Quote Originally Posted by indysteel View Post
Lisa, as I indicated in a prior post from last week, I don't have a relationship with my toxic sister. It'll be five years in August since I chose to walk away. It was both the hardest and best decision of my life. She was sucking the life blood out of me. After years of trying to make it work, I finally admitted that it couldn't, at least not under terms that I could live with. I sought therapy when I made that decision--the other best decision of my life. I miss the idea of a loving, functioning sister but I don't miss her. Being freed from that relationship has allowed me to move forward in my own life.

I hope you also find peace in your decision.
Indysteel,
Thank you for the encouraging words. I have found peace with it. I have thought about doing this a few times already over the years, but never acted on it. And eventually the long cycle would repeat itself.
This time, I waited 3 days after his angry phone outburst- talked things over with my wise and loving DH and waited 3 days to think carefully, cry, and think again before I responded to bully brother. Then I composed a calm email simply and clearly explaining why he would no longer be in my life, and that I wished not to be contacted by him at all anymore. The message was strong and clear. It was definitely time. I sent it off yesterday morning.

Immediately after hitting the "send" button, I felt strangely calm and peaceful. It felt right. I fully expect he will blame me (since he is never to blame) and thus I really don't expect to hear from him at all anymore. He knows that any attempted contact from him will be refused in any case.

I feel good that I made this decision and acted on it. It's really the healthiest thing both for me AND for him. Perhaps it will in a small way encourage him to finally seek help sooner rather than later.
I think you and I both realize that yes we do so fervently cling to the idea of having a loving sibling...it is such an irresistible idea...but these people simply would never be able to be that, no matter what we do or don't do to try to make that happen. Though a certain amount of change is possible when someone wants to change, we must give up the unrealistic and perhaps selfish fantasy of them becoming what we want them to be. If they are causing us nothing but unhappiness year after year, it eventually becomes time to put the relationship out of its misery.

...And who is to stop either you or I from someday symbolically "adopting" a new brother or sister from amongst our most cherished friends? I've never had a sister and the idea of this is very appealing in a lovely childlike sort of way.
I will keep my antennae out as I continue my journey through life.