Dear cat,

Please stop eating things you find lying around like toilet paper (WHY?) or your toys. You don't appear to have suffered any major consequences yet (apart from orange, feathery poop), but there's a first time for everything. You get expensive food and treats. What is so interesting or tasty about toilet paper, anyway? The toys I can understand. ("Kitty hunt toy! Kitty kill toy! Kitty eat toy!")