Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

[maillotpois]

My paralegal just gave me these.

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. For men: Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

*You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
* If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
* If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

[bikerz]

MP - Those are hilarious!

I wish I had known about #2 - I'd definitely have fewer scars!

[Trekhawk]

LOL - thats so funny. Must remember to use number 2.