results from needle biopsy :(

[marni]

Well the results are back and they are not so good. In addition to the calcifications indicative of Ductal Carcinoma Insitu ( non invasive breast cancer) they found some areas of a "atypical cellular structures" which means something else, not positive .

My options are for them to whack another piece out and then follow up with radiation therapy, or to just go ahead and have a masectomy on one side and continue with the tamoxifen to protect the other side, keeping my fingers crossed.

I will more than likely have the masectomy although my sag guy is not entranced with the idea, but is quick to say that it is my choice and he married me for myself, not my body.

I am slated to do the little red riding hood ride in June with my three sisters in june and since the dr. says that although the decision needs to be made, preferably sooner rather than later, she is not worried about waiting a couple of months, that it is not about to run amuck, it's just another atypical result that I need to deal with.

I am releasing/venting/ dithering here because I can't yet dither to anyone other than DH and that makes me tense. I am thinking not be telling my sisters until after the ride at least because I don't want that weekend to turn into a pity party but at the same time I sure would like some sympathetic ears and shoulders. What would you do?

I will be telling my children about the probability of the surgery, since they pretty much know that something is going on but I am in a real dither about my sisters. We are very close, and we all vowed (after my mothers open heart surgery which she hadn't told us about until 24 hours ahead of time and then only because the sister still living at home, broke her promise and called us) that we would employ full disclosure at all times, but....... I think I will be swinging back and forth between ignoring it and obsessing about it and being grimly upbeat so as not to worry dh and fil who lives with use, that I won't be any good with dealing with anything but objective listening and quiet non emotional support until after the fact and I know the "sistahs" will all want to support and surround before and after. Dither Dither Dither what to do what to do?

It's not even like my ta tas are that big- small fried egg size, so I don't foresee any problems to adapting to being one sided, and the other side seems to be blissfully clear so fingers crossed on that issue. Obviously I have very very mixed emotions about it all.

Anyway, we can all relax the wheel spinning until June and then I would really appreciate some really really active wheel spinning and positive thoughts.

[azfiddle]

Katy- sending a hug - that's pretty tough news, and I'm sure you will have some rollers to ride for a while with ups and downs. I hope the way ahead will be as smooth as possible, and I'm pretty sure this will be just one of many messages of support. Sharon

[KnottedYet]

((((Marni)))))

I'd tell my sisters PDQ. (in my case, it's my best friend who told me all her breast stuff every moment... cuz I'dve been really mad if she hadn't told me)

Imagine if one of your sisters was going through this, and was afraid to tell you?

Telling them now fulfills your promise you made to each other, and lets them get over the emotional hump before you really need them to be strong and steady helping you before and after the mastectomy.

Make the plans now. (Who is going to stay with your family to help while you are in the hospital? Who is going to stay with you at the hospital? Who is going to stay with you and help once you get home?) Then everyone is ready and has their ducks in a row, so it all goes smoothly.

And you can do the ride without fretting...

(((((((Big Hugs!!!!)))))))

[hebe]

((((Marni)))))

I'd tell my sisters PDQ. (in my case, it's my best friend who told me all her breast stuff every moment... cuz I'dve been really mad if she hadn't told me)

Imagine if one of your sisters was going through this, and was afraid to tell you?

Telling them now fulfills your promise you made to each other, and lets them get over the emotional hump before you really need them to be strong and steady helping you before and after the mastectomy.

Make the plans now. (Who is going to stay with your family to help while you are in the hospital? Who is going to stay with you at the hospital? Who is going to stay with you and help once you get home?) Then everyone is ready and has their ducks in a row, so it all goes smoothly.

And you can do the ride without fretting...

(((((((Big Hugs!!!!)))))))

All of this. I would be telling my sisters. I'm sending you hope, hugs and postive thoughts anyway.

[snapdragen]

Aw, darnnit. Big hugs sent your way marni.

If you decide to tell your sisters, just let them know that you need their support, with no added drama. I'm thinking it would be good to have some more sounding boards, but that's just me.

We'll keep the wheels at a slow spin, to send you strength.

[Tokie]

Is there any support network nearby (American Cancer Association?) that might have a breast cancer support group of some sort? We have a Breast Cancer Resource Center in our town with a library,support groups and you can sign up to have a "buddy" to call on for support through your diagnosis and treatment. You may be surprised how your friends and family can rise to the occasion when you tell them how you need them to help you! The surgery decision is so personal-you are the only one who will know what is right. You have every right to make your own choice and be supported for it. Take good care of yourself! tokie

[Kitsune06]

Ohhh, (((((((((((((((((((((((Marni))))))))))))))))))))))) hugs and support from us, too. One step at a time.

[jelee1311]

{{{Marni}}}. I think I would let your sisters know because I'm sure they would want to know and help you. Please vent when you need to we will listen. Please be good to yourself. Big hugs. Jenn

[indysteel]

(((((marni)))). I'm so sorry to read this. I agree with everything Knotted said in terms of telling your sisters. I'm sending positive, healing thoughts your way.

[crazycanuck]

Marni, I just wanna say you're one strong chicka for putting up with the rounds of needles etc.

Take care
C

[Possegal]

I agree with folks saying that really only you can say what is best for you. We all only know what is best for ourselves. You do what you need to do. If you tell your sisters now, maybe be very emphatic with them that right now, you want to just enjoy your bike ride and deal with this when that is finished and ask them to not dwell on it with you before then.

Keep in mind folks, there is no need for marni to tell the family for their own medical well-being, as this is not her first diagnosis (hence the vigilant screening and the tamoxifen she is taking), so her family already knows that there is now a family history.

We will all keep spinning our wheels for you marni, you just tell us how hard you need us to spin! And come here and vent anytime you need to. I find it one of the best things about online/anonymous forums.

[zoom-zoom]

You've already been given so much good advice...I will simply add my support. (((Marni))) you are so strong. Continue to be good to yourself and do what makes this journey easiest for YOU.

[MomOnBike]

I agree with Knotted Yet. I'd tell my sisters. That may be just me, my sister and my husband were the only two that knew about my cancer for a long time. My mother was the last one I told, but that's my family dynamics.

If you do tell your sisters, order - don't politely suggest - order them to have fun with you on the upcoming ride. The pity party can happen afterwards. The bike ride will be for mental health. There will be more than enough time for a pity party.

[withm]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I guess statistically 1 out of 9 or 10 women are affected. Once you include their families and friends, at this point I think everyone knows someone in your position.

I have 4 sisters, we are fairly close, and yes, I would struggle with this decision as well. Much as I might want to keep things to myself, I just can't see any benefit by not telling them if I had any kind of a serious condition.

Since you are close with your sisters, they will notice changes in your attitudes and behavior, or preoccupation and I would guess they will be wondering what's going on. It will be very difficult to even have phone conversations over the next 2 months and have them not notice even subtle changes or that you are not as forthcoming as you usually are.

I know my sisters would be very hurt if I were to withhold this news for so long. Your bike ride is not for 2 months - telling them now lets the news sink in, and gives them time to think about it and to react. I would expect that sharing this will bring you all even closer and make for a better bike ride when you do all get together.

[indigoiis]

Telling your sisters opens a line of communication for them to tell you when they need you, when the time is right. If you do tell them, be specific (facts, next steps) and then be specific about what you need from them (a really fun bike ride, continued conversation/open communication) and then change the subject when you feel like everyone is on the same page.