ever feel guily for riding? (warning... sad post)

[caligurl]

sooooo do you? i have for the past couple of weeks... and even moreso the past few days.... as a matter of fact.... my mileage has dropped considerably...

why do i feel guilty? well... a few weeks ago it dawned on me that i was "ignoring" my dogs (along with housework and yardwork.. but that doesn't bother... they weren't getting the walkies they used to... hikes on the desert.... or even just having us home on the weekends with them... so they can know we are there while they sleep all day...

sooooooooooooooo i decided that next year i will NOT ride my bike 6 days a week.... i planned to still ride on weekends.. but not all day long both days... and limit workdays to tuesdays and thursdays for short rides... and get back into walking the dogs more.... or just laying around on the couch watching movies with them...

so they guilt was already in place... however... do not put off til tomorrow what you can do today.....

you see.... my what i thought one day was a healthy happy 6 year old darling baby boy samoyed... decided to stop eating... not alarming... he's always been finicky... however it continued and progressed to the point that NOTHING would entice him.... sadly... to make a long, sad story short.... after hospitilization, blood tests and ultrasounds, etc (all within the matter of a few, too quick days).... we found out he had stoicly (spelling) been hiding any symptons....

i had taken time off work to ride over the holidays.... i never in a million years dreamed that these days that i didn't end up riding... would be my last with my darling baby boy.....

one day between visiting him in the hospital in the morning and picking him up later to transport him to a differnt vet's office for his ultrasound... i rode.. and cried the whole time... (very short ride).... the other days i didn't ride at all.....then over the weekend (saturday afternoon) i forced myself to go ride since hubby was home with our other dog and 2 cats... and because i felt i had to get some "normalcy" into my day.... i only managed another very short ride.... but the whole time i was out i felt horrible.... guilty.... i couldn't wait to get home and be with brie (dog) and the cats).... sunday i didn't even ride.... just couldn't do it! i keep thinking about the time i "wasted" riding my bike and not spending it with my furbabies.....

hubby tries to tell me not to feel this way... but i can't help it......

thanx for listening.....

[AllezGirl]

Family vs. riding is always a problem for me. I'm a single mom and I have my son every weekend. (his Dad is off during the week, so he has him Wed., Thurs, and Friday) So, if I want to get any weekend ride time in, I have to leave him with friends. He doesn't seem to mind, but his dad just loves to throw it in my face. Like I don't feel guilty enough. I think he's just jealous that I actually have a life, and I'm sure he'd feel differently if the tables were turned.

[runnergirl]

Is your little guy gonna be ok? Do they have a diagnosis?

I can understand the guilt, but riding will make you feel better, and dogs can really pick up on mood. If riding gives you a lift your optimism will have a good effect on them.

I feel guilty for riding pretty frequently and leaving hubby home. He can't keep up with my group rides, so we ride together about twice a month. Plus he works in DC 4 days a week so I only see him Fri-Sun anyways, then I have a 2 hour ride Sat AM and a 4 hour ride Sunday. Race season is going to be really brutal, but he says he supports me riding 110%, so I make sure that what time I have with him quality time-not just co-existing time.

[SalsaMTB]

Awww...I'm so sorry about the pup.

I know exactly what you mean about guilt with riding. DH and I almost always ride together, which means the pup is home alone. We both feel a little guilty that we are out enjoying the fresh air while she is locked inside. She's a really lazy dog, but still enjoys a walk around the neighborhood and loves attention. We've had weekends where we decided not to ride because we felt like we were abandoning our dog. We now try to take her out for a walk after our rides.

[caligurl]

Is your little guy gonna be ok? Do they have a diagnosis?

no.... he's at rainbow bridge now..... it was his kidneys.. and there were no symptons (as is usual in the case of kidneys) until too late.... too much damage... we kept hoping and hoping it would be something else.... it was devastating to learn the truth.... i keep looking back... looking for signs... but other than finicky eating (which he's been a finicky eater from the day we brought him home back in 1999.... there were no signs.... until too late.... it was all too quick... he was too young and it was too unexpected....)

which is my biggest guilt of all... that i feel like i didn't spend enough time with him this last year.... i've now been smothering brie (dog) and bailey and jasmine (cats) to the point that they are probably thinking "leave us alone, mom!"

[jobob]

Sounds like you might need a bit of a break from riding. Kick back, and give yourself time to attend to all the things that have been weighing on you.

Sooner or later, hopefully, you'll have a clear(er) conscience and a renewed interest.

Like others have said, the hills (and the roads, and the trails) will still be there, they're not going anywhere.

Best of luck ! And sorry for your pup, that has to be hard.

- Jo.

[Nanci]

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. That (kidney failure) happened to a friend's cat- no sign at all until it was too late, and even then, he was just slightly off, just not eating as much as he ought to have been. They had time enough to try _everything_ and were still unable to save him. Don't blame yourself for not noticing. It is animals' survival technique to not appear ill, ever.

Nanci

[Trek420]

Dog vs rideing is always an issue for me. As a "single parent of a dog" I feel guilty spending time away from my pup. That's why a lot of my rideing is commute, longer rides are near here. I have an agreement with my ex, who orriginaly adopted said dog for dog care if I wanna get away. But I find I always miss her (the dog that is of course <vbg>). I'm actually considering some way like trailer that I could take Mae with on flatter rides.

Caligirl you wouldn't be a good pet owner if you didn't feel guilty being away from your dog. With so many pet owners I wonder why they got a dog in the first place just to keep it in the back yard. You took good care of your pup.

Enjoy your other fur-kids, they grieve for their friend too.

[Trekhawk]

Caligurl - sorry to hear about your dog. You should kick back and relax with your other babies. Riding will definitely be there for you later and you may find that after a little break life falls back into balance for you.

Take Care
Leslie

[sarahkonamojo]

So sorry to hear about your dog. It sounds like your dogs were/are safe and well cared for, and loved. Unfortunately, dogs don't communicate as well as we'd like. When you understood the situation, you did your best. Forgoing any rides probably would not have changed the outcome.

trying to balance all of our commitments is difficult. I definitely feel guilty if my dogs don't go out. They get shorter walks when I ride and longer walks when I don't. The best thing is to play with your dog for 10 minutes. For them that is real quality time.

Your dogs are most happy when you are happy. If you were resentful of the dogs taking time away from your rides that wouldn't be good either. Balance, balance.

Again, sorry for your loss,

SKM

[mary9761]

I'm so sorry to hear about your pup. I'm glad to know that you are aware of the rainbow bridge. A year before I started riding, my 14.5 year old male cat Smokey had to be put down. He'd gotten sick but then rallied for several months. He got to the point I he'd stopped eating even out of my hand and had taken to sleeping in the bathtub. With tears in my eyes one afternoon I went in and asked him if it was time? My husband and I walked a mile to the nearest vet and stayed with him till the end. I have 2 female fur babies now, but even now writing this, my throat tightens and my heart aches.

[aka_kim]

Cali, sorry for your loss. I think all our pets really want from us is to know that we love them (and get plenty of good food and treats too!). Despite whatever time you spent away from him, I'm sure your dog was a happy boy who knew he was loved. Like others said, take some time to heal and find balance.

[Selkie]

I'm so sorry about your loss. You gave him a wonderful life--he was lucky to have you for a mom :-)
I, too, get the guilts about coming home from work, letting the girls out & feeding them, then rushing off on my bike. I get "booboo" eyes from my three beautiful golden retrievers when they see one of my Dolces being prepared for a ride. Today, I was in a training course, so I got home about an hour later than usual. Decided not to ride, mainly because the girls had been home alone all day, except for 30 minutes playing with their doggy walker at lunch time. Of course, they are now waiting for Daddy to get home, ignoring me!!
Try not to feel guilty. Your baby knew you loved him. SKM has said it all so beautifully.

[bikerchick68]

Ah, Cali... I'm soooo sorry to hear this. I know how very much you love your babies...

just know that the guilt your feeling is a normal part of grieving. Doesn't make it any easier but it IS normal. You and the DH are GREAT pet owners. I have no doubt that your animals feel loved at all times, and taking time to do things you love does not make you any less of a wonderful pet owner.

Animals are very, very good at hiding illness... in the wild it's survival of the fittest, so they typically DON'T give any indication of an illness until it's already too late. I've been thru this same thing. My baby had fatty liver disease and was riddled with cancer... never knew it and couldn't tell until it was far too late to do anything.

Right now, take what time you need for you. Be with your pets if that's where you need to be. There is no guilt in not cycling and taking time off if that's what is best for you now. Hugs friend... I know how bad it hurts and how damn unfair it is...

[On_yer_left!]

Hey Caligirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know how you feel. About a month and a half ago, I came back from vacation (had a friend housesitting the dog and two cats) and opened the door to find my pooch, a 14-year-old lab/shep mix, couldn't move. I took her to the vet and they found her stomach was full of blood, and she had cancer everywhere. I had to put her down that night. So I wasn't with her during her last week, and spent a huge portion of my time before that riding while she sat in the house by herself.

But the bottom line: "What ifs" are useless. Both our pooches had happy, healthy owners, and I think that made them happy dogs. If I wasn't out riding, I'd be slouching around the house, depressed and anxious -- not much fun to have around. Your dog had the company of your other pets, and I'm sure that was also a comfort for him. And there was nothing you could have done except love him, which you did.

I've since adopted two puppies and they are tearing up my house (probably at my old dog's cosmic direction). A week ago, I went for a three-hour ride, the first since before Niki died. When I came back, the 3-month old puppy peed directly in my shoe and then sat and stared at me.

Gotta love the karma.