Wedding shower etiquette question

[indigoiis]

Hi All...
I am unconventional in that when I married my DH, we did not register for gifts or anything... we just had the JOP come up the house and marry us without any fuss or too big of a celebration. I think we had dinner for 15 and we did buy a cake. It was nice. It snowed.

Anyhow, so, my friend/acquaintance is getting married (1st time) May 23rd... she's absolutely wonderful and sweet and he's a great guy, so I readily went on the proper registries and found a gift I thought would be reflect as being *really* from me (a big cast iron fry pan they had registered for - which I think was incredibly smart of them and I am happy to have bought it.) So, that's done.

So, I am going to the wedding shower on Sunday. It's a surprise shower. It's all women. It's going to be a rated G shower at a restaurant. My question:

What, if anything, do i bring to the shower? The fry pan has shipped directly to their home. So... do I bring a card? Another present? WAT?

Help Please!
Clueless and wishing I could ride instead of go to a shower but oh well, the girl deserves it she's wonderful... in New England

[ny biker]

Was the frying pan a wedding present, or a shower present?

The reason wedding showers were invented was to outfit the couple in their new home (on the assumption they were still living with their respective parents and therefore were starting with nothing, which is often not the case these days, but anyway). So you should always give a gift.

Technically a wedding present is not necessary, but most people give one.

So you would give them two gifts.

If the frying pan is a wedding gift, then buy another present and bring it to the shower.

[ny biker]

p.s. I love your wedding. I wish more weddings were like that.

[indigoiis]

Gah. I thought so.
So what do I buy for a shower present? What's a shower present? I got them the frying pan for the wedding. I didn't think two presents were necessary.

They've been living together a couple of years and are both in their forties.

[tulip]

Perhaps the shower would be a chance to give something that is more for her, but keeping it proper, of course. Trousseaux aren't done much anymore, but perhaps something feminine (handmade soaps or something) would be nice.

[GLC1968]

You could look for something smaller on her registry and perhaps put it with something more personal.

I did this for a friend a few years back and it was greatly appreciated. I bought two casual wine glasses off her registry and put them with a nice bottle of wine into a big picnic type basket. I also threw in an inexpensive cute tablecloth and matching napkins. She loved it and it was different than a typical wedding/shower gift but yet still useful since it was from her registry.

Maybe get a couple of towels (if she registered for them) and put them with some fancy soaps, a candle and a 'do not disturb' sign for the doorknob.

[indigoiis]

Re-gifting?
I have this beautiful Pottery barn salt and shaker set that I received as a gift from my boss for xmas. It's a nesting, white pottery set. Anyhow, I live on a farm in house with lots of dog hair and dust and this thing never even made it out of the lovely designer box it came in. The box is in my china cabinet.

I am thinking of re-gifting.

[tulip]

Just check for old gift cards!

[papaver]

Re-gifting?
I have this beautiful Pottery barn salt and shaker set that I received as a gift from my boss for xmas. It's a nesting, white pottery set. Anyhow, I live on a farm in house with lots of dog hair and dust and this thing never even made it out of the lovely designer box it came in. The box is in my china cabinet.

I am thinking of re-gifting.

Hey, if you want to keep it really cheap: Give the salt set at the shower and the pepper set at the wedding.

No seriously, if she's a really good friend, why don't you give her something really personal? Like a nice framed photograph of an event you both have good memories of.

I had a wedding like you, no fuss, and the gifts i enjoyed the most were the personal, non expensive ones.

Another thought: why don't you give her a 'day'. Like a day you do things together, go to a spa and get a massage and have a nice lunch afterwards. Or plan a nice ride if she's into cycling too.


(sorry for my bad English)