Dear My-Dad's-Neighbor,

Did you really think it would help get rid of the solicitor at the door if you got in your car and tried to run him over? Did you really think this wouldn't lead to other problems? Like hitting my car broadside on the street? Really?

Did you really think it was wise to wait until after I'd left to come out and apologize to my dad? The estimate is $2,000. I hope you have to pay every cent out of your pocket! And I hope you move away soon, or at least keep your lawn mowed this summer.

Signed,
Just another of your victims