Hi Girls,
Allowing for the fact I'm from the UK and so things may be different between us
Here, we would send flowers to the co-worker - we'd be sending our condolences to him for the loss of his Mother, we don't know the rest of his family. Wouldn't even ask about the charity bit - all we're doing is saying 'Hey there friend, we're thinking of you as you go through this rough time'

Hope this doesn't add to your dilema