Guilt!

[VeloVT]

it's a toughie.

First of all, while I completely understand why you feel guilty, I do think you have a right to take care of yourself and your relationship with your husband, and sometimes that means taking time for yourselves.

Secondly, I know this is a huge financial decision and I don't know if your niece's health would preclude it, but if you are really feeling heartsick about this, you could consider the possibility of offering the vacation to your sister & her husband. Not sure if the pleasure of giving them healing time would offset the loss of that time for you and your husband... only you will know that.

I'm always hesitant to respond to these sorts of questions because I'm always afraid I will say something that comes across the wrong way, in a way I don't mean, and I will offend someone, so please realize that I am very sympathetic to your situation and am not passing judgement about any decision you might make, and if something I say sounds like I am, it's just clumsiness on my part.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and realize that you are being a very good sister.

Edit: Mr Silver and Flybye are faster typists than I am! I really like what Flybye said.

[Brandi]

Liza- your advice is good. Don't be so hard on yourself I don't think you can say the wrong thing to me. If I knewmy sister would enjoy herself by going on a trip right now I would give it to her in an instant. But the fact is she is a very worried mom and I believe the guilt of having any fun right now would eat her up.
I really like the advice Mr Silver gave on using the term trip and not vacation.
I am sure up to the point of getting there I don't think I will get over feeling guilty. But one of the purposes of vacation is to leave things that are troubling you behind for a little bit. And maybe that is what I will need.
I meditate a lot, due to a bout with heart palapatations I had some years ago. I will look at this trip as a two week meditation to center me again. If my cup is not full how can I fill anyone else's?
And flybye you are right about "Don't lie! You would just heap guilt upon the way that you feel already".
It is hard to not feel guilt....she is dealing with one of the hardest things she has ever delt with in her life! And I am not. Is it I just wish it was me and not them?

[KnottedYet]

I will look at this trip as a two week meditation to center me again. If my cup is not full how can I fill anyone else's?

You are absolutely right.

[RoadRaven]

Mr Silver summed this up so succintly and accurately.

Talk about this as a trip, not a holiday. You can text supportive messages every day so they know you are thinking of them. Talk about/offer how they can have a trip as soon as things are less intense... or perhaps time out - organise evenings or days where your sister can have time for herself, or with family or friends while you look after her daughter. Eventually you will be able to give her the freedom of a weekend or some such offer.

I agree also with your own words, and will second Knot's statement. This is an ideal time for you to take a mental and physical break and come back refreshed and ready to help your family again.

[Zen]

When the oxygen mask drops during a flight you put it on yourself before you put it on a child.

You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.
Good mental health and stress relief is an important aspect of a healthy life.