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  1. #1
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    Why do you voice your thoughts/opinions?

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    I understand everyone has an opinion, I also understand it is your "right" to express it; my question is why do you express it? Are you hoping to change someone's views, find common ground, validate your process, degrade someone else, create an open dialog?

    I ask because recently I've been subjected to others uninvited/unwelcome opinions and it got me thinking about why they felt the need to share their thoughts and opinions, what they hoped to gain from it. Why they believe their opinion has any relevance.

    Electra Townie 7D

  2. #2
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    Depends, were the unwelcome opinions on a forum?
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
    Specialized Romin Saddles

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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muirenn View Post
    Depends, were the unwelcome opinions on a forum?
    No, in person. Although your question makes me think about the different places we share our thoughts; forums exist for that purpose so I should have been more clear.

    Electra Townie 7D

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    I understand everyone has an opinion, I also understand it is your "right" to express it; my question is why do you express it? Are you hoping to change someone's views, find common ground, validate your process, degrade someone else, create an open dialog?

    I ask because recently I've been subjected to others uninvited/unwelcome opinions and it got me thinking about why they felt the need to share their thoughts and opinions, what they hoped to gain from it. Why they believe their opinion has any relevance.
    Why they believe their opinion has any relevance?
    -Well, I'm always right. (Not so tongue in cheek, when I express an opinion, it's based on my own rational, otherwise, I won't say anything. However, I score INTP on Myers-Brigg, and according to that, it is a hallmark of my personality. ). There. Proof. I'm always right. But, only 2% of the population are INTP's, so I don't know what's wrong with everyone else. (Yes, I'm being facetious, sarcastic, sardonic. But my point is, those feelings about self and opinion are what you are experiencing. I didn't mention dogma and anecdote. But I don't subscribe to those).

    What do they gain? Validation.

    What do they want to accomplish?

    I'm not trying for an open dialogue. If you want that, look elsewhere under Myers-Brigg.

    Change someone's views? For me, no. I give opinion and info. Don't usually care unless it's actually important. On a board, I do it too much, because I selectively answer. Do other's do that? (see other personality types. But yes. I think so).

    Find common ground? I evaluate another person, if we have common ground, I talk with them, not to them. If we don't have common ground, I avoid.

    Degrade? I try not to. I didn't fit in as a kid (and still don't). So I try not to do this. I don't always succeed as it is not always easy for me to evaluate the way I'm perceived. (Really good at judging character in others. Not good at actually interacting with them. Again. Personality type).

    Do you live in a very conservative region compared to where you lived before? Is this where the questions originate?

    If so, here is my opinion. They're stupid.
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muirenn View Post
    ...

    Do you live in a very conservative region compared to where you lived before? Is this where the questions originate?

    If so, here is my opinion. They're stupid.
    Thanks for the detailed reply, seriously.

    And yes, I now live in a smaller coastal southern town. I believe you are correct, and they seem to revel in this.

    Electra Townie 7D

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    Thanks for the detailed reply, seriously.

    And yes, I now live in a smaller coastal southern town. I believe you are correct, and they seem to revel in this.
    Also live in a small, coastal town. I like to visit Savannah and Charleston, but it's hard to maintain contact with friends there as the interstate does not directly connect me.
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
    Specialized Romin Saddles

    Surly Krampus!

  7. #7
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    That's where I'm at these days, not so much friends as needing some community. I've started looking to places in Orlando to go and visit and get a respite from the bigotry.

    Electra Townie 7D

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    That's where I'm at these days, not so much friends as needing some community. I've started looking to places in Orlando to go and visit and get a respite from the bigotry.
    I don't really have a peer group where I live. Too conservative or much older. i actually wondered if you'd run into this when you said you were moving, but hoped you would be going to an area in Florida that was more tolerant.

    Any plans or hope of moving? I'm about 50 miles north of Savannah, ga. Are you far from me? Just curious. I assume you are if you can socialize in Orlando.
    Last edited by Muirenn; 01-12-2016 at 05:05 PM.
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
    Specialized Romin Saddles

    Surly Krampus!

  9. #9
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    This was seriously a reason why I moved back to MA, from AZ. Now, that is not to say that there were not and are not today, others with opinions and beliefs similar to mine. But, in 1990 we saw the writing on the wall. Compared to the early 70s, when my parents moved to AZ, the politics totally shifted. I pretty much stayed within the confines of my little group of friends, connected to the JCC, a few colleagues, and people i knew from the university. And, I lived in a liberal, university city. But... I taught in the neighboring town, and really, got sick of of the prissy attitudes of a lot of the staff and some students, who mostly were members of a particular religion that is ultra conservative, mysonigistic, and racist. One of the male staff members told me that my husband should not *allow* me to watch cable TV . I did not like it when my 5 year old had to go on a tangent to explain to a grocery clerk why he didn't celebrate Christmas. I know people have different opinions, I just want to be around people who don't constantly try to tear down my beliefs. I am not going to try and change others. I stopped speaking to close members of my family (aunt and cousins) because of this. They may be the only Jewish conservatives in Massachusetts, but it ruined every holiday and family occasion. I don't have to justify myself to anyone...
    I just can't get past the part of me that marched on the Boston Common in 1968 and got thrown out of high school when I moved to Florida in 1969 and wore a black arm band to protest.
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  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    Are you hoping to change someone's views, find common ground, validate your process, degrade someone else, create an open dialog?.
    1 seldom 2 mostly 3 sometimes 4 i try to have a calm mind and a warm heart 5 i enjoy it when it happens.

    It would be nice if some people didn’t foster aggression/anger towards others by assuming what they should be like….but then I am also on a journey of trying to keep an open heart and trying to find a way to talk to others from the point of view of our good hearts. That’s easier, but can still be difficult at times, to do with family and even more of a challange with those who aren’t and make us angry with their thinking….be Pema in those moments!

    Yeah community IS important….hoping you find some comfort when finding it!!!
    remember….my thoughts were palm springs and weho back then
    Last edited by rebeccaC; 01-12-2016 at 10:03 PM.
    ‘The negative feelings we all have can be addictive…just as the positive…it’s up to
    us to decide which ones we want to choose and feed”… Pema Chodron

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muirenn View Post
    I don't really have a peer group where I live. Too conservative or much older. i actually wondered if you'd run into this when you said you were moving, but hoped you would be going to an area in Florida that was more tolerant.

    Any plans or hope of moving? I'm about 50 miles north of Savannah, ga. Are you far from me? Just curious. I assume you are if you can socialize in Orlando.
    This is home for the foreseeable future, we are nearing the end of our work lives and moving again would be cost prohibitive now. We are a couple of hours south of Jacksonville so several hours from you (I think?), and same here with much older people and far more conservative than we originally thought.


    Quote Originally Posted by rebeccaC View Post
    1 seldom 2 mostly 3 sometimes 4 i try to have a calm mind and a warm heart 5 i enjoy it when it happens.

    It would be nice if some people didn’t foster aggression/anger towards others by assuming what they should be like….but then I am also on a journey of trying to keep an open heart and trying to find a way to talk to others from the point of view of our good hearts. That’s easier, but can still be difficult at times, to do with family and even more of a challange with those who aren’t and make us angry with their thinking….be Pema in those moments!

    Yeah community IS important….hoping you find some comfort when finding it!!!
    remember….my thoughts were palm springs and weho back then
    PS or WeHo would have been wonderful, wish I'd chosen a more lucrative career so I could have had more options.

    Regarding Pema, I've started taking time each day to read a little of her work while I sit at the beach. It's my zen place.

    Electra Townie 7D

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crankin View Post
    This was seriously a reason why I moved back to MA, from AZ. Now, that is not to say that there were not and are not today, others with opinions and beliefs similar to mine. But, in 1990 we saw the writing on the wall. Compared to the early 70s, when my parents moved to AZ, the politics totally shifted. I pretty much stayed within the confines of my little group of friends, connected to the JCC, a few colleagues, and people i knew from the university. And, I lived in a liberal, university city. But... I taught in the neighboring town, and really, got sick of of the prissy attitudes of a lot of the staff and some students, who mostly were members of a particular religion that is ultra conservative, mysonigistic, and racist. One of the male staff members told me that my husband should not *allow* me to watch cable TV . I did not like it when my 5 year old had to go on a tangent to explain to a grocery clerk why he didn't celebrate Christmas. I know people have different opinions, I just want to be around people who don't constantly try to tear down my beliefs. I am not going to try and change others. I stopped speaking to close members of my family (aunt and cousins) because of this. They may be the only Jewish conservatives in Massachusetts, but it ruined every holiday and family occasion. I don't have to justify myself to anyone...
    I just can't get past the part of me that marched on the Boston Common in 1968 and got thrown out of high school when I moved to Florida in 1969 and wore a black arm band to protest.
    I totally get this. It's very wearing to constantly be placed in a defensive position, especially when we aren't really interested in having the conversation in the first place.

    My long time friends like to joke that my tombstone will read "All she ever asked was to be left alone", not sure why that's so hard for some people, just leave me alone and I'll return the favor.

    Electra Townie 7D

  13. #13
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    I feel for you, Pax. This is why cost of living/employment isn't the only thing to consider when moving... the culture where you live is as important, unless you desire no human connection!
    I feel like this is the stuff that really can wear you down. It's a stressor, as much as financial stress or illness, in my book.

    Murienn, when I was in Beaufort for DS's boot camp graduation, I went into the Democratic party headquarters. This was in 2004, during the campaign between Kerry and Bush. I was feeling very out of sorts/agitated just being in a very conservative environment, and I was not looking forward to being on the base (I got over that part, a long time ago, since my son is pretty much his same, weird self). The woman in there was wonderful, and I talked with her for like 30 minutes. I wanted a Kerry button to wear on myself at the graduation, in part to make my views known. They didn't have any, so she gave me her own button, which I wore on my purse for the whole week. Have you ever thought about connecting with that group?
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    I totally get this. It's very wearing to constantly be placed in a defensive position, especially when we aren't really interested in having the conversation in the first place.

    My long time friends like to joke that my tombstone will read "All she ever asked was to be left alone", not sure why that's so hard for some people, just leave me alone and I'll return the favor.
    I think some of us could say the same about some workplaces where we've been. I have. It's not even having the conversation at all. People just having certain attitudes and expressing it in multiple subtle ways and behaviour as well.

    Sometimes it's not just validation we might want to hear, but hear more real, different experiences from the other side. Learn something. I'm open to that as a person who does have some strong views and hope the other person would as well.

    For enjoying retirement, I most definitely would not want to live in a predominantly conservative area where basic my core values and my life experiences were undermined/ignored often. I feel for you, Pax. Where I live, is Canada's oil prairie rangeland heartland here in Alberta. It's taken long time locals to change... it's amazing though, what a difference just having a highly articulate mayor, Canadian-born (East Indian and Muslim), can change the face of a city by reminding people to be tolerant and open...Canada is taking in 10,000 Syrian refugees. It disappoints me, the attitudes of some Americans that we read in the press. Very extreme. (Trump is not helping and fuelling a lot of ignorance.)

    I also tend to judge "community" in diversity --not just the people, but how the city/an area expresses creative, forward thinking that embraces diversity : arts, regular events, the nature of local non-profit organizations and the local press. And who is in local power --is it homogenous or is there some power sharing in decision-making how public funds are spent, etc. Sometimes if a town/city has 1-2 local universities /colleges with strong programs that draw students internationally, can be a help. For myself, it's a source of learning by taking a course or 2. Online learning does have it's limits, at times.

    I probably would get bored living in small, homogenous very small towns...after awhile. I don't need constant external stimulation but my personal inspiration is drawn from interacting with a broad range of people, what they do also. So more local diversity helps me grow too.
    Last edited by shootingstar; 01-13-2016 at 05:14 AM.
    My Personal blog on cycling & other favourite passions.
    遙知馬力日久見人心 Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long period of time, you get to know what’s in a person’s heart.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pax View Post
    This is home for the foreseeable future, we are nearing the end of our work lives and moving again would be cost prohibitive now. We are a couple of hours south of Jacksonville so several hours from you (I think?), and same here with much older people and far more conservative than we originally thought.



    PS or WeHo would have been wonderful, wish I'd chosen a more lucrative career so I could have had more options.

    Regarding Pema, I've started taking time each day to read a little of her work while I sit at the beach. It's my zen place.
    It's about 5 hours south of me, I think.

    You are at least close to St. Augustine. That's a beautiful town. Ever been there?
    So long as the wheels are still turning, life is good.

    Battswebb

    Pinarello Quattro~CAADX~ Zurich Lemond
    Specialized Romin Saddles

    Surly Krampus!

 

 

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