Old boyfriends or girlfriends!

[teigyr]

Pedal Wench, that is a fantastic story. And Lauraelmore1033, I am always SO happy and impressed when people have been married forever

I have to admit I'm a bit of a curious person so while I have yet to go to a reunion (hated H.S. then, would probably equally hate forced contact with my former classmates), I always want to see how people turned out. I've done my share of Facebook and Myspace lurking just to see.

I also agree with letting sleeping dogs lie unless you're in a situation where it wouldn't hurt anyone else (ie a spouse or their spouse).

That all being said, sometimes apologies way after the fact are a good thing. A long time ago a guy came to my parents door (well after I moved out), introduced himself, and said to tell me he was sorry for once spooking a horse I was on. If you ever could do a simple apology like "It wasn't your fault and I am so happy to see that you turned out happy, etc" if it's sincere is ok. If it's for ulterior motives, esp if you have a DH, then not so good.

I know we've had threads that go round and round re opposite sex contact. I am so fortunate in that DH has met some of my past relationships and while we don't hang out with them in our normal social circles, it is the past and all are ok with it. I want the best for them but I'm happy where I am.

Now re this Facebook stuff. It appears that I can't see much of their profile unless they are my friend. That totally negates the stalking aspect and I protest. Is there a way around it

And yes, DH knows of my tendencies. I often show him my findings. He only balks at the scary ones.

[lph]

That all being said, sometimes apologies way after the fact are a good thing. A long time ago a guy came to my parents door (well after I moved out), introduced himself, and said to tell me he was sorry for once spooking a horse I was on. If you ever could do a simple apology like "It wasn't your fault and I am so happy to see that you turned out happy, etc" if it's sincere is ok.

This brought back a few memories. I was a pretty weird kid, and several years later, one of my ex-classmates came to visit me (biked a hell of a long way to do so, actually!), just to say she was sorry about the way she had treated me at school. Funny thing is, I only remembered her as friendly to me at school, but she obviously felt otherwise. Anyway - at the time I was just a bit embarrassed and sort of brushed her off, but that was such a big gesture and I was deeply touched. Especially because she really had no reason or need to apologize, we were well onto our separate lives by then.

An ex-sortof-boyfriend did something similar, by letter. I wrote him back and thanked him. And never heard from him again

I wish I were better at righting the wrongs I've done to people. I consider these two people good examples of everyday decency.

But - in general: I support having friends of both sexes, but if you don't have anything unsaid I believe in letting sleeping ex'es lie...

[Grog]

I have had harmonious relationships with most of my ex's, but I'm glad I live 5000 km away from them now, so I don't bump into them or end up working in the same place etc.

Speaking of stalking...

There was a guy I dated for a month perhaps during my late teenage, he was just a few years older, but pushy and unpredictible. I ended the relationship in what was probably not the most tactful way, and he sent me back a photo of myself cut in a thousand pieces and the meanest letter I have ever read from anyone. I don't think I heard anymore of him for several years until I appearantly crossed his way at my university (I was going down an escalator and he was going up or something like that). I did not see him, but soon after I received an email from him (I'm not that hard to find) that I found a bit spooky. All I remember now is that he was upset because I ignored him when I saw him, and that he had not had another girlfriend since I left him, stuff like that. I think I was polite but it really made me nervous.

That was perhaps eight or nine years ago, but I started being a little more spooked when I heard about that tragic event in Pennsylvania, the milkman that killed schoolgirls in Pennsylvania and who said some obscure things about taking "revenge" from old girlfriend stories. There was also that man who, 18 years ago now, killed 14 women he called "damned feminist" at Montreal's Polytechnique school (women engineers-to-be). I'm always a little bit worried about men who have become frustrated in their relationship with women, for whatever reason, and about the stupid things they might do later in life. I don't think ALL men who are frustrated with women will go on and do something so violent and so terrible, but it's a thought at the back of my mind that I just can't waive... As a society, what can we do to avoid more of that?

Not a reason to raise your daughters in fear. I just thought I'd share this with a bunch of friendly women, because it's been on my mind for a while... Sorry for taking this thread so far off-topic.

[Tuckervill]

I had a stalker in high school. Then he graduated, and then I graduated, and I got married and had a kid. We ran into each other again, and he stalked me AGAIN for a while, even though he was married, too. I was never afraid of him, just annoyed.

During senior year of high school, I had a serious boyfriend--my "first"--(stalker had graduated already) for almost the whole year. We got our yearbooks and he wrote a full page of loveliness in mine. I read it once and then left it in his car or something. Before I got it back, we broke up. He ruined that page of my yearbook and wrote something nasty on it. I've never looked at the book since.

At our 10 year reunion, he wouldn't look at me. I guess he does have a conscience. He had nothing to fear--I was married (again) and had two kids and was living far away, and was so OVER him. But I am SO glad we broke up in high school!

Karen

[teigyr]

Scary stalking!!! Wow, I can't believe people do things like that.

I just look and think "wow, look at their dating profile. They claim they've never been married and I KNOW they have been..." silly stuff like that. The scary stalkers just shouldn't happen though with the internet the way it is, it is all too easy to find people.

I'm glad everyone who has had a stalker is ok though, that's so serious.

[onimity]

I saw my HS boyfriend several years after college; we'd kept in touch (barely) through college, then had coffee one night several years later. He had changed a lot & not for the better...I got a strange vibe from him.

He suggested we get together again sometime, I said sure, thinking it would be several more years. Turns out he'd moved back in with his parents in the small town we were from & that weekend he called & asked what I was doing. "Going out with some friends in a few hours" I told him, lying. He said he was thinking of driving up to hang out with some people and wanted to see me. "Uh, I probably won't be home, but give me a ring if you decide to." Well, that was a mistake. I can drive the distance in 1.5 hours, and in less than one my phone was ringing.

I let the machine get it, guess who. He was approaching, wanted to know where I lived. I was a little freaked out & called a friend to ask if he wanted to go to dinner. He came and got me & we met up with some other friends and stayed out pretty late.

When I got home had *36* messages on my machine; this guy had looked my address up in the phone book, found my apt. and waited outside. He apparently saw my friend come pick me up and proceeded to nurse a bottle of tequila in the parking lot outside my apt., and told me how much I meant to his drunk & deluded self in excruciating message after message. "I'm walking around the pool outside now. Are you ever coming home?" He apparently left around 1AM.

He called and left more messages the next day, "I didn't hear from you, I want to make sure that guy didn't chop you up & leave you in a ditch somewhere" etc. Needless to say I didn't return his calls.

After that he contacted old friends, my co-workers, my little sister (he saw she was in a HS play) and told them all how much he just wanted to talk to me, etc. He would call and hang up, or just drive through my neighborhood park and watch for a couple of years after. VERY scary.

Anyhow, -1 here for contacting the ex!

Seriously, I have remained friends with the vast majority of people I've dated, but if you haven't remained in contact sometimes the good memories are better as just that.

Anne

[Grog]

When I got home had *36* messages on my machine; this guy had looked my address up in the phone book, found my apt. and waited outside. He apparently saw my friend come pick me up and proceeded to nurse a bottle of tequila in the parking lot outside my apt., and told me how much I meant to his drunk & deluded self in excruciating message after message. "I'm walking around the pool outside now. Are you ever coming home?" He apparently left around 1AM.

Scary story, Anne!

This guy needs to sign up for the "Don't Drink & Dial" service!!

Glad HE did not chop you up!! Geez.