What to do, what to do???

[WindingRoad]

I am so torn about what to do over Thanksgiving Break. As some of you already know I am in my first year of professional school. I'm about 650 miles away from 'home' and my car is 20 years old. Car is old but has been pretty reliable in the past, 1990 Honda. She's at the mechanic right now getting checked out as I have been anticipating a trip home this Friday (11 hours of driving, barf!). My brother is coming in from Texas whom I really want to see. I just got my Spring schedule this week and decided next semester it will be impossible to go anywhere, even on spring break when I was planning to visit him. This makes me REALLY want to go home for Thanksgiving but Christmas is right around the corner and I have a flight to go home then which of course would only be 2 - 3 hours. My dilemma is my brother won't be home on Christmas but he will on Thanksgiving. Not to mention I'm homesick, I miss my boyfriend profusely, I don't particularly look forward to spending a holiday alone and I've been battling some mild depression. A friend from school invited me to her family TG which is only about 2 hours away and this is an option too but honestly it doesn't sound that appealing at this point. It is very sweet of her to invite me because she knows I've been missing my family. I appreciate her gesture very much but I really want to see my family. This doesn't factor in the fact that I need to study for finals over break. My break is from this Friday to next Monday but subtract a day out of that for driving, so that leaves me with about 8 days. I would be staying with my BF so he will be working through the day which would leave me time alone to study through the week which would be great. I am hesitant to even tell my mother I'm there beforehand since I'll be getting in Friday afternoon, because she will be wanting me to come stay with them. Their house is so noisy I can't think much less study! Of course this is all contingent upon the fact that the mechanic says my car is safe to take b/c I cannot afford to rent a car. I'm awake at 4 am this morning contemplating what to do if the car is okay? I feel the car is probably fine, it hasn't had a tune up in 3 years. I suspect that is the problem. Thank goodness today's test is an easy one. Any suggestions, thoughts, random anythings are appreciated...... Happy early Thanksgiving everyone

[Blueberry]

Is there a bus you could take? Any other form of transit? Any chance of finding someone from school to carpool with? Sounds like transportation is a main stress-er for you.

Don't know what professional school you're in - but I *had* to take breaks over the holidays. It sounds like you really need a break - don't spend it all studying! It also sounds like you're feeling a bit bad that you want to go home - don't! And stay where you need to stay for you.

[tulip]

First off, take a deep breath. In fact, take four or five. Relax. There.

Okay. This is what I get from your post:

1. You really want to go home for Thanksgiving.
2. You want to stay with your boyfriend, not with your parents.
3. You are worried about your car making the trip.

It seems to me that you need to know one thing: whether or not your car is road-worthy. Once you know that, the rest is pretty clear.

If your car is not safe to drive 1300+ miles in the next 10 days, then you have a couple of options. Rent a car: you say you cannot afford it, so can your parents and/or boyfriend chip in? If so, rent a car. If not, what about other transportation options: train? bus? flight? Any of those possible (with financial assistance from your family and/or boyfriend)?

If your car is safe, and you feel confident that you can make that drive safely, then it seems like you have already answered the other questions.

The sticky point, it seems, is getting up the courage to tell your mother that you will be staying with your boyfriend. Your reasons are very valid and you should just be honest. You are staying at your boyfriend's because that is the arrangement that works best for you. Be prepared for push-back from her--most mothers do that. Just hold your ground and politely restate your position and end the conversation with something like, "I'm really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with everybody. See you in a few days."

From your post, it seems like staying at your parents house is just simply not an option. It is not what you want to do, so don't do it.

Do what makes you happy. Period. At Thanksgiving and in life.

[Melalvai]

I wonder if being awake at 4 a.m. worrying about your dilemma, which is tulip pointed out seems not all the complicated, is actually something else going on. I have noticed (in myself & others) a tendency to outwardly worry or get angry or upset about something minor, when the real cause of my emotion is something else.

I hope you get to go home for both holidays.

[Irulan]

I dunno, stressing about travel and relatives and holidays doesn't sound minor to me. Especially if she's considering rocking the boat by staying with the bf....

[redrhodie]

You need to get home somehow, that's pretty clear. With your recent crash, you need some tlc. I'm sure you'll know better what to do when you get the news about your car. Chances are, your car will be fine, and you'll drive home and have nice, well deserved break.

[WindingRoad]

Got the car back today, had to have a new radiator. Apparently mine was cracked. Who knew? Cost me around $350 to fix it. They said other than that though it looks to be in good shape to take on the trip I wasn't prepared to spend that kind of money on it but the fact remains I can't ride my bike to clinic. Have to wear business clothes those days not to mention I don't really want to ride my bike through that neighborhood. It's a tad on the scary side. So fixing the car was unavoidable and necessary regardless of it being an extra cost. I plan to pack food and water for my drive home, it's amazing how much food on the Turnpike costs. And it's horrible food!

I tried to find a ride with someone but most people are either not nearly as far away as me or a whole lot further and they are flying. I emailed ALL of the students too, I even went so far as to ask they lady that opened my checking account because I remembered her husband was from Indianapolis. They are flying of course.

I am a bit worried about the way my mom will take me not staying with her and my dad. She's the queen of guilt trips sometimes. I can't be too hard on her though she's helping with the cost of fixing my car which I greatly appreciate. Thanks girls for being so understanding, you are all so awesome. I really needed some perspective and your responses have helped a lot. It's been a stressful first semester can you tell?

[indysteel]

Have a safe trip there and back. Hopefully, the rest of the issues will work themselves out. Try to be kind but firm with your mom with respect to where you stay. Don't let her bait you. That said, perhaps you could offer to spend one night with your parents after all the other houseguests are gone.

[tulip]

Cars always seem to need fixing when you least need the expense. But it's so much better than breaking down on your trip. Been there, done that.

I find it helpful in dealing with guilt trip people to try to understand that I am not responsible for their tripping of the guilt. They do that all by themselves. I try to listen respectfully, but rather objectively, and let them have their say. When they are finished, I smile, give them a hug, and go about my life as I need to. Perhaps this can help you in dealing with your mom. Staying one night with the parents might be a good bone to throw, but only you know.

Relax and enjoy your visit with the family!

[PamNY]

Hope you have a good visit. Family guilt trips are hard, especially around holidays. You sound like a thoughtful person and I'm sure you will handle everything well.