I never really had marriage as a goal for myself. It wasn't something I was against in any way, and my parents had a great relationship (still do!) so I had a good model right in front of me for a successful marriage. But I was more interested in other things--getting my degree, travelling, finding work I loved. So no one was more surprised than I was when I met a guy when I was 19 years old and knew (o.k., it took me most of a year to "know"--I didn't trust my own judgment and we were dating long distance before the era of cheap flights and email) that he was the one. But even then I took it slow--I still wanted to finish my degree, go to graduate school, travel, etc. I knew I had to be completely happy and comfortable with my own life before I'd commit to marriage. We finally married when I was 25, and I thought at the time that maybe I was still a bit too young! My husband was also very cautious and in no hurry--he had married young and was divorced when we met (he's almost 11 years older than me) and wanted to make absolutely sure he was making the right decision. He said he wouldn't even consider marriage again for at least five years after his divorce.

That was nearly 15 years ago and we're still happily married, although it hasn't always been "happily ever after." There's something like a 75% divorce rate among parents of autistic children, and we often get the "how do you do it?" question from people. But I think going into the marriage knowing that it wouldn't always be blissful and romantic was a great start, along with going into it knowing that we both were completely happy with who we were as individuals. Add to that a good dose of flexibility, mutual respect, lots of common interests and a few uncommon ones, patience and a good sense of humor. That's how we do it.

Sarah