Going out with the gals

[shootingstar]

How often do you get together with 2-or more, other good female friends? I don't mean work colleagues, whom you may not feel close at all nor want to share much personal stuff / history.

Whenever I see a bunch of women dressed up (foreign to my way of socializing with good female friends) or gaggle of women chatting it up at a restaurant, I just wonder about my own chick-women socialization patterns.

I tend to socialize with good female friends, one-to-one. I"ve been like this for past 2 decades. It's part preference, partially because each friend is different, and partially because it depends on personal schedules and place for us to meet up.

One thing for certain, I don't have meet-ups like the gals in "Sex in the City". But some women do that in real life. I see them in our area.

How about you?

[Crankin]

I don't like these types of gathering, either, ShootingStar, but you and I seem to be the odd woman out on some of these things. I occasionally go out with one friend or another for lunch or coffee, but that's about it. My free time is spent riding or doing some other type of sports stuff, sometimes alone or with a friend, but mostly with DH or us two and another couple. The older I get, the less time I spend doing the type of thing you describe. Funny, a friend of mine (who I am trying to disengage from, after 20 years) sent me an email about having a "girls night" out to see the new Sex and the City movie. The whole thing made me say to myself, are we sixteen? Now, I wouldn't mind sitting down and spending some fun time with a group of women cyclists... we'd be talking about stuff I'm interested in! And I don't mind getting dressed up, either.
I used to go out regularly with the other moms in my play group, once a month for dinner, many moons ago. This was mostly an escape for them; I was the only one who worked. It was a nice break from reality for me, when my days were filled with 2 toddlers and teaching high school kids. Of course, this is when i did my exercise at 5 AM, so it didn't interfere with my family. Now I feel like I don't need that kind of escape.

[Biciclista]

Unfortunately, I don't have any girlfriends in Seattle. ok, maybe 1...
sad, they all moved away. I have girlfriends in Oregon, Arkansas, Florida and Georgia..

[solobiker]

I am not one to do that at all. I don't have a lot of female friends and the ones I do have we prefer to go out and hike, climb, bike etc for our socialization. We don't get together too much except a mtn bike ride, backpacking and backcountry skiing. I can't even tell you the last time I dressed up to go out. Going out to eat, to the movies..etc is not my idea of a fun time.

[softthings]

i don't go out with girls hardly at all. i work with a bunch since i work in a salon, so, i get enough "girl time" there. i hang with my boyfriend mostly, and we hang with a married couple when we do go out with others. me and the lady of the couple are friends, we don't talk on the phone or anything. i cut her hair. we ride together. the town i live in now is small and i don't feel the need to get dressed up to go out. plus, i have to dress up for work, so, i am pretty "over it" by the time i get off. i would prefer a career change that i don't have to get dressed up for at all. hah!

[PamNY]

I don't know what happened in "Sex and the City" so I can't comment on that.

I never have understood or participated much in gender-based socializing, and getting dressed up or not is irrelevant. How I dress would depend on my mood and where I'm going.

In general, I find groups of women oppressive. I think what is a genuine desire for sharing in other people translates into forced conformity in my mind. Neither good nor bad, just different.

As I get older, I'm more oriented toward friends who share a special interest, and toward one-on-one socializing regardless of gender.

I had an unusually large loss of friends (two died and two moved away) a few years ago and while that was hard, it also gave me a chance to look at what I really want out of friendships.

[BikeDutchess]

I get together with 2 good friends (sisters) once a month. I work from home full-time so I'm a bit of a hermit, and it's really nice to look forward to getting out of my cave at least once a month for some social contact. I never watch Sex in the City (tried one time and thought it was an annoying show) so that comparison is meaningless to me. We just go for drinks after work. No dressing up either. Unless you count getting out of my sweats as dressing up.

[Crankin]

You said exactly what I feel, Pam. I find large groups of women to be oppressive, too. But, I don't want to sound sexist. A large group of women cyclists (or runners, etc) wouldn't feel the same way to me, because we would share a common interest.
I don't know what happened in Sex and the City, either. I have never seen it. But my friend assumed that since it is a "chick" film, I would be interested and i.e., wouldn't be going to see it with my husband. I never go to movies, anyway, and find that I can hardly sit and watch the 2 movies a month we get from Netflix. I just feel that I have outgrown my need to socialize that way. I enjoy going out a lot, but who I socialize with is pretty much determined by my interests and the few non-athletic friends I have had for years get me in limited doses! I definitely am not anti-social, but I am very picky in who I spend my time with.
I sometimes cringe when I am at a restaurant, looking forward to a nice dinner with my DH or friends and we are seated next to a large group of hysterically laughing (and usually drunk) women. That doesn't sound nice, I know, and I don't want to perpetuate any stereotypes, so I guess I'd better stop here.

[shootingstar]

I don't consider or would suggest to go out for drinks for a social meet-up...it would be laughable coming from me, especially when I get drunk so fast on a 1/4 glass of wine or less.

I have grown up with 4 sisters and 1 brother.
I have been for several decades part of a female dominant profession..it's been proven by several international surveys amongst professional assoc. I've been member of, that librarians comprise of 80% females.

So it was probably healthy for "balance" for me to work a large part of my career in male dominant organizations.

So I truly don't think I'm lacking in my womanly identity and in social group culture settings where women hang out. I like fashion, but can't afford much right now but don't want to go on clothes shopping expeditions. (I can't IMAGINE that. I didn't even go clothes shopping much with any of my sisters.) And me, plus all sisters sew, so we like clothing, fashion.

I like chatting up with individuals about stuff..with some depth. It's time better spent. In groups of people that like to continously joke and have fun, it's just not the place to do it much at all.

And how many people actually discuss their love life..to a group of other close women friends?? I couldn't. It amazes me, but some women (or men) do. And yes, Pam, Crankin, that enforces group think/group response to the terrific/horrific stories of one's life at the table.

[marni]

I much prefer a small time to talk or be together with one or two times irrespective of gender. Since I a a biker as well as a hand weaver and hand spinner, when I get up with other spinners and weavers, we are usually either talking fiber arts or spinning and or weaving. I like hanging with other riders for the same reason.

marni

[artifactos]

When I spend time with my two close female friends, it is usually one-on-one time talking about life. We don't get to catch up that often, and I lived 500 miles away for 18 months, so time with them is precious and conversation includes topics sometimes uncomfortable in public places. We are all also financially under the weather, so going out and paying for dinner + drinks when we could just drink soda and eat popcorn and chat on the balcony at home seems ridiculous.

[Bike Chick]

I have one close female friend that I go to dinner with every few months. We have been friends for almost 30 years. We have raised our kids together and we have been there for each other through many of life's tragedies. Her husband suffered an aneurysm 5 years ago and is paralyzed from the neck down. She is carrying a pretty hefty burden right now and it's a genuine effort to get a couple hours to herself in the evenings. We make the most of it and go somewhere nice and quiet to catch up.

I also have a half dozen friends that I enjoy going to quilting and sewing shows with but as far as getting dressed up and going out on the town with the girls, I never did do that and certainly don't plan to start now.

Funny you brought this subject up. I walked into the locker room at the gym this week and had to walk around a group of women getting ready for water aerobics class carrying on about their bathing suits and the fit and their hair and their nails, and on and on (I think you get the picture). It all seemed so frivilous and shallow to me. I can't explain why I felt the way I did but I told DH later that I must be getting old because I just couldn't relate to any of that. Now if they had been discussing lap times, 5k runs or bicycle components, I would've been more than interested in what they were discussing.