Today's ride was a complete bust. I was looking forward to it all week.. a 50 mile charity ride. The course description was 'some hills'. Yeah... hills with absolutely no recovery time before facing another mountain. It was my first hilly ride and I didn't finish... threw in the towel at mile 36 and called for a ride. I have never felt so horribly defeated in my whole life.

I was having chain problems (dropped the chain twice and was having trouble shifting) so the mechanic made a few adjustments and I was good to go. Filled up on food and a cup of coffee at the rest stop and I felt great. I clearly didn't eat enough for breakfast because I started off the ride feeling horrible but after eating at the rest stop, I felt better. Still haven't found that 'happy medium' for eating/hydration.

The next section was good- I felt great about the hills even though it was much more than I expected. Got some speed and covered some distance on the straight aways. Then... I don't know what happened. I totally lost it. I have easily ridden much longer than this, sans hills. I spent the second half of the ride sobbing because I had already mentally given up. Walked up a few hills, tried eating/drinking, took a short break. Tried again. I was done.

I know everyone has their 'bad days'. I just had no idea it feels this awful to give up. My mental game needs a huge overhaul. I hate being a quitter. I don't know if it was all nutrition/hydration related or what, but it just 'wasn't my day' as soon as the ride started and I knew it.

What do you do to stay positive? When I get in a rut, I just start thinking about how much the ride sucks and how big the hill is, how bad my legs hurt, etc etc. I know I gave up on myself mentally far before I quit physically and it feels awful.