Chicago, I don't really have anything new to add, but I think everyone has good advice.

--I agree that sometimes being the victim is a form of passive aggression, and he needs to take responsibility for telling you how he feels.

--It's helpful sometimes, when you can feel a fight coming on but you feel like it's really important to communicate what you are trying to communicate, to step back and say, "It seems like I'm hurting your feelings, and I really don't mean to do that. It seems like you are interpreting what I am saying as X, Is that right?" I know that's not that helpful without more specifics, but sometimes trying to really understand WHY the other person is reacting the way they are to what you are saying can turn it back into a constructive conversation.