So I was on bike patrol the other day, usually when we are on patrol on the bike, we do park checks, ride through neighborhoods, but seldom respond to 911 calls unless we happen to be right there. I have done a few traffic stops on the bike and actually did a DWI from the bike, but as a general rule, we are background officers while on the bike.

So dispatch called me to a call regarding a cow. It seemed that the cow was pretty much submerged in the creek. A citizen driving by saw it and called it in as a cow that had "fallen" in to the creek, she was afraid it might drown. NOW, envision me. On the bike, fully equipped, vest on, gun belt on. Armed with....a bike. HOW am I supposed to solve the drowning cow problem? Well, that is not dispatch's problem...its mine. Since I was close, I was on.
I couldn't resist. As a general rule, we say minimal amounts on the radio...it is public record and anyone with a scanner can hear. But I couldn't help it.
So I came out with the following:

"12-dispatch. Not sure how I can help but I will try to steer him in the right direction."
"12-dispatch. I am on scene and the rancher is not home. I knocked but I don't think he herd me."
"12-dispatch. I have eyes on the cow in question. I think he is just tanning."
"12-dispatch. I have made contact with the rancher. He advises that the cow is genetically disposed to swimming." (he really did advise that...he showed me pics on his phone of the cow in questions mom and dad...swimming)

The dispatchers, generally appalled by me anyway, were not amused. I was told to go back to bike patrol.

And yes, the cow was just doing a hippo routine... it walked out into the creek to cool off. Totally unimpressed with me and my bike, it eventually re-emerged on its own.