I had an experience today that got me thinking about gender issues. I've noticed that, sadly, a lot of events targeted toward "women in science" are poorly attended and there just doesn't seem to be much interest from the women in science, particularly at the trainee (student/postdoc) level. To be honest, I felt this way for a long time, and it is as I've grown older than I've become more aware of how my gender affected school and work.

Today is a good example of that. I walked in to what I knew was going to be a difficult meeting, with my undergrad in tow. I had her with me mainly for moral support. She knew everything that was going on, and I had asked her to come to the meeting with me and to interrupt me if it looked like I was getting teary or emotional. She could probably explain what I was trying to say better than I could.

My soon-to-be-former-boss however is a traditional 51 year old white southern male. I have nothing against such a person, but... He refused to let my student stay in the office for this meeting. I was very angry. I seriously contemplated standing up and saying "If she can't stay, we can't have this meeting." Instead, I merely said, "You'd probably have less waterworks if you'd let her stay." And proceeded to prove myself correct in the subsequent animated discussion.

After the meeting, I thought about this some more, and I realized that if organizations are serious about diversity and gender and such, that they need to tell supervisors that if they have to have a difficult conversation with a female employee, it is a good idea to have another person present. I realized that if he objected to my student, his secretary would have been an acceptable alternative to me. (I call her "my" student. Technically she is if anyone's, his, but he sees her once in a blue moon, hardly remembers her name, and I'm the one she considers to be her boss. I write her recommendation letters and he signs them.)

That brings me to another issue: tears. Ages ago when I was an undergrad, I was on a netnews group (remember those?) for women in science. One day I posted that I don't like crying in front of professors and how do you keep that from happening? The first reply was from a male professor who ranted about how women precisely control their tears to get the most sympathy! A barrage of replies followed condemning him and supporting me but no one had an answer. I have an answer now: have a person with you to provide moral support. It's much easier if you can stop talking, swallow hard, but instead of an awkward silence that other person picks up with "What she means is..."