My kitty has moved on to her next life....

[lovelygamer]

My cat was acting a bit down the past couple of weeks and late one week I noticed she wasn't interested in eating. I made an appt. for the vet last Saturday but they could not get her in right away so I took her Monday night. by Monday, I don't think she had eaten in three days.

After the physical exam, they told me she probably had stomach cancer. It was my first time to this vet and he was very kind but I was not ready. I promptly burst into tears. This was the first time I have been told news like that concerning an animal, and I was by myself. I should have known this might have been coming and taken someone with me but I totally did not understand the signs of a terminal illness. I stupidly thought perhaps she had some form of light anemia but I did not know why.

They did scans, sonograms, blood tests etc. and nothing was conclusive. They put the blood work on the overnight rush. I was to come back or call back the next morning at 8 a.m. to find out more and decide on options. The vet told me to try to get her to eat anything, even people food.

It was a horrible night. I got her to eat two pieces of human tuna fish which she later tried to throw up. She took water but only if I brought it to her. She crawled on the floor about 1 a.m. and around 4:30 a.m. started a terrible howl that I knew was the end. I stayed with her the whole time and she passed around 6:30 a.m. I have never had to do this and again, I was alone. It hurt me so badly. It was one of those times in life you know you have to buck up and be adult but you would rather do anything but.

I had to go to work by 9 a.m. for a mandatory meeting so I had to let her go really fast. That hurt me too. I didn't want to release her body. I didn't want to bury it. I decided to get her cremated but I had to take her right away because of work. I cried so much at the vet when I dropped her off, I wasn't even sure I could handle the 9 a.m. meeting but everyone at work was kind and helped me take it easy.

She was the best cat. I had her from 6 weeks old (humane society) to 14 years old. She was my only cat. I took in other cats when I was married but they stayed with my husband when I left. I nursed her through a broken leg, parasitic infection, two bowel obstructions, and many more minor things. She was always my best friend and always tolerated all of my crazy lifestyles. We moved homes or apartments probably four or five times together. She was a big cat, 18 lbs in her youth and 14 in her old age. She was even 11 lbs in the end, sick. She had long, soft fur that I will miss so much. I don't think there has ever been a cat with fur as soft as hers.

I get her ashes back this Thursday. I'm going to search for some baby cat pictures of her today to make a frame up to put beside the memorial box.

I'm thinking about getting another cat. When I was young, I had another calico. Calico's especially torties, are close to my heart. I'm going to wait a bit to make sure I am ready. I miss her so much.

[OakLeaf]

(((((((lovelygamer))))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy. She was a beautiful kitty.

[Catrin]

I am very sorry for your loss, it is always so hard to lose a beloved pet.

[indysteel]

((((Lovelygamer)))) She was a beautiful cat. I'm so sorry you lost her. It's just heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself.

[Tri Girl]

LG- my deepest condolences on the loss of your best friend and faithful companion. She was a beautiful kitty. I'm sorry it ended the way it did, but the fact that you held her and loved her until her last breath is the way you both needed it to be. You both gave so much of yourselves to each other. There will never be another just like her, but if you decide to adopt again, the life you save will also save yours.
Big hugs to you. We all cry along with you.

[colby]

Much love to you. I hope I am with someone that loves me as much as you loved her when it's my time.

When we combined houses with my dad and little brother a few years ago, he brought his two cats with him and both have since passed (one of them was over 17, the other 10), both in my arms. I felt so helpless, all I could do was tell them how much I loved them and that it was okay for them to quiet down and let go. You know when it's time, but that doesn't make it easier, they are such a big part of our daily lives.

Many hugs and good luck on your journey to find a new kitty friend!

[spokewench]

So sorry for your loss. No matter how it happens it is never, ever easy. Be kind to yourself and know it is natural to cry and greave. Our kitties are part of our family. All my love goes out to you.

[lph]

I'm so sorry! It's so hard, no matter how they go. But you obviously gave her a wonderful life full of love, and the final hardest gift of being with her favourite human being at the end.

[TrekDianna]

((((Lovelygamer)))) I am so sorry. I am truly crying with you. I adopt many special needs cats and I go through this much more often than I would like to. It does help to hold on to the good memories and know that she knew how much you loved her.

[pll]

Lovelygamer -- my condolences. I cannot imagine how painful this was for you.

[IBrakeforPastry]

LG- my deepest condolences on the loss of your best friend and faithful companion. She was a beautiful kitty. I'm sorry it ended the way it did, but the fact that you held her and loved her until her last breath is the way you both needed it to be. You both gave so much of yourselves to each other. There will never be another just like her, but if you decide to adopt again, the life you save will also save yours.
Big hugs to you. We all cry along with you.

I second every single sentence in this post.

Allow yourself to grieve and you'll know when the time is right to allow another kitty into your life. I bet your deceased friend - what was her name? - will send a sign. (just the fact that you're already thinking about it sounds healthy)

My condolences.

[lovelygamer]

Thank you everyone. I'm glad you don't think I was stupid. I really felt horrible afterwards. She hadn't had a serious illness in five years though and I really thought it was minor. Poor baby. I don't think she had really bad suffering until the very end though-that was the first time I heard her cry out.

One thing I realized about myself. People always say that making the decision to put an animal down is the worst decision ever and so impossible. I have heard that people feel guilty either way they decide.

About six months ago, I was involved in the process with my ex husband as the dog we'd had together was also old and ill. He too, was terminal. We made the decision together to have him put down but we had a vet come to the house so it could be in his own environment. I was there and I cried just as much when the light went out of his eyes.

I tell you what though. A much as it hurt me, the second my cat made those painful cries like nothing I had ever heard from her-I would have taken her to the vet and done it. That may sound terrible to some but I couldn't handle her suffering. I did my best to keep her comfortable and I was planning to take her to the vet at 8 a.m. no matter what. I can't stand to see an animal suffer and by then I realized there was no turning back. I have learned a lot about my ability to go through that.

Her name was Skittles. She was my sweet and good girl to the very end.

[zoom-zoom]

Calico's especially torties, are close to my heart. I'm going to wait a bit to make sure I am ready. I miss her so much.

They are so special. We just picked up our Lola's ashes last week. She was a beautiful and sweet tortie, too. I've never met a tortie that didn't have a fun personality.

RIP, Skittles. I hope Lola is showing you around on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

[sashadieken]

She was beautiful! So heartbreaking to lose such a wonderful companion!

[solobiker]

I am so sorry for your loss {{hugs}} You gave her a great home and you will always have great memories. She will always be with you. I was "lucky" too...just like you I was able to be with my dog when she died in our home. I feel your pain...but hold onto those fun memories. {Hug}