Trail Riding Gripes

[kajero]

1) People riding side by side who think it is acceptable to ride over the center line (marked) into the other lane. I was on a very narrow trail in the oncoming lane and I actually almost went off the trail on my side to avoid them.

2) Cyclists who pass but do not check to see if there is enough room to "butt" into a line of bikers if another cyclist should come from the other direction

3) Cyclists who don't say "On Your Left" when the trails are very busy. Even though it makes really unhappy, I can almost, but not entirely forgive it when trails are not really busy.

4) Cyclists who don't get off the trail when they stop!

5) Cyclists who have MP3 players earplugs in their ears or talk on their cell phones while riding. Yep, I acutally saw someone doing this!

6) Parents who don't watch their kids and don't teach them trail etiquette. I always slow down and keep very aware when I see family with small kids. I just don't know what the kids will do. Yesterday, there was a family in the oncoming lane where I was riding letting their son (7 years old?) ride over the center line. I was glad I watching because he was looking off to his left and came directly into my path. Because I was aware, I was able to avoid crashing in to him.

7) Parents who make their children wear helmets but do not wear helmets themselves. What does THAT teach a child? I also think children in Burley trailers should be wearing helmets. What happens if the Burley tips over?

8) And this is my personal preference, but I can't stand to see guys riding with no shirt. Their gross overweight bodies just do not impress me.

These are things I have become VERY aware of and/or experienced since my horrible crash last April. I am sure there are more but I can't think of them right now.

[goldfinch]

You've been riding the Greenway? I was on the Minneapolis Greenway a few weeks ago and got stuck behind a guy whose pants were so low that there must have been six inches of crack showing. And, he was smoking a cigarette.

This morning I rode a limestone trail that goes around a small town of maybe 10,000 people. This trail is very quiet, I saw no other cyclists and only a couple of walkers in 16 miles. But, as I came around a sharp curve I nearly ran into a walker who was on the wrong side of the trail. We both screamed as we were so startled and I ran off the trail. Fortunately the ground at the edge was fine in that area and it wasn't hard to go off the trail, but man that was nearly a bad accident.

[Crankin]

Kajero, I agree with every single thing you said. This is why I rarely go on a bike trail; moot point, as we don't have very many here.
I see a lot of those things on the roads, too, like kids with helmets, but parents not wearing one, and yes, the guys with no shirts.

[kajero]

Uhm . . . How did you know I was riding on the Greenway?
And . . . since when do walkers walk on the correct side of the trail? LOL. Surely not on most of the trails I ride on!

[goldfinch]

Uhm . . . How did you know I was riding on the Greenway?

I ride in the twin cities a fair amount and the worst examples of riding etiquette seem to be on the Greenway! And Mpls in general seems worse than St. Paul.

Generalization I know.

[pll]

I find trails scarier than riding on the road! I use them for short stretches, when I cannot avoid it.

[Irulan]

Time to reprise this classic from Best of Craigslist:
Minuteman Trail Rant


I know this is a rant but whatever, I put it in the rant section also. Every once in a while I take an easy ride on the Minuteman bike path. By the time I am done I swear never again. A month later I don�t want to go to the fells and repeat the same mistake again. I know the bike path is for everyone but HOLY **** there are some really annoying people on it.

1) Two-A-Breasters: There is a reason the bike path has a yellow line. You *** wipes ride (or walk) side by side and hog the whole thing. Get with the program! The only good thing about you are your screams of fright as I blow by you without warning.

2) Queer-Eye-For-The-Biker-Guy: I realize that it is possible to buy an entire suit made from Spandex. It is also possible to beat off with a cheese grater, that doesn�t necessarily make it a good idea. If you were you going fast enough to make wind resistance an issue I might be more understanding but you are usually granny-gearing it as you swerve around trying to adjust your $200 sunglasses. Spend less time buying expensive crap and more time riding.

3) Slow-And-Lowers: Do you know that you can adjust your bike seat so that you don�t look like a bear riding a mini-bike at the circus? Take the 30 goddamn seconds to raise the freakin� seat. Your back will thank you and you�ll be able to break 12 miles per hour with out blowing out a knee cap.

4) Sky-Bar-Enders: Bar ends ARE NOT for getting your hand six inches above the handle bars. They should not be pointing straight up in the goddamn air! If you don�t know exactly why you would want bar ends then YOU DON�T NEED THEM. They are not a convenient resting place for your chubby hands. They are for getting your weight forward during a STEEP TECHNICAL CLIMB. I hope impale yourself on them after you hit a tree because you couldn�t reach the brake lever in time.

5) Richie-****: Yah you, the guy with the $3000 full suspension big hit bike poking along the bike trail. The biggest hit you have ever taken was when you got butt raped by the guy who sold you that bike. YOU SUCK! You are the same dumbass who buys a Hummer so you can gun it when you roll over some construction on Mass Ave. You buy a sweet bike and then ride it on freakin� pavement. I know you have never hit the trail cause� there is NO DIRT on the thing. Not a spek. Plus you look like a *****. Either take it off pavement or give it to someone who will.

6) On-Your-Late: Ok there is absolutely nothing wrong with a well timed �On your left� but here is the thing. The whole point of saying it is to warn the rider in front of you that you will soon pass them. Not that you are already next to them on their left side! If your bike is next to mine, IT�S TOO FREAKIN LATE. If we were going to collide we would have. You screaming �On your left� in my ear at that point will only increase the chances of me making an error and crashing into you. Just pass you re-tred.

7) The HFS (Huge ****ing Stroller): HOLY ****! Are you running a cloning lab? If your stroller needs a brake it�s too damn big. Take your kids to the playground and play some tag or something. Jesus, there are bikes flying by at 30 miles per hour. If one hits you your kid will ****ing die. I know you think the world will stop for you and your precious little angels but get a clue. Three words �Severe Head Trauma�.

8) Woof-Woof-Splat: Keep your dog on a leash you ***. First of all it�s the ****ING LAW. Second of all your dog is dumb. So dumb in fact, that it will run in front of my bike to eat some piece of **** left by another jackass dog walker. I WILL hit your dog. I will not get killed or hurt somebody else trying to swerve around Fido. I almost died last year trying to avoid an unleashed dog and will not repeat the mistake. I love dogs but I like my unbroken bones better. Take responsibility for your pet.

9) Roller Bladers: You all suck ***, flailing your arms wildly as you coast along on you roller skates. YES they are roller skates and thus, quite lame. I don�t care if the wheels are �inline�. You jackasses suck so hard I have to break you down into sub-categories of suck.

9.A) Newbi-Tard: You people are ridiculous. You are all decked out in helmets and pads. You mostly look terrified as your (usually fat) *** careens down the very slight grade of the trail. Here is a hint. If you don�t know how to STOP then it probably isn�t safe for you or anyone else for you to be on the path. I swear one of you is gonna fall in front of me and get an imprint of my front sprocket on your fat thighs.

9.B) Pack Of Newbi-Tards: See above but clustered together, literally hanging onto each other for protection. You are worse than the individuals. You take up the WHOLE TRAIL so nobody can pass. Heed the dirty looks you get and go find a freaking parking lot. I hope to kick one of you as I ride by and watch as you all fall over in a flabby whimpering heap.

9.C) Hot Chicks With Skimpy Outfits: The only reason you suck is because you are fully clothed and make me slow down to check you out. Other than that you rock.

9.D) Super Sweet Doooods: You guys are sooo ****ing gay it�s not even funny. You think you are awesome as you take up the whole trail gliding back and forth in super sweet slow motion. I dream of you flying off the trail and getting wrapped around a tree.

People Of Mention:
Having been on the path more than a few times I have come to recognize a select few people who require special attention.

The kid who shot me with a plastic BB gun: I saw you hiding behind the bush well before you shot me. You were lucky I was going fast when the yellow BB hit my chest and thus had to slow down a little before leaping off my bike and chasing you as far as your back yard. You were scared shitless which is good because you could kill someone doing that ****. If I ever see you again you won�t be so lucky.

The 35 people who rode by me pretending I didn�t exist as I asked for a spare tube or a patch kit after blowing both of my spare tubes: You all suck ***. A very nice lady eventually stopped and gave me a patch. I know I was covered in mud but come on people. I always stop and ask people if they need help, common freaking courtesy.

The Decked Out Intense Midget Woman: OK you are not actually a midget but you do look very small. Or perhaps you look small in comparison to the mounds of crap attached to your mountain bike which is too big for you and I am sure has never left the pavement. Not only do you fall into categories 2, 4, 5 and 6. You were also one of the 35 jerks who didn�t help me. In fact you looked me in the eye and didn�t even slow down. I KNOW you have every sort of tool and tube imaginable packed away in your various slings and packs yet you rode by as if I were invisible. You look like a goddamn scuba diver with your neoprene outfit and mirrors sticking off of every available part of your bike. I see you on Mass Ave. from time to time in the morning on my way to work. You look retarded. And why do you hang a huge plastic bag from your bar ends?!?!?! It looks like your gear makes you waterproof to the depth of at least 15 meters. What are the bags doing? Worst of all YOU ARE SLOW!!!!! God you are slow. Jettison some of your useless **** and maybe I won�t blow by you 4 times in one ride.

Tubby Guy On The Tiny Road Bike: I�ve only seen you a few times. Once I passed you through an intersection not knowing that this would enrage you so much that you would be forced to almost hit me as you sprinted past me sneering. I must say I was impressed, you hauled *** dude. I�m guessing you didn�t keep it up very long tho. If I hadn�t been on the tail end of a five hour ride I would have raced.

Gay Guys On The Tandem Bike: I am assuming that you are gay simply because I don�t know any straight guys who would go in 50/50 on a bright yellow tandem Cannondale and then ride it regularly in spandex forgive me if I am wrong. I haven�t seen you guys in a year or so. You were my arch rivals. Holy crap you were fast. One time I kept up with you (on the downhill) for a few minutes and almost died. I swear you would slow down until I got close and then take off again. I salute you, you bright yellow bastards. Oh and good call making the one eyed guy ride in back.

People Who Rock: Yes there are some people who rock! I�m not a total *******.

Hard core road bikers: Holy crap you guys (and gals) are fast as hell, keep it up.
Mountain Unicyclers: I�ve seen you in the fells and there is only one word for you BADASS!!!!!!!!
Messengers/Anyone on a fixed gear with no brakes: You know it but I�ll say it anyway. Elite.
Trials Riders: I wish I had skills like that.
Little Kids with Big Helmets: You rock, two thumbs up!

See you on the Minuteman!!!!

[Owlie]

I'm fairly lucky, then! We've got around 300 miles of bike trail in this area. Maybe it's because SW OH is a fairly polite region, but the worst of the problems are the occasional people who don't announce their presence when they pass, and the odd runner in the middle of the trail.

[Penny4]

8) And this is my personal preference, but I can't stand to see guys riding with no shirt. Their gross overweight bodies just do not impress me.

THIS!
Also goes for in shape guys. I saw a guy on a local 6 mile long trail in cycling bibs, no jersey. It was very hot out, but come dude, that is just not a good look! And for a 6 mile greenway ride??

I also get irritated with cyclists who treat the greenway like it is their personal time trial course. Sorry, but we all need to share the trail, and that means sometimes you ahve to slow down.

And lastly....I hate when I slow down to wait for oncoming traffic to clear so I can pass pedestrians/slower bikers in front of me, and some jerk comes flying behind me because they are too impatient to wait.

[tulip]

Gosh. And I was complaining about the lack of bicycle facilities in my city. Guess I should count my blessings that I only have to worry about belligerent drivers.

[roo4]

Wow. I'm surprised the author of the Minuteman Rant even bothers to get up in the morning. Get a grip, guy.

[kajero]

Wow. I'm surprised the author of the Minuteman Rant even bothers to get up in the morning. Get a grip, guy.

I AGREE WITH YOU. I might gripe, but it is still not THAT bad!

[Tri Girl]

Wow. I'm surprised the author of the Minuteman Rant even bothers to get up in the morning. Get a grip, guy.

I was thinking the same thing! I gave up reading the whole thing. Jeez... just stop riding your bike, dude!

[Crankin]

OMG, I have never seen that rant, which is surprising because I live about 8 miles from the end of the trail. I haven't been on it at all this season, and when I do get on it, it's during the week, or on cold, cloudy days in the fall/winter.
The writer does sound a little over the top, but, it's mostly true... up until this year, there was a farmer's market at the terminus in Bedford that I would ride to every Monday, while I was in grad school. This was a "destination," for people from the city coming off of the trail. Sometimes I went to the market, just to watch the people arriving on their bikes. A couple of years ago, my bike group had a bike valet parking service on the first day of the market in June, which I manned for 2-3 hours. It was quite an experience.

[Wasp]

My personal least favorite type i encounter on the trails, is the person (usually a women) walking a dog (usually quite small and fluffy) that's on a retractable leash and the bloody leash is all the way out (like 30ft out). Fido is on one side of the trail, and dog owner usually on cellphone and or texting is on the opposite side of the trail completely oblivious they are about to cause some serious harm to either the dog, or the cyclist......or both. And usually said dog owner moves slower than a sloth (hence the need for a 30 ft leash) so you end up either braking and going really slow or come to a full stop.
On the upside at least the dog is actually on a leash.