social dilemma - what to do?

[VeloVT]

Ladies, I need advice.

My former boss sent me a very generous graduation gift last week (worth around $250). We worked together at a small non-profit for about 4 years. I haven't seen him in almost two years, although we've had 2-3 email exchanges in that time. Nothing super personal.

Unbeknownst to him, I switched majors late in the game and my graduation will be delayed until next May.

So not only is the gift slightly more generous than I feel totally comfortable accepting to begin with, I'm not even graduating.

I can't decide what to do. My boyfriend thinks I should return it. I think there are some good arguments to be made for taking this course, but I also don't want to offend him. Keeping it would avoid the possible implication of rejection of the gesture, but it could also seem greedy and grabby (since I'm not actually graduating).

I want to make a decision and either send a thank you note or a "thank you, but I can't accept it" note, rather than entering into a discussion about it with him.

What would you do?

[alpinerabbit]

talk to him?

[nolemom]

My first impression was that he must hold you in high esteem since he not only sent a generous gift but also remembered when you were originally scheduled to graduate. Unless you know that the gift is a financial hardship for him, I would take it with the spirit it was intended - an opportunity to recognize your achievements. I would suggest that you send him a thank you that included your current career goals and also take the opportunity to give as heartfelt a thank you as is true for the knowledge you learned while working with him and for his role as a mentor. Many bosses truly have great pride and joy when employees excel and go forward with their life plans. As an educator, I know the pride I feel when a student succeeds in achieving their academic goals.

[Tri Girl]

I agree with both ladies. I know you don't want to get into a lengthy discussion with him about it, but since the situation is different, it might warrant one. Being a very generous gift, and given the situation that you're not graduating just yet, I think it would be nice to talk to him personally and thank him, but let him know that since you're not graduating, you don't feel you can accept it. More than likely, he'll still want you to have it, but it will be nice that you were thoughtful enough to suggest the return, and that you did it in person (rather than a thank you note or e-mail). Just my thoughts... take 'em or leave 'em.

That was really nice of him to remember.

[Mr. Bloom]

Nolemom/Tri Girl +1

[Tuckervill]

I think it's a good idea to call him up and tell him you're not graduating until May and thank him for the generous gift and offer it back. How you handle this could color his perception of you for good. You DON'T want to keep it only for him to find out NEXT May that you didn't graduate THIS May. That would be bad.

You have to call or visit him, no matter how hard it might seem.

Karen

[deeaimond]

Yup totally agree with all those who have posted you should just talk to him and let him know that you're not graduating yet and this gift is too early! and if he remembered your graduating date, it must be a pretty sincere gift...

D