Old boyfriends or girlfriends!

[singletrackmind]

First loves? While on the odd occasion I give a thought or two as to where they are in life I merely hope they are contented. They weren't meant to be or they'd be here now. Instead they were training for what came after so I happily let sleeping memories lie, preferring no update.

I consider my past experiences to be that, past.

[kelownagirl]

I've never been to a reunion and don't think I want to. I sure don't have any urge to run into old boyfriends but I must say, there a few songs that stir up old feelings when I here them. It's kind of funny but there's one in particular, that makes me all gushy inside, and for the life of me, I can't remember which boyfriend it belonged to...

And Brandi - are you married? If not, maybe you can check him out on facebook? If you are, best leave it alone...

[Trek420]

I consider my past experiences to be that, past.

what she said. I wish them well and life moves on.

The 8 ball says "I do not recommend it"

But you can ask it yourself

www.msu.edu/user/vandrag2/8-ball.html

[KnottedYet]

what she said. I wish them well and life moves on.

The 8 ball says "I do not recommend it"

ditto.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to a couple of 'em. But I'm content to let sleeping dogs lie.

[Pedal Wench]

I kinda agree to some of the 'let sleeping dogs lie' theories, but sometimes, it's different. In my case, I let him go the first time, because we were at different points in our lives. I was 21, just out of college. He was a little bit older, settled in his profession (where he still was when we got back together.) Ours was more a case of bad timing. The second time around, I was settled in my career, had a life of my own, and was ready and willing to share it.

[teigyr]

Pedal Wench, that is a fantastic story. And Lauraelmore1033, I am always SO happy and impressed when people have been married forever

I have to admit I'm a bit of a curious person so while I have yet to go to a reunion (hated H.S. then, would probably equally hate forced contact with my former classmates), I always want to see how people turned out. I've done my share of Facebook and Myspace lurking just to see.

I also agree with letting sleeping dogs lie unless you're in a situation where it wouldn't hurt anyone else (ie a spouse or their spouse).

That all being said, sometimes apologies way after the fact are a good thing. A long time ago a guy came to my parents door (well after I moved out), introduced himself, and said to tell me he was sorry for once spooking a horse I was on. If you ever could do a simple apology like "It wasn't your fault and I am so happy to see that you turned out happy, etc" if it's sincere is ok. If it's for ulterior motives, esp if you have a DH, then not so good.

I know we've had threads that go round and round re opposite sex contact. I am so fortunate in that DH has met some of my past relationships and while we don't hang out with them in our normal social circles, it is the past and all are ok with it. I want the best for them but I'm happy where I am.

Now re this Facebook stuff. It appears that I can't see much of their profile unless they are my friend. That totally negates the stalking aspect and I protest. Is there a way around it

And yes, DH knows of my tendencies. I often show him my findings. He only balks at the scary ones.

[lph]

That all being said, sometimes apologies way after the fact are a good thing. A long time ago a guy came to my parents door (well after I moved out), introduced himself, and said to tell me he was sorry for once spooking a horse I was on. If you ever could do a simple apology like "It wasn't your fault and I am so happy to see that you turned out happy, etc" if it's sincere is ok.

This brought back a few memories. I was a pretty weird kid, and several years later, one of my ex-classmates came to visit me (biked a hell of a long way to do so, actually!), just to say she was sorry about the way she had treated me at school. Funny thing is, I only remembered her as friendly to me at school, but she obviously felt otherwise. Anyway - at the time I was just a bit embarrassed and sort of brushed her off, but that was such a big gesture and I was deeply touched. Especially because she really had no reason or need to apologize, we were well onto our separate lives by then.

An ex-sortof-boyfriend did something similar, by letter. I wrote him back and thanked him. And never heard from him again

I wish I were better at righting the wrongs I've done to people. I consider these two people good examples of everyday decency.

But - in general: I support having friends of both sexes, but if you don't have anything unsaid I believe in letting sleeping ex'es lie...

[Grog]

I have had harmonious relationships with most of my ex's, but I'm glad I live 5000 km away from them now, so I don't bump into them or end up working in the same place etc.

Speaking of stalking...

There was a guy I dated for a month perhaps during my late teenage, he was just a few years older, but pushy and unpredictible. I ended the relationship in what was probably not the most tactful way, and he sent me back a photo of myself cut in a thousand pieces and the meanest letter I have ever read from anyone. I don't think I heard anymore of him for several years until I appearantly crossed his way at my university (I was going down an escalator and he was going up or something like that). I did not see him, but soon after I received an email from him (I'm not that hard to find) that I found a bit spooky. All I remember now is that he was upset because I ignored him when I saw him, and that he had not had another girlfriend since I left him, stuff like that. I think I was polite but it really made me nervous.

That was perhaps eight or nine years ago, but I started being a little more spooked when I heard about that tragic event in Pennsylvania, the milkman that killed schoolgirls in Pennsylvania and who said some obscure things about taking "revenge" from old girlfriend stories. There was also that man who, 18 years ago now, killed 14 women he called "damned feminist" at Montreal's Polytechnique school (women engineers-to-be). I'm always a little bit worried about men who have become frustrated in their relationship with women, for whatever reason, and about the stupid things they might do later in life. I don't think ALL men who are frustrated with women will go on and do something so violent and so terrible, but it's a thought at the back of my mind that I just can't waive... As a society, what can we do to avoid more of that?

Not a reason to raise your daughters in fear. I just thought I'd share this with a bunch of friendly women, because it's been on my mind for a while... Sorry for taking this thread so far off-topic.