our rides.

Take it easy on him girls he's sensitive...

Thanks for all the advice and I will take it to heart and hopefully I'll be able to come back and tell you all about my great rides!!

Jamie

[PinkBike]

+1 on what flybye said.

also, just to emphasize -- choice of saddle is a very personal preference. maybe he's heard from other women that the saddle you have is great, but that doesnt mean it will be great for YOU.

for example, i have seen ladies post on here that they just love their fizik arione and yet when i sat on one i thought my "twinkies" were on fire! i love terry firefly and damselfly but cant ride on the butterfly. it takes a lot of trial and error to find "YOUR" saddle. when i got my first road bike i almost quit the sport completely after my first long ride because the saddle was so uncomfortable -- and it was one recommended by other women. so its a personal thing, not even necessarily a woman thing. DH was never satisfied with his saddle and kept switching out until we FINALLY found "HIS"- the specialized alias.

theres one out there for you. you'll know it when you seat it. dont give up.

[Triskeliongirl]

One last point, a saddle that is set too high even if it is good in other ways can also cause you problems, as your girly bits get sawed over the saddle with each pedal stroke. Sometimes women need the rear of the saddle slightly higher than the front (whereas a lot of guys prefer the nose up), but not all of us. Many of us prefer Brooks leather saddles (I ride a Brooks Finesse) but the issue is we are all diff., and we each need a saddle that is well suited to our individual anatomies beyond even being male or female. I would take that gal up on the offer of sending you her lady gel flow. That is identical to the terry butterfly, a very popular saddle.

I strongly urge you to visit the shop where DH bought the bike, and ask to have them fit YOU to the bike. Tell them the problems you are having, and let them work with you to solve it.

[shootingstar]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else. "

Pretty key, don't you think for preserving a long-term joint cycling-marriage?

[Aggie_Ama]

and my DH says "If it affects our sex life, I will SHRED IT!!!!! Personal comfort above all else.

(and you can share THAT with your TE girlyfriends). "

Mimi your husband is always the voice of reason.

[KnottedYet]

GeorgiaGirl - does he let you have friends? Maybe you could take a friend to the LBS with you when you go. Being completely dependent on your DH for every aspect is perhaps not the best way to proceed, especially considering the differences in anatomy, interest, skill level, and motivation.

I've worked with far too many women in unbalanced domestic power situations. Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

[Zen]

Please be aware that this much control over one person by the other member in the relationship is detrimental to both of you. Set out on your own two feet in regards to YOUR bicycle and YOUR riding. It will be good for you both.

+1 to that.
Once you get a comfy saddle, go out on your own. Ride where you feel safe. Maybe explore a new neighborhood, choose a destination where you can go have a cup of tea and let your mind relax. You never know what's out there.