negative thoughts please skip if affected by...

[tribogota]

So, after a traumatic incident lost pregnancy, abandoned by husband and years of slow recovery and therapy, I had a brief moment of hope and faith, I started triathlon in that moment, and doing new activities, including cycling. Now a couple of years later, I still haven't had even a brief relationship and I just have lost hope or desire. I used to make an effort and ask people to set me up with a decent man, that never happened, now I am only interested in cycling, running, and swimming, and fulfilling the minimum of work duties. I am not asking for suggestions, I just want to vent that I just don't care anymore about almost anything, at my last tri, well, I actually was BORED during the race. Thanks for letting me vent.

[sbctwin]

I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I suffer, off and on, from depression and can sympathize with your feelings. This is a good place to vent. Hugs to you. I try to look for something positive everyday. Sometimes the positives just don't make themselves known readily, but at the end of the day, I try to find at least one thing to make me smile....

[shootingstar]

So, after a traumatic incident lost pregnancy, abandoned by husband and years of slow recovery and therapy, I had a brief moment of hope and faith, I started triathlon in that moment, and doing new activities, including cycling. Now a couple of years later, I still haven't had even a brief relationship and I just have lost hope or desire. I used to make an effort and ask people to set me up with a decent man, that never happened, now I am only interested in cycling, running, and swimming, and fulfilling the minimum of work duties. I am not asking for suggestions, I just want to vent that I just don't care anymore about almost anything, at my last tri, well, I actually was BORED during the race. Thanks for letting me vent.

This is not advice tribogota, just comments and personal stories:

1) I also get bored with my rides sometimes..awhile later I just ask myself: "Am I nuts? I can ride a bike, I'm not wheelchair-bound/bed-ridden. It's gift....a healthy, mobile body. Temporary of course, for we all become frail at the end..but not live for way down into the future, but live for now."

2) In my early 30's and no guy in sight, I got fed up and bought my condo. I wasn't going to wait around for Prince Charming. Well, he came into my life 6 months after I bought my home. Met via a computer course we were taking. I continued to live /own in my home, despite Prince Charming.

Now we're still together and loving it. But in my narrow mind at that time, I never expected I would be interested in a guy who was divorced with children.

3) Just last month, I learned via a good friend who is also a cyclist, of a woman that we both knew. She is also a long-time cyclist --has been running her own walking tours and local cycling biz. Very accustomed to a cycling, car-free life for 2 decades of her life. Heck all 3 of us, ran a volunteer group for women cyclists for a few yrs.

We found out she got married few months ago...within 1 yr. of meeting her guy. She is 48 and never been married/lived with a guy. They met via speed-dating. He is clearly not cycling-oriented and loves his expensive, nice car. They live out in the 'burbs...away from where her biz is situated and where she used to live when single which is downtown where in contrast there is alot of cycling-friendly routes/facilities.

She still runs her biz and plans to situate her biz office....at her parent's 2nd home downtown. Complicated.

He's (contemporary) Muslim...if I can use a naive term since after all they met by speed-dating, not by arranged. She is not Muslim/any religion. Or maybe she converted. Who knows.

Hope this marriage works out.. feels like a big hurry, probably driven by hormones and whatever else.
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Tribogata, is anyone aware of your triathalon triumphs? Except for my partner, my own family barely knows of my cycling "achievements". I guess they just love me for whatever I am..which is a good thing. But some of them, started to realize abit when some returned to cycling themselves..in shorter distances.

I'm impressed by anyone who attempts tri's. I can't even swim..ok..I hear some TE members just itching to suggest to me..

[tctrek]

At a time when you're walking around going "what's next?" it might help you to do a little volunteer or charity work. Sometimes if you help some people that are less healthy or fortunate as you, it helps to put everything in perspective. And if you get involved in volunteer work, usually the people that you meet are wonderful, selfless and big-hearted. Who knows what could happen?

[tulip]

(((tribogata)))

[Iris616]

{{{Tribogota}}}

[Grog]

Big hug - best wishes to you.

[limewave]

At a time when you're walking around going "what's next?" it might help you to do a little volunteer or charity work. Sometimes if you help some people that are less healthy or fortunate as you, it helps to put everything in perspective. And if you get involved in volunteer work, usually the people that you meet are wonderful, selfless and big-hearted. Who knows what could happen?

+1
Those were my thoughts exactly. When I've been really struggling and lost, I've found volunteering really helps me get through it.

[indysteel]

I'm really sorry for your sadness. I can relate to much of it. I would ditto the suggestions for keeping a gratitute journal and volunteering. While I haven't kept a journal, per se, there was a distinct turning point in my own life when I started to focus on being grateful for things, rather than "happy" about them, mostly because it is actually possible to be grateful for bad things (to the extent that some of the best things in my life are actually derived from the bad). Beyond the obvious benefit to the community that volunteering provides, it's just a great way to feel good about yourself and to get outside your own mind once in a while.

For me, my long, long stretches of being single made me feel pretty unloveable. Couple my pathetic romantic history with a family (and, more speficially parents) that is, in a word, dysfunctional, and I felt very alone and lonely for much of my life. With the help of therapy, yoga (and a very spiritual yoga teacher), cycling, some great friends, and my own fierce determination to feel differently about my life and myself, I finally figured out a few things that worked for me.

Most significantly, I started to firmly believe that I was capable of loving myself enough to make up for my family and lack of a SO. That, in and of itself, was completely empowering. I also accepted that I was going to have to work at being happy. While it may come more naturally for some, I really had to make a conscious choice every day to do what I needed to do to be happy. Some days, that was as simple as going to a yoga class. Others, it meant really sitting with my thoughts and feelings. I had/have to be diligent about it.

Finally, I more freely allowed myself to have those sad and lonely moments without giving in to their full power. I used to try to stuff that sadness into a closet, for fear that it would simply overwhelm me. Again with the help of therapy, yoga, cycling and some good friends, I started to feel more confident in being able to go to those "dark places" without fear that they defined or controlled me. Interestingly, the more I allowed myself to feel lonely at times and to be "okay" with that, the less lonely I felt.

If my journey had stopped there indefinitely, I truly believe I would be a happy and content person. It certainly paused there there long enough that I can say that with a straight face. As it turned out, however, I ultimately did meet someone with whom I plan to share the rest of my life. He's truly been the icing on what was already turning out to be a darn good cake.

Anyway, that's my story. I share it with you to give you some hope that you may not always feel the way you do today.

[AnnieBikes]

All the posts have something great to say and I would again echo the volunteering and the journal...but besides the gratitude, you could put one thing about yourself that is good, too. There are so many neat things that only YOU know about yourself and you could remind yourself of those things.

You have already made the first, best step, and that is seeking advice from the wonderful group of women who frequent this forum. They are the best.

Revisiting the counselor is really a great suggestion and you may find that medication works for you. I have seen wonders worked for someone I know well, with meds and talking to an impartial third person.

Good luck and hugs from me, too.