Dear Cat

[IBrakeforPastry]

I almost booked a trip to Savannah for this winter. I could have returned with a nice souvenir But, alas, 53 is too big for me, and I think I'm going to Florida instead. Thanks, though!

[VeganBikeChick]

Dear Laverne,

I'm sorry that when my guy stays over you are kicked out of the bedroom. But that is absolutely no excuse for pooping outside the litterbox. You don't realize how good you have it.

Signed,

Someone who will not be getting you Xmas treats this year

[smilingcat]

Dear Lulu,

I know you are very private kitty. The vet you saw yesterday says that she needs your poop sample. I have been keeping an eye on you all day and you have not pooped at all. How much longer can you hold out? I don't have to see you while you are doing your thing. I just need to know when you are going so I can wait and collect the needed sample. And no I can't substitute poop from any of the other kitties.

If you don't corporate, I will have to take drastic action and place you in a large dog kennel with a litterbox.

Your mom is not very pleased. Mom is also very concerned about your health.

love,

mom

[indysteel]

Dear Itty Bitty Kitty,

Well, we may have found a new home for you little girl, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I really don't want to rehome you, although I know it could be for the best as your current living situation in our house isn't ideal. But you're so special to me; it will hurt to say goodbye. Granted, your potential adoptive parents have other pets, so it remains to be seen whether you'll be suitable for them. You can always come back to us. We will lovem, you nutty little cat.

[Swan]

Dear stray ginger,
I know it was below freezing last night and that you were grateful for a warm place to sleep and a free meal... but you didn't have to thank me by finding a way to spray my bike seat and the sofa. I have to sit on that, you know!

[Owlie]

Dear Cat:
Why do you hate the things on the counter in the bathroom so much? Are you trying to tell me to clean up? Leave them alone!
Also, stop trying to get into the shower with me. It's weird.

[lph]

Dear Cat,

well lucky you. Your servants finally installed the woodstove you ordered ages ago. Merry Christmas :-)

[smilingcat]

Dear lulu,

First the good news about your poop sample. After being isolated in dog kennel for over 28 hours, you finally pooped and you were immediately released from your isolation.

Second good news is that your poop sample is free of any bugs. So no deworming for you.

The bad news? Well we don't understand why you are so hungry all of sudden. (we do have an idea but that will be TMI)

and MEEEE---OOWWW meowy Christmas

love mom,

[tangentgirl]

Dear Kitties - holy crap, I have cats! How'd that happen?

Dear Hidey Cat - hamburger buns? Really? What kind of cat eats hamburger buns? I'll look for the puke from the plastic bag today, I'm sure it's coming. In the meantime, keep being adorable, and I'll overlook everything. Damnitt.

[IBrakeforPastry]

Dear Kitties - holy crap, I have cats! How'd that happen?

Dear Hidey Cat - hamburger buns? Really? What kind of cat eats hamburger buns? I'll look for the puke from the plastic bag today, I'm sure it's coming. In the meantime, keep being adorable, and I'll overlook everything. Damnitt.

Funny how that happens, isn't it? Enjoy your (apparently new) fur family!

[skhill]

Dear neighborhood cat,
I don't mind you hanging out on my front porch when it's raining or snowing. However, the cats who live in this house mind, the dog who lives here really minds, and I don't like the way they all carry on when you are curled up relaxing on the bench. So do you mind going elsewhere? The next two houses to the west both have nice porches, and all the residents are humans.

[indysteel]

Dear Kitties - holy crap, I have cats! How'd that happen?

Dear Hidey Cat - hamburger buns? Really? What kind of cat eats hamburger buns? I'll look for the puke from the plastic bag today, I'm sure it's coming. In the meantime, keep being adorable, and I'll overlook everything. Damnitt.

Two of the five cats I've had liked to eat bread. A fourth likes to lick the plastic bags it often comes in and the fifth likes celery. There's no accounting for their fixations.

[Owlie]

Dear Kitties - holy crap, I have cats! How'd that happen?

Dear Hidey Cat - hamburger buns? Really? What kind of cat eats hamburger buns? I'll look for the puke from the plastic bag today, I'm sure it's coming. In the meantime, keep being adorable, and I'll overlook everything. Damnitt.

Mine likes canned tuna, but also canned pumpkin and oil-and-vinegar salad dressing. At least the tuna makes sense! Cat are weird.

Dear cat:
Please stop waking me at 4am to either lick every bit of exposed skin you can find or pounce on my toes/head/whatever. It's really irritating. Do it again and I'm banning you from the bedroom.

[malkin]

One of mine will get anything from the counter in a plastic bag.

Dear Cats:
Helping with the dental floss is a good job for you. Helping with contact lenses--not so much.

[skhill]

Dear Moses,

You are such a great alpha cat! Sure, you're fond of the perks (bossing everyone around at meal times, first dibs on laps, not having to bury what you've left in the litter box). But you are also good at looking out for your underlings and keeping order. When the dog was getting too frisky with the youngest cat, you stomped in and said in your kitty language "keep it cool folks. Break it up now. I don't want any trouble here." And everyone listened... It's too bad youngest cat isn't more grateful!