competitive SOs...(long)

[zia]

I went through a similar experience with my DH when I began cycling more seriously this summer and wanted a road bike. He didn't want me to get more than a Sora group, wanted to do all my bike maintenance himself (which the LBS had to undo), wanted to fit me on my bike himself (which the LBS also had to undo), etc.

I think the changes in self confidence we experience from exercise can sometimes hard for our partners to understand, or even be threatening to them. I think my husband had a view of me (inexperienced, clumsy, slow -- not in a mean way, as I did fall a lot in the past!) that didn't match what I was becoming (competent, maybe even fast!). That balance -- of him being the *bike smart* one, of my relying on him -- was part of the thread of our relationship. As I've learned more about biking, it's also made me a little sad to see that he doesn't know *everything* about biking, as I'd previously thought.

This happened concurrently with a lot of other personal changes. I began training with a wonderful group of women. I began putting on muscle, made lots of new close friends, and started feeling happier and more confident than I had in years. He was very supportive, but it was still a change, and I know he continues to figure out how he fits into the new me. I think clinging to his role as "bike expert" was an expression of that.

For now, I've accepted he's not going to be the biking buddy I had visions of him being. And that's ok. I nicely accept his advice when offered. But I take my bike to a LBS for service and fitting. I do my own research. And I have a very supportive training group who I share my biking thrills and anxieties with. Like everything else, this will work itself out. And in the meantime, I'll be happily waiting for him to catch up.