Have a Happy Period!

[itself]

Gals,

Enjoy this, it is a TRUE story:


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.



Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your ***, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

[Karma007]

THAT is funny as hell!

[Tri Girl]

That's great! I always thought the "have a happy period" thing was pretty stupid. Yeah, mine is happy every month. I'm always overjoyed at it's arrival (actually I AM thrilled because it means I'm not pregnant and don't have to worry about being a terrible mother to a poor, innocent soul).
Classic.

[Biciclista]

rotfl!

I actually wrote a feminine products manufacturer critiquing one of their products and got gobs and gobs of coupons - which i used.

[channlluv]

Oh, now that is a hoot. Sketchy plan to go out in a blaze of glory, indeed.

I wonder what the exec thought about that letter. I wonder if they sent her a year's supply of coupons, too.

Roxy

[Ciao]

That's hysterical! Wonderfully written!

[GLC1968]

That is GREAT!

I just snorted out loud on a conference call when I read this:

I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants

And I had to fight tears of laughter at the rest of it. Beautiful!

[BikeDutchess]

I can't stop laughing!

[Flybye]

The first time that I unwrapped one of those babies I thought to myself "who was the idiot in charge of passing this phrase through to marketing". I did laugh though, but I like the irony of things.

[lph]

wonderful yowza!

I remember one ad that annoyed the h*ll out of me some years ago - a splitscreen ad, with one woman who used Libresse Night (I think) and some other poor soul who used some inferior product. The woman using Libresse Night slept soundly throughout the night and rose with a happy smile on her face to make breakfast for her kids, the other woman tossed and turned all night, was up awake several times, and looked like a hag the next morning.

Uh, did they really think that women are in discomfort and sleep poorly because their pads aren't good enough and they're afraid of staining their SHEETS?

[pinkbikes]

Wow! I had no idea they put slogans on them!

Not sure if they do this over in the USA but our ads on TV here feature blue liquid being poured onto the pads to show how absorbent they are! Blue liquid? Are they kidding!?

[Bron]

Well do you want to know what they actually use for testing them?

[pinkbikes]

I hate to think!

[Dogmama]

Well do you want to know what they actually use for testing them?

OK, I'll bite...

Ooops, better make myself clear. Didn't realize I wasn't talking to a USA gal. Let me rephrase:

What do they use to test them?

[Bron]

That's fine, I understood.

Well one option is a mixture of egg white and blood orange juice. I can't imagine that that would look so good on an advert though!