Tension Relieving Responses...

[Mr. Bloom]

Yesterday, Silver and I were riding with our friend Dan (who just turned 60). We stopped at a convenience store in the small town of Elberfeld that we frequent.

While Silver was inside, a 6+ foot, 280 lb BUBBA (with FATBOY on the front license plate of his pickup) gets out of the truck and blurts out

"I'm going to stick those bikes up your D*** A****!

My response: "I'm sorry, did we do something to offend you?"

Of course, this led to a testosterone laden conversation which may have ended with me becoming one with my bike...although I truly sensed that this guy was just a bully but smart enough to know that we had photographed his license plate (and emailed the picture home for posterity...).

Anyway, testosterone laden conversations are not usually the best things at a time like this - - OK, I'll admit it... "Hi, my name is Mr. Silver and I'm a HOTHEAD sometimes"...and I'll admit that there was a better way to handle this...but it's not until later that you think of the better things to say. For instance, Dan came up with:

• Well, after 49 miles, it already feels like this bike is up my **** ***
• I'll be glad to do that with my 20 lb vehicle if you do it with your 4,000 lb vehicle
• I'm riding 100 miles today, do you think you might be able to do 100 yards?

Remember, I'm 5'7" (after getting off my inversion table) and down to 163 lbs now (heading to 153)...

Some would say "just say nothing", but I'm not that type. So help me come up with clever but disarming lines to lighten a moment like this...

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

...smart enough to know that we had photographed his license plate (and emailed the picture home for posterity...).
[/B]

Very smart.

[Crankin]

I like all of your responses. So did Mr. Crankin, who is also 5' 7". It IS probably better to say nothing, but I'm with you, I would say something. I can't figure out why people on bikes causes such rage in some.
Around here, it's more likely to be someone driving a big American car, like a Lincoln or Dodge, smoking a cigarette, on their way to the local spa (liquor store) to buy a six pack.

[Bad JuJu]

I thought the phenomenon of the Bubba was a southern thing. I guess they've migrated northward though.

If someone who doesn't know you gets out of his vehicle already angry with you for an unknown reason, probably nothing you can say will defuse that situation. Think about it: even if you try something like "Sorry, buddy--just trying to get in a little exercise," he's going to think you're trying to make him feel bad about his eminently exercise-free self. No matter what you say, he's going to take it badly.

I know it's hard to clam up when someone verbally attacks you with no provocation, but when we're out on our bikes, we're pretty vulnerable, so best to avoid conflict as much as possible.

[mimitabby]

No, there are Bubbas everywhere.

Raleighdon (at 5' 7 1/2") would have probably responded just like you
and then gotten very loud and ur, then he would have repeated a lot of words he learned in the Marine Corps.

Now, if it was me... I would have said, "I'm sorry; but you're going to have to catch me first" or something. nah, i'm never witty in a pinch; I'd say "Hava nice day"

[Mr. Bloom]

I'd say "Hava nice day"

That's a good response...albeit ungratifying

For the record:

• I didn't raise my voice
• I wasn't profane
• I used a firm tone, but remained calm

Around here, it's more likely to be someone driving a big American car, like a Lincoln or Dodge, smoking a cigarette, on their way to the local spa (liquor store) to buy a six pack.

Oh, so you saw him too????

[Trek420]

Very smart.

Probably the smartest response

then I'd say "well, sorry that you feel that way and that you're about to do that. My photo of your license plate has been sent to a cops e-mail address. I can send a message that I just thought it was a witty license plate. Shall I do that now? Or do you want it to be the last thing from my phone? I'm sure you sit in front of the TV with a beer and pork rinds and watch a LOT of CSI "

But seriously you don't know who/what you're dealing with out there and odds are real good that person is not well. I imagine being sedentary and that overweight he may be in a lot of physical pain. People are angry. They are mad about their jobs, the price of gas, they're mad about American Idol voted off their favorite .... people are angry, they get in a big truck, maybe he just filled up his tank ..... and there you are

It does not occur to them that we're not the problem, we're part of the solution.

Lastly I'm not a psychologist nor do I play one on TV but the nature of his threat, to cram the bike up your azz I think reveals some unresolved emotional issues. I think a man who is confident in his heterosexuality (I presume he's straight, or thinks he is) might think something along the lines of "you'd never catch me in lycra but ya know maybe I could use a little exercise. Maybe I'll get back to the gym or run or sumthin''".

And then say something like that to you and you could tell him "get MTB shorts! They are baggy." And challenge/offer to get him started cycling like you helped your other friend the one who fell on the tracks. How's he doing BTW?

I say he's a closet case. They are really the worst when it comes to overt threats, verbal abuse, violence and acting out. But again, I would not mention that to Bubbah ;-)

Best thing to do .... get outa the way.

[wackyjacky1]

Well, after 49 miles, it already feels like this bike is up my **** ***

LMAO! That one almost made me shoot my morning glass of Tab out my nose.

[Irulan]

why even dignify it with a reply? Nothing good can come of it. I know, wanting to reply really appeals to the inner caveman/wanting to protect & defend mode... but nothing you can say or do would changed his attitude, so why bother. It might make YOU feel better, but that just feeds into self justification and self righteousness ( the attitude of I'm right and he's wrong)

Take a deep breath, blow it off, and enjoy your day.

[Trek420]

Really the best response! You may have dodged a close one but don't let it ruin your ride. Let it go like water off a ducks back

You can't argue with these cyclist haters. Nothing you could say or we could come up with would change his mind, and most of it would escalate the situation.

[cyclinnewbie]

I had something sort of like this happen on Friday...some guy followed me down this steep hill near my house...very heavily travelled road, no shoulders, the kind of road where you need to get out and own your lane. This guy in a hummer was very upset that I was in the middle of the lane (although I was going speed limit...35mph) and followed me into the mini-mart and started to berate me and all bicyclists for being self-centered, ego-centric snobs who don't know the rules of the road, and how the next time he saw me on my bike he was going to "take you (me) out". I looked around at all the people standing around looking on and said "Really? Do you realize you just threatened my life with about 25 witnesses standing around?" Then the clerk said that her security camera had caught him tailing me into the parking lot with him leaning out the window yelling at me...luckily she had happened to glance at it. He looked rather angry, but drove off without any other exchange of words. Probably not the best course of action on my part, but hey, I'm a bit on the feisty side.

Needless to say I was a bit pi@@ed off and scared. Now I feel like I have a big ole bullseye on my back when I'm out riding. People are jerks.

[Tuckervill]

It took me about 15 miles on my own ride this morning to come up with this response:

"You'll have to kiss my a** first!"

But, no one ever wants to beat up a granny with a squeaky voice.

Karen

[Grog]

"I knew I was getting a little fat, but do you think my *** is THAT big??"

[Flybye]

When I was a high schooler, I worked at the drive thru at McDonald's. An out of stater (sorry California, you weren't represented very well that day!) got furious because we messed her order up.

I had to take the second bag (fixed order) of food to her outside in the waiting lane. She proceeded to lay it on me - used some of those drunk sailor words - I don't know where I came up with it, but I responded with a shrug and started faking sign language. Not the bird or anything crass, but like I was really trying to communicate with her via American Sign Language. She was dumbfounded. I was very satisfied and had a great laugh!

I think that comes under both the clever and disarming category!

Has your heart rate returned to normal??

Somehow, I think it would be hard to kick @ss while in spandex and slick hard soled cycling shoes. I am imagining something from a movie (was it Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon??) where you are freeze framed throwing your bike through the air with a Sidi karate chop to Bubba's mug. Paints a funny mental picture!

[mupedalpusher]

We have lots of Bubba's in Columbia...just last week two of them harassed Melalvai's 12 year old girl while they were out riding. I heard from another friend that another one yelled "ride your f------bicycle on the sidewalk" to a 10 year old boy in town as he rode to school! It takes a REAL man to harass kids on bikes.
I tend to get offended and fired up in a hurry so it's very hard for me to stay quiet. I have been counseling myself to say nothing...I don't want to get shot! I think there are a lot of folks on the verge of going postal these days and it will get worse as the economy declines. I've been practicing the "ignore and conquer" technique but if the guy harassed me in a parking lot like you experienced....I would have talked back in a heartbeat!!