Bridezilla!

[Fujichants]

Ok. So one of my best friends is getting married next year, and she told me yesterday over the phone that I won't be her maid of honor, but just a normal bridesmaid. Cool, I don't care, one less thing to worry about.

But now the problem is, she is turning into a complete bridezilla, and she tries to drag me to all her appointments (florist, lighting, photographer, linen, invitations, etc). Shouldn't that be the MOH's job? She told me today she trusts my taste and all...after spending 4 hours with her at the florist. Well, I don't care if you trust my taste or not, it frankly isn't my job!

What do I do? I don't know how to politely tell her: look, you should be doing this with the MOH.

And frankly, I am sick of hearing her say ridiculous things like:

"People who come to my engagement party better bring me a gift card because I do not want to get stupid picture frames. I will bash them in their head if they do"

"If they don't bring a gift, they won't be my friends anymore"

"I am going to tell people (some close friends of ours) that they are not invited because they won't like the food and they are not worth the $320/head"

"You better not be too tanned or lose any more weight because of running/cycling after we fit the dresses, because it will be a pain in the *** to change"

Seriously!! This usually sweet girl turned into a total monster!

[Zen]

Oh.
I see you're in L.A.
Think that might have anything to do with it?

Just tell her you're busy and give her a picture frame with a photo of you in it

[teigyr]

That is horrible! I know weddings are SO stressful, especially if they are large. Is this totally 100% against her normal character? If so, it might be time to distract her then ask her to step back and see what it's becoming. Marriage isn't about the wedding (though it sure seems like it at the time!), it's about the commitment to her spouse.

Of course that all being said, I remember calling DH at work (before he was DH) and informing him that I think I deserved a &*^% tiara. Fortunately, he agreed. That and he was impressed by the swearing.

I think you need to do what's best for you, too. Maybe you could ask her to tone it down a bit when she's around you?

[shootingstar]

Gee..fun.

You should acknowledge that she's stressed but a beautiful day like a wedding will be more enjoyable if she doesn't expect perfection..

Yes, it's alot of money...but she and fiance made that choice. I would slide out and graciously agree it's their money, but you don't need to hear every problem nor need to be there to help her decide how to spend her money..


How many people are invited to this wedding?

One of my cousins invited...800 people to their wedding. Yes, it was lavish..the ballroom was size of a football field. Yes, they are still married...

Sounds like bridezilla highjinks is good enough for...tv.

[Aggie_Ama]

Way too much emphasis is placed on the wedding and it makes brides crazy!! I remember flipping out because someone wanted to bring a plus one and I addressed the card just to them. Our budget was so tight and we have big families so I didn't want to not invite people and that plus one was just a budget buster (so I thought). In hindsight, I wanted a big wedding for my grandparents and you know what? My Pawpaw died 3 weeks to the day before my wedding and the Mexican food at the rehearsal was too much for my then 85 year old Mammaw who was too ill the next morning to come. My Nanny (Pawpaw's widow) was too emotional to go the reception and bawled through the pictures. The perfect wedding with my grandparents who I am/was very close to didn't happen.

I sold my dress because the stress of things out of my control left my wedding not the happiest day of my life. It was a good day but not the magic some people describe. Somedays I wish we had just ran off to the tropics and came back and thrown a low key party.

This wasn't about me, was it? :P But I can relate how weddings make you crazy and in the end it does not matter. My marriage is pretty damn good and that is what matters. Maybe you should give her that reality check.

[Becky]

This is why DH and I got married on a Friday night with 30 guests and a budget of $5K

Seriously though, our society places way too much emphasis on the wedding event and not nearly enough on planning a healthy, happy marriage.

Fuji, i'm sorry that you have to go through this. Sounds like your friend needs a little bit of a reality check. It's not about the party, or the gifts, or the food. It's about having your nearest and dearest friends and family there to witness the commitment of 2 people to each other. (I'll get off of my soapbox now...)

[tulip]

Fuji, it might be useful to talk to her in person when nothing else is planned--not at the florist or the caterer or the dressmaker. Try to get her in a reasonable moment. Then just be honest and tell that she's gotten a bit out of whack with this whole thing. Suggest that she write a list of the tasks that she needs company/help with, and a list of the MOH and bridesmaids. Most of the accompanying should go to the MOH. Since you're nice and helpful (but not a doormat), suggest a couple of things that you can help with. In other words, help her make it manageable on paper and then set your own limits.

She sounds really dreadful. She probably doesn't even realize it. IMO, people get obsessed about wedding planning because it's the only thing they can have control over. In some ways, the whole concept of getting married is one of giving up significant control of your life. Sharing your life can be wonderful, but there's a huge scary part to it, too. Maybe there's underlying stuff going on with your friend. Unless you can get her to a shrink, there's not much you can do about that other than listen if she has concerns.

Best of luck to you and your friend.

[indigoiis]

You know what? Chill. It's only a year, this is her big, once-in-a-lifetime event, and you just need to be there. Practice nodding sympathetically. It's only one more year and then it's over.

Just think, she does the same for you before a big event of yours that she might not take any interest in, but that you probably (like me) go on and on and on about, because it is current; it is what is on your mind. You can't help it. Neither can I. Neither can she.

Forget about duties and jobs. Be a good friend. She needs you to share in her excitement. I know bridezillas can be a big bore and intolerable in their glee however, as a friend to her, don't you want her to feel that?

I vote No big talks. I vote keeping your mouth shut and letting her do her thing. It's temporary - but friends are forever.

[indigoiis]

[QUOTE=Becky;361317]This is why DH and I got married on a Friday night with 30 guests and a budget of $5K
QUOTE]

I hear ya. Ours was 12 people (including the JOP and her husband, and me and the Mister), in our house, in the middle of a snowstorm in February.

And even THAT was stressful - because my husband is the only boy and his mom is a control freak. She was quite disappointed in the small size of our wedding. I think she was hoping for St. Patrick's and a guestlist numbering in the thousands...

[lph]

Imagine her obsessing about a huge ride she really really really wanted to do, but was worried about if she could manage. Try taking it from there

[Fujichants]

Thanks everybody for your advice!

I am going through a stressful time myself (job interviews, financial issues - BF and I had actually planned to get married next year, but now we are moving it up another year because of all the unexpected expenses around here). So in a way, I don't mind being dragged along to all these appointments, because I can keep in mind what to look out for and which questions to ask. But then again, BF works in catering & event services, so I have somebody who knows the ins and outs of weddings and how much things should cost, what to expect etc.

She is expecting me to cancel training/races/events that I have coming up in the future, that I registered for BEFORE she got engaged, and I just don't think it is right. Sure, if I were the MOH, I would understand and try to accommodate, but i'm not...and I don't feel like acting like one when i'm not.

She already had these kind of arrogant tendencies before, but I knew to ignore them. But now, they are coming out tenfold and she's managed to hurt one of our close friends already. (The girl is a bit overweight, but by no means obese, yet she called her an obese cow, hence she can't be a bridesmaid).

Got another "fun-filled" day with her today. I'm going to ask her why the MOH isn't around. And remind her that this is supposed to be a fun process, because she has the help of friends, who are there to stress out with her.

Thanks all!

[Deborajen]

That sounds like a good idea - just having a quiet talk when the MOH isn't around. Standing by your friends is important, but you have a life and feelings, too. It's o.k. to draw some lines for yourself and say "enough."

I just got to work and received a pre-invitation from a coworker. I'd never heard of that before, but she's getting married next May and gave everyone a little card with a picture of herself with her fiance - he was carrying her piggyback - it's a fun and playful picture. The card said, "Hold the date - May 23, 2009. Formal invitation to follow." I think that's cool, and it sounds like they're keeping it fun. Sounds like your friend needs to put some fun back into her planning process. Hope she settles down.

Deb

[sundial]

Stop being an enabler.

Keep your prior appointments, screen your calls, and spend more time on the bike.

[Becky]

Stop being an enabler.

Keep your prior appointments, screen your calls, and spend more time on the bike.

Dang, that's some good advice right there!

[Fujichants]

Stop being an enabler.

Keep your prior appointments, screen your calls, and spend more time on the bike.

Hahaha! This girl knows when I screen her calls.

But I definitely agree to spending more time on my bike! Zulu is calling out to me.