Hi, pals. Just thought I'd share about the past week after my faceplant on last Saturday. The bruises and shiner are fading out. Now I'm working on my mental game. I went out last Monday evening and barely managed a slow, wobbly, panic-stricken 3 miles. I talked to myself the whole way, but it was dreadful, I was near tears. On the bike or off, I was terrifying myself. Tempted to just give it up. I think a few things were coming into play. One is - at 46, this is my first sport. No experiences getting smacked by a soccer ball or crashing into a baseman in softball, taking my lumps, breaking a bone, no nothin'. Not even falling out of a tree. I did take some tumbles from my horse when I was a kid, but I didn't even know you could get hurt by that, so I didn't, and don't even remember being scared. Another thing is, I work at a brain injury rehab - so I hear all the time about what should have been inconsequential falls becoming life-changing events. And lastly, I deal with a kind of PTSD from tough stuff that happened when I was a kid, so one bad scare can open up a kind of abyss of fear that takes a while to close up again. Intrusive thoughts, etc.
I'm not throwing a pity party, but this will wreck my new-found love if I don't get over it. I've been doing a lot of self-talk, wrote some affirmations (I am a safe and confident rider, I relax and enjoy my ride, etc) and I've done 2 more rides, about 8 miles or so. I've gone out at dinner hour, when traffic is very light, and I'm picking the gentlest route I can. Last night was better, I even smiled once or twice. I was originally planning a club ride tomorrow evening, but I don't think I'm ready. What I'm thinking on now is a week of short, sweet rides by myself. By then, hopefully, my confidence/relaxation will be back. Right now, I don't even feel like I'm ready for help from a ride leader, unless they're also a shrink.
Ah, and I'm bummed because Charles just left for a 20 mile-plus ride, and I knew I wasn't up to it yet. Maybe it's a good sign that I'm bummed. Maybe I need reassurance that other women have gone through this and come out the other side to have a joyful ride again. Thanks for listening. Again.