shootingstar, I am so sorry for your loss; that is tragic and sad.

I know what it's like to lose a sibling, though not to suicide. My brother was less than a year younger than I and died 16 years ago. I used to scream in my car, pound the wheel, and cry, wondering where my brother had gone, how could he no longer be here?

You will always miss her. As time goes by, you will not always miss her all the time. It will hurt less often, but it will likely be a year or two before you notice that it isn't hurting so often, that there are breaks between the hurt, and times when it doesn't hurt so much to think of your sister, times when you are simply grateful for having had the opportunity to know her.

I hope that you can talk to your family, to her children and husband, to your parents, about your sister.

Your change in perspective will probably stay with you; so far, it has for me.

I am so so sorry; you have my deepest condolences.