Hubby is mad that I won't ride......

[Eden]

Did I miss something? Where did he talk about a squashy saddle?

Though I do agree with you 1,000 and 1%+ about squashy saddles.

I'll admit I've made a few assumptions - my hubby is a Selle Italia devotee.. they tend towards pretty severly minimal saddles in their racing line, so I kind of read between the lines of Georgia Girls frustrations and took away that hubby has very likely said this saddle type (hard rather than soft) is more comfortable and this saddle is comfortable for me, so there's no reason it shouldn't be comfortable than you..... but what he has forgotten is that she most likely needs a wider saddle... the men's Selle line also tends to run very narrow...

[bouncybouncy]

Jamie...if he is the cyclist he claims to be he should know that saddles are VERY personal!!!!***** Tho he may not realize the difference in womens saddles...you are going to get great advice and I am sure he will read it...so here is mine:

I love Terry!!! I have a butterfly (commuter), a Zero (roadie), and 2 Damselflies (mtn)....

Butterfly - great, cushy, comfy, wide enough w/o being too wide, best all around! too wide for my mtn cause I had issues getting off the back for steep, techy downhill. Eventually caused chaffing on long (70 + miles) road ride...just too much friction. But an awesome saddle.

Zero - love it...no complaints...fits perfect! Why not on my cummuter? I like the cush on short rides...the Zero is narrow and sleek...not so cushy.

Damselfly - it is hard...but wears in! Narrow...easy to get my tush off the back w/o my thighs getting in the way. Gets a little hard on the long fireroad climbs...but those are dull and annoying anyway.

A friend rides a WTB Diva...loves it!!!

The cutout in the saddle is important to alot of women (not all) so that may be something to look for!

My hubby LET me use his saddle for one of my bikes once...hahahahahhaha...I made it to the corner and back...never again!!! Your hubby should know by now that womens parts are different than man parts...so their saddles should be different as well!!!

Now go find a good comfy saddle and ride on....!!!!

*****my hubby sometimes chooses components for me that HE would like...he is learning that a 5' female is very different than a 6'2" male...this is after 3 years of riding together and 2 professional bike fits for me!!! It is a learned trait...patience for both partners!!!!

[RoseRydr]

I'm new to posting but had to throw my two cents in here... I've found that hubbys and boyfriends are sometimes the worst teachers out there even if they have your interest at heart. The whole Mars/Venus communication thing is amplified...

There is a lot to think about when you first start out; do I need to shift, which way do I push it again?, should I unclip now? Pothole, glass, gravel, tree stump... Aaaahhhh!!!! I agree with Flybe; get the saddle sitch straightend out and get out by yourself. Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that find a group of women ONLY to ride with. It's a whole different energy! Much more mellow and usually offer tips in a gentle way.

I went through 5 saddles on my first bike and ended up modifying one to make it work for me! When it comes to saddles I like to think of us women as snow flakes; we may look similar but we're all different. That's why there are a gillion saddles on the market. For me, the Terry saddles tore me up but others love them. I like Koobie saddles. They don't just have a cut out (if that's what you need) they have a channel all the way down. Check out their web site koobie.com.

[Starfish]

I think push back offered in love makes a relationship stronger. One can be strong, decisive, and free without being mean...

He thinks I'm just being a picky B**** and basically I just don't want to ride with him. <snip> how can I express this to him and make him believe it?

Mr. Silver, I agree. And, of course, we have not heard from the husband, but the characterization above paints a mean picture, of a husband who calls his wife a b**** and who doesn't believe her when she says it hurts...and also expresses what sounds like manipulative conclusions about how she just doesn't want to ride with him. Now, that might be a mis-characterization. And, of course, just because one party is being mean-spirited, that doesn't mean it will help if the other party takes up that mean-spirit.

But, if a guy actually is saying she's a picky b**** because she doesn't want the saddle he picked out for her, and accuses her of not wanting to ride with him, discounting her physical pain (and her words describing that pain), putting the burden on her to convince him that she is being truthful...well, sorry, that p!sses me off, and puts me in a mean mood.

Should I have compassion for him...of course, and I actually do. Could it all be a misunderstanding...of course. But, if her description is accurate...it makes me feel mean. I've seen too much damage eventually done to women that started out with subtle controlling, done in manipulative ways to make the women feel they've been too sensitive.

[Zen]

Could it all be a misunderstanding...of course. But, if her description is accurate...it makes me feel mean. I've seen too much damage eventually done to women that started out with subtle controlling, done in manipulative ways to make the women feel they've been too sensitive.

I agree, Starfish. We can't really know for sure about this because you'd really have to be there but it doesn't sound good and being treated that way can lead to Major Bad Stuff for a woman who lacks confidence.
I hope we've given GG a start there. at least as far as cycling is concerned.

[OakLeaf]

I promised myself I'd sleep on this one, woke up even angrier than I was last night... but I see you two have beat me to it. Thanks

[SouthernBelle]

I've thought about this thread as well. It reminds me of a story a lady I know told me. Her husband, with the best intentions in the world, bought her a new car for her birthday. Think about how much time the average person spends in her car. But she had no say in what kind of car, what color, what extras, etc. And unfortunately, it wasn't what she would have chosen for herself. She grew to hate that car.

The OP is in the same position. Her husband went out and spent a lot of cash on something he thinks she should like. But he didn't consult her about what she would like. She didn't get to "test drive" her new vehicle. He doesn't understand why she doesn't really like what he spent so much money on with the best of intentions. She doesn't necessarily care for the color, the fit, whatever.

This past Christmas, my brother made an effort to buy me something cycling related. He got me a Camelbak. A good idea. But when my SIL asked me if I had one, I answered truthfully, 'yes'. He was disappointed. I exchanged it for a new helmet.

What we have here is a failure to communicate. When you are ploughing a ton of money into a gift for someone, why not take him/her with you or at least be sure what you are getting is something you are sure they want. Not what you think he/she should have.

[OakLeaf]

It's a little more than that, SB, though all those points are included.

He bought her something that causes her excruciating pain, called her a b**** for not enjoying it, and apparently has been "at it" with her for some time before she got up the nerve to post.

[Triskeliongirl]

Lets bring it back to the saddle problem. Maybe in her frustartion GG exagerated the relationship issues, maybe she didn't, but those points have been made.

When I first started riding seriously I developed chronic UTIs. My urologist wrote Terry Liberator Saddle on a prescription pad, and sent me to my LBS. In other words, he told me to try saddles with cut-outs. I started with a liberator, and was fine with it. Then I got a new bike that came with a butterfly, and was fine with that. But then I put it on another new bike and it stopped working and I realized even the butterfly which is fairly wide was not wide enough for my sit bones. When that happens your weight is borne by your soft tissues and not sit bones. In retrospect, I also know that my saddle height on the new bike was set a bit higher, which contributed to the problem. I bought a Brooks Finesse from Wallingford, with their generos return policy and love it. It doesn't have a cut-out, but because its wide enough to support my sit bones I don't need it.

My husband also rides skinny selle italia saddles, but he is not surprised they don't work for me, and would believe me if I said there was a problem. Also, if the seat tube angle on the bike he bought is steep (common on many smaller frames) you may also need a very laid back seatpost to get the saddle far back enough for good sitbone support.

BOTTOM LINE, mostly likely the saddle is supporting your soft tissues and not sit bones, and that is what is giving you pain. WHen that happens to your urethra, it will burn when you urinate and you can end up with a UTI. My labia were bleeding until I got my brooks finesse.

PLEASE REPORT BACK HOW YOU WORK THIS OUT. AND WELCOME!!!!

[Trek420]

wow, i wonder if that poor gal has come back to read all these posts.
I am seeing a lot of wisdom here; but I wonder if they are ready to hear the truth.

ANY advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm sure he'll be reading them..

Jamie

Or her husband.

[SadieKate]

He thinks I'm just being a picky B**** and basically I just don't want to ride with him. We are at it again today. It's a beautiful day and I would love to go riding with him but I refuse to keep hurting myself. He keeps saying I ride with the same kind of saddle I gave you...YEA well it hurts me. I absolutely love my bike and really enjoy riding with him so how can I express this to him and make him believe it?

NOWHERE DOES SHE SAY HE CALLED HER A *****! GeorigaGirl says "he thinks . . . " This could be her interpretation of his words and thoughts. My husband thinks I'm a picky princess at times, but I could easily, in fun, have described to someone else his reaction using the same word, but over the internet the joke wouldn't be interpreted correctly. She's made very few posts so not a one of us knows her personality or her writing style. The few posts by Mr. GeorigaGirl were obviously well-intentioned and very polite. Other husbands/boyfriends have posted here using the woman's sign-in without you ripping into him. I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

Just maybe, maybe, she'll come back and learn some valuable things about cycling and us about her.We may all be completely surprised. In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

[salsabike]

I doubt either of them will ever be back here. Frankly, I don't blame them. Yikes.

I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

Oof, I couldn't agree more.

[Starfish]

NOWHERE DOES SHE SAY HE CALLED HER A *****! GeorigaGirl says "he thinks . . . " This could be her interpretation of his words and thoughts.

SK, I know that I, for one, wrote about this as her characterization of events, not as though it was a direct quote of what he said.

But, she asks "How can I make him believe me?"

Well, she shouldn't have to do anything more than simply say, "I hurt" for him to believe her. Again, maybe he does believe her. All we have to go on is what she wrote. But, she asked us this question, so I think addressing it was in order.

GeorgiaGirl, I hope you do stick around on TE. As you can see, you will always get varied and frank feedback to your questions and opinions. Cycling is a wonderful sport, passtime and lifestyle, and the info on this forum is a wonderful support for that.

I for sure dislike a lot of what I read on TE, but it is not worth it to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is too much to be gained here. Hope you decide the same.

[snapdragen]

I doubt either of them will ever be back here. Frankly, I don't blame them. Yikes.

I vote we all layoff the relationship counseling without knowing a damn thing about her and her husband.

Just maybe, maybe, she'll come back and learn some valuable things about cycling and us about her.We may all be completely surprised. In the meantime, I'll keep an open mind and not jump to conclusions without more information.

Oof, I couldn't agree more.

Adding my voice to the sentiment, thanks ladies for saying what I couldn't put into words.