Bicycle dates

[doctorfrau]

So I'm back in the dating world again.....

I joined an online dating service and posted a photo of me and my bike.
Today will be the third time that a "first date" has been a bike ride.

I originally thought "bike dating" was a good low-key way to meet someone without having all the worries about restaurants and make-up. Now I'm getting mixed feelings about it.

The First time I tried it with a new date, we took an easy rail-trail route. He started making jokes after the first two miles about "Are we there yet?" . It was to be only a ten-mile round trip - out to the picnic area for lunch and then back again. I thought he was joking with me - he wasn't. We stopped for him to rest once on the way out -- and then after lunch -- twice on the way back.

I'm not that good - honest. You ladies would drop me in the first 3 miles. He said he had biked alot in the past - apparently it was in the "distant" past.

The Second first date with a new guy went better - he knew how to ride and rode pretty well - but I was still going pretty fast for him. He kept saying "we can take it a little easy if you want" - this was on a different rougher rail- trail, we were on Mtb's and were going about 10 mph. Then, he kept making suggestive comments and staring at my nipples which the sports bra and jersey apparently didn't provide enough camoflage for.

So today will be the Third first date with a new guy on a bike. He also says that he has ridden before, but I guess we'll see.

Maybe this bike dating thing isn't such a hot idea. Guys seem to either get intimidated, or else they inflate their experience so as to seem more athletic than they are or something.

I'm not that good, but maybe I'd better come up with a different idea for a low-key date.

[JLD]

Oh! Don't feel too bad! I am on the other side of the fence-and I can't even get women to come out for a casual ride--and also-I am no fancy speed demon on a bike. I live in a city with a ton of bike paths and such--and lots of people here do pedal-but--clearly-I'm not connecting with the right ones.

[Grog]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life. But it seems to me that that bike-date is in fact a "revelator": it reveals things about these guys that you wouldn't know otherwise. And you WANT to know these things... (the nipples-staring guy is a bit scary!)

Maybe some dating service in your area organizes activities for singles, including bike rides? These could be fun too. Or if you really want to meet a cyclist, maybe a bike club would be a good thing to join. From there maybe you can arrange with someone in particular to go for a ride at another moment, even just for fun.

Even if we don't consider ourselves to be incredible cyclists, we're still much more dedicated to the sport than the average person out there, and you're right that this can be intimidating. But if cycling is a really big part of your life, and if you feel it's closely linked to who you are, then your bike-date is probably a good technique to see right from the beginning how those guys will react to your passion in the long term...

[Trek420]

It's difficult to combine the two: date and bike ride but I plan an attempt today in Golden Gate Park, we'll see how this goes....hmmm.

It is hard to find friends to ride with: ride style, speed, fitness level, fun to talk to at the rest stop and or drink uhm recovery food afterward....I feel sooooo lucky to have this community and a local bike club.

Just try to find that plus uhm elusive chemistry.

What Grog sed~it can be an indicator. As we say in Aikido "you're the same on the mat as you are off the mat" so it is on a bike "you are the same on a bike as you are off the bike".

Add the ego thing if you ride/climb better than your date or they you...I dunno if it can be done.

so....looking for some input from the coupled TE'ers: if your SO rides which came first-the significant other or the bike?

Do mixed marriages (bikers with non bikers) work?

I think we've covered this before but not in a while and not in this way.

[pkq]

I have long since given up on dating. I do not find that many men attractive to begin with. If they are ugly on the inside, I can't see the outside at all.

Have you tried a coffee shop meeting, walk around a park, or a walk around a mall?

A fella' from bikejournal found a girlfriend through cyclingsingles. He is very happy with her although she is not a cycling fanatic, like he is. She is interested in cycling and was involved in other sports prior to cycling. Her ultimate goal is becoming a tri-gal.

I was introduced to a fella' through a friend because he thought we'd be a good match. On paper, we should be but he has too many phobias, including a fairly wide range of conversational topics. We have similar Biblical beliefs but there are some very significant differences and he is inflexible on those points. He is retired already, which is fantastic for him; however, the annoying comments he makes about his position in life are less than fantastic. He says he will call then doesn't, which is very telling even in friendship. I would say we are still in the acquaintance stage so I don't see this going further than distant friends.

And the other stories I could tell of other men ................

I wish you all the luck on finding a mate to share life with. Keep us updated on your experiences.

[Irulan]

married chiming in here. We've always done sports together.

I do see partnerships where one does, the other doesn't and there's more work involved in maintaining the relationship.... less time together, sometimes different fitness levels etc.

I agree that the bike dating is a good first filter.You are going to have to weed out the jerks and the dorks no matter what you do. Does your local cycle club do singles rides? I have heard of that, that to me sounds like fun.

Irulan.

[bluerider]

It really depends on how important you think cycling is in your life.

I agree with Grog too. I spend most of my free time on my bike so it would be nice to have someone who enjoys the sport as much as I do. A friend recommended I join a bike club if that's what I'm after. Most of the guys that have expressed "interest" in biking have turned out to be huge disappointments. One guy actually went bike shopping and showed me the bikes he was considering. After looking at his selection, he picked the top line MTBs (and he's never biked before). I was SO turned off.

Don't be discouraged doctorfrau! It's tough although I don't know why, the guy to gal ratio is like 9:1. As for creepy-nipple-guy, I would've maced him!!! Or a swift kick to the...okay, never mind...

[Trekhawk]

Another married one here. My husband and I have always done some sort of sport together from rock climbing (when younger) to hiking and swimming. Some sports though we have enjoyed on our own. My husband likes diving (scuba) but Im afraid it just not my cup of tea so he accepts that. When we first met I rowed in a womens four and he would come and watch us train and race. He always seemed very proud of me and it was never an issue even though it was something he himself was not interested in taking up.

My husband has been cycling for about 5 years and I took it up originally this year because I thought it would be something we could do together. Well it hasn't really worked out that way we have three little boys so riding together has not happened yet but what has happened is I have fallen in love with cycling. We still talk our rides over together and set goals together but I have realized now that I would ride even if my husband didnt and he would be supportive Im sure as he has been with all my other endeavours.

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

[wavedancer]

I met my SO in a club, doing what we both love to do (kayaking). It was a great way to share something that we both are quite passionate about and enjoy our passion for each other, too He was also into cycling and encouraged me to get a bike and so added another passion to our lives. My love of cycling has continued to grow...as has our love. We are very different in many ways and having some strongly opposing political views, but being able to share the things that we love doing has made for a wonderfully rich life together.

I never tried the on-line dating or personals, so I can't speak to that, but perhaps the cycling club would allow you to meet some guys/potential dates who have a similar level of committment to the sport. You may not always ride together, but it certainly is fun to share the interest and excitement together.

Good luck in finding that special someone!

[cindysue]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

YES YES YES! ALL so very important! Thanks TrekHawk!

doctorfrau,

ONLINE Dating: Don't give up - I've met plenty of great guys online where one of the major criteria was biking. Maybe spend a little more time chatting online before meeting - you might be able to weed out the pretenses.......


I met my SO online. I was definitely drawn to the fact that he is so active. While we both like cycling, he's more into MTB, me road, but he will come out with me so we spend that time together - and i will go out with him on some of the stuff he loves to do (haven't yet tried MTB but must).

So the thing that makes him so special is not all that we have in common - although it sure is GREAT! - It's that he genuinely cares about, and supports, my interests and life goals. He also has a great sense of humor - which is huge in my life - because I am constantly stressed between school, two jobs, organzing a cycling team, yadda yadda yadda...... He's also the first guy to get me to open up - and we are so much closer for it.

gush gush

[KSH]

I guess what Im trying to say is that a partner does not need to always have a passion for the same things you do but they must be supportive and proud of you for what you have achieved. Plus a sense of humour in a man never hurts - being able to make you laugh at life and yourself is a big help in todays world.

That's the truth. I know I am very fickle about hobbies and if I only dated someone who would do what I do... such as triathlons... SCUBA diving... etc... etc... I would have had a new man every year!

As far as cycling for the first date. It's a great idea if you really want someone who is into cycling... and fit. If those are not that important to you... then it could be rather bad.

Some guys are very competitive... well... most of them... and riding with you... and if you are better... makes the first date kind of uncomfortable... ya know?

Oh well... best of luck!

[sydney_b]

Married here to a non-sporty, which works out a-ok, because I'm a non-music person. I ride bikes, horses, run, etc. He composes, practices and plays his guitar. Sometimes I get him to go for slow rides now that he trusts me to go slow and the destination includes a cocktail or picnic. We appreciate our differences and enjoy sharing what we've learned in our respective domains.

IMHO, you have to pick a short list of what you really can't compromise on, and as much as I love my sporting activities, there are many other qualities with higher priority.

The benefit of not both being gung-ho about one thing is the non-competition aspect AND you don't ever have to listen to a bunch of unsolicited commentary about your decisions in your area.

[Hammer]

I'm very much a creative type indivdiual and I seem to be drawn to the same type of guys... law school types, creative/literary types... And I really haven't had much luck with them. We're tortured souls. :-) Actually, haven't had many boyfriends. Lately I've been hanging out with lots of different guys. Had a date last Friday, this guy and I have similar personalities, but totally opposite hobbies. He's a farmboy, gearhead, etc... that's cool... very much not me. Though, it could be handy to eventually have a handy person around.

Last boyfriend was athletic, he started running when he broke up with his nasty ex. He's into movies, music, books. I was too, but I felt bad when I couldn't keep up with his literary references, though I could match him on other stuff. We broke up, he ended it. I'm a competitive individual. I bought my bike when we broke up. He trained for a marathon this year, wants to do triathalons next year. I had hoped we'd get back together, thinking it'd be fun to do rides together. But we're both competitive and I would've become a bit dissapointed when he peaked his learning curve and became faster than me. But, I know I'd be able to hang with him for awhile. Anyway, it's kinda of a moot point.

This new guy is completely not who I'd expect myself to be with... but his personality is on course. And we're both really curious individuals, so I may be able to get him to bike a little bit... if things work out. If things progress, our lifestyle goals could be the rocky point. That doesn't matter right now, it's just about getting to know someone new.

But, I can relate to trying to find someone to at least sorta share a mutual hobby with.

[margo49]

I was born to ride.Rode with the BF all over the world. (Till he found some little Dutch girl called Heidi can u believe).
Current SO (20 years and counting) doesn't ride. Said he isn't particulary anti- or uninterested but wouldn't want to because it is so much MY thing and everyone needs their own space and not have it taken over by some forced togetherness on one person's part .(BTW he said that in a *good* way not as an excuse or a hint like a lot of them)
Good thing I don't live in Teheran or Riyadh because I go all over by myself on roads, agricultural and 4WD tracks.
Can't imagine that I could find anyone to ride with who would be suitable - for riding with - not Other Things

[doc]

Another married voice here. I am much more athletic than DH. He joins me when he can: skiing, hiking... But we've tried cycling together and - no way. He just doesn't have it and doesn't particularly like it. So, wonderful man that he is, he watches our daughters on weekends while I ride from 2-4 hours each day. Of course there are things I do in return. I make sure he gets a few hours at the gym (his thing) or to do something else important to him. It works out great because we are both happy about how our days went, and we share in the afternoon or evening.

All that being said, psychologists agree that couples who share interests which lead them to spend time together tend to be the successful couples. Pretty much what veronica said. As with everything else, one must strike a balance. Don't give up on men yet. There are some good ones out there.