True Confessions

[kfergos]

I wanted to share this with somebody because I think talking about it will help, ultimately. So here goes.

Hi. My name is kfergos, and I’m afraid of falling.

In my head I know it’s not that frightening, and my experience with falling -- it must be well over a half-dozen times in the 18 months -- has confirmed this; I’ve never sustained any serious injuries while cycling. Last Saturday I was riding fast down a hill and rode through what looked like a big patch of water. I only realized my mistake as I found myself sliding, face down, along the road for what felt like an eternity. Miraculously, a short visit to the emergency room confirmed my initial assessment: I was fine. In fact, aside from what felt like a minor concussion, I had only one bruise to remember the experience by. I walked away feeling grateful that things had worked out so well.

Now, three cycling days later, I find my fear of slipping on ice has intensified to an almost unbearable level. I can’t trust myself to ride on even what looks like water, because it might be ice. I’ve found myself riding slowly, way out in the middle of the lane where I can see the road is dry for sure. If I have to cross what’s clearly a big patch of ice stretching all the way across the road, I’ll get off and walk across it. I get off and walk across the wooden bridge I cross every morning, because last fall I slipped on it and fell (sustaining, I might add, worse injuries in that fall than I did last Saturday). I see myself turning into a total wuss, despite having bought studded tires, which are almost certainly overkill for the roads I ride on, and I hate that. I’m frustrated. I want to not feel afraid of ice, afraid of riding faster than 10 or 12 miles an hour (which, on a 26-mile roundtrip commute, translates into way too long a ride), afraid of falling. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of, since I’ve fallen and walked away from it virtually unscathed. What I do know is that my courage, so carefully strengthened over months of riding in ice storms and subfreezing weather, shattered in that last icy fall.

I’m not going to stop riding. I won’t let fear rule me. But I’m still afraid, and I hate it.

[mimitabby]

i think a fear of ice is a good thing. a guy i know was going slow because he knew it was icy and he still fell and broke his hip.

[Veronica]

It takes time to overcome fear. I fell down a twenty foot cliff last June stepping off my mountain bike. Now I notice every "cliff", even when I'm riding on the road and have two big lanes between me and the drop off! I still get that tingle of apprehension running through my gut. It p!sses me off, that I can't just make the fear go away, but I think it's normal.

Give yourself time.

V.

[tulip]

You live in a place with lots of cold and ice. I recommend getting studded tires and putting them on a winter bike. They are fantastic. Nokian (NOT the phone company--common mistake) makes the best studded tires with carbide studs, but there are less expensive brands, too.

Not to add to your worries, but it's also best to stay away from puddles because you don't know how deep they are. The water could disguise a deep rut or pothole.

[Tuckervill]

Time will help.

I was attacked by a German Shepherd once--I went into his yard behind my brother, who didn't tell the dog I was coming. It didn't bite me, but it was in my face, snarling and it probably would have hurt me had my brother not stopped it. I have never been so scared in my life. For quite a while after that (years), I couldn't go near a dog that I didn't know, and any kind of bark that I heard would produce that feeling in my gut.

That feeling faded pretty well, and now I have 3 dogs in my house. Now I know what *not* to do with a strange dog, just like you know to get off and walk when there's ice. There's no shame in being safe, but it would be sad if you quit. You will gain more experience and the feeling will fade. Just don't give up.

Karen

[Melalvai]

I have a psychologist friend who says if you have a bad experience with something, it is important to get out and do it again right away before your brain has a chance to make a bad association with that thing. She ate a peach once that had maggots in it. She immediately got another peach, cut it open and made herself eat it, because she always loved peaches and she didn't want to hate them forever.

She did the same thing when she had a bad experience on an airplane. It had to make an unexpected landing.

I believe she has more balls than I.

[bikerHen]

Hey, I'm right there with you! I really suck at mtbing cause I totally panic when my wheels start sliding. So I limit my mtb riding to fairly tame stuff.

Enter winter riding! I so wanted to continue commuting this winter. Got the studded tires, did OK until the road were totally covered with packed snow and ice all the time. As soon as my wheels started moving around in the snow I started panicing again. I'm not talking about life threating I'm going down hard slipping, just what should be "controllable" movement of the tires.

My fear in falling is loosely based on the fact I'm on the verge of old fartdom and overweight. If I do go down hard, something gonna break! So my goal this summer is to spend some time mtbing and push/force myself to ride in sand and loose stuff and learn how to handle and recover from slipping. Experience is the best teacher, right? bikerHen

[Geonz]

I would also recommend getting studded tires - but even if you don't, here's what I would do, which is what most folks' parents did to teach their kiddos to drive in the snow.

Go out to a parking lot and gradually test your courage where the cars aren't there. If you need to, get knee and elbow pads. (I bought 'em but actulaly never put 'em on.) Teach through experience that water does not pick you up and bodily hurl you to the ground.

I have to laugh at myself sometimes because I'll *have* to go through a spot that's got a layer of snow or ice... and I'll get used to it and plug right along. Then things will clear up... and when I see the next spot, NO!! I'm out there avoiding it like the plague... so I steel myself...

Falls can be life-changing... but fear of falling can cause a fall or an accident, too. (That's why I got the Nokian Hakkelpiittas... gotta go check that spelling again... ) I luv my studs. I had second thoughts after I dumped that hundred bucks on 'em during the one single solitary heavy snow we had last year. Snork. This year... I am *so* glad I have them. (Welp, I also sold my car between then and now, so it's the bike or the bus and the bike is cheaper and more fun.)

(Mountain biking? SNORK! I *once* did the easiest not even a mtb trail, just off road a little bit. My freak threshold is just too low... more power to you who try!!!! )

[Crankin]

Well, I think a certain amount of fear is good, but that's why I'm not a good mountain biker. I am also on the verge of "old age" and I already have osteopenia. I've had a few crashes that ended up being nothing, but a bad fall would not be good for my bones. But, on to your issue. You live somewhat near me and I can say for sure that roads are the worst I've seen them in 17 years. We went out for a 20 mile ride 2 weeks ago. There were a lot of puddles and pot holes like I have never seen. Not so much right around my house, but in the next town, which was particularly bad. I grazed one puddle which must have had a pot hole under it and my bike started shimmying and I almost went down. I was able to control it, but it was scary because we were on a main road, with cars. I was riding my hybrid, which is heavy compared to my road bike. I saw lots of people out on road bikes that day and I can't believe they were having a good time!
The advice given about the tires is good, but I would ask myself what are your limits for riding? Some days it's just not worth it. I would not ride on some of the roads around here when there was snow or ice on them. You have to decide what's important: riding no matter what or taking a bit of a cautious attitude when it's really bad out.

[invsblwmn]

Like others, I think some fear is healthy. If it prevents you from doing what you love, keep facing the fear with the new tires until you feel you have mastered the situation. I try to distract myself. I have had a couple of accidents in the last year. After the first one, I was sooo paranoid about trucks. I would sing, curse, and give the princess wave whenever necessary to deal with the fear when it rose its ugly head. I know when I can ride again, facing fear of every ped xing could be a challenge. As a former therapist and ugly accident survivor, all I know is to face what I fear with knowledge until I fear it no more. Good luck to you. Take care. Don't give in.

[redrhodie]

Half a dozen falls in 18 months is a lot! I'd be scared, too. Is it always ice related? Is it always on the same bike?

Because you haven't sustained serious injury so far is no reason to convince yourself your fear is unfounded. You've been lucky. You hit your head! I'm worried for you!

Also, those things you've mentioned that are making you feel like a wuss (not going through puddles, and slowing down to 10-12 miles an hour) are how you're supposed to ride on ice. Those are good bike skills. That's what you're supposed to be doing. It will add time to your commute, but if you were in a car, your commute would also take longer. Ice deserves your respect.

[mimitabby]

Also, those things you've mentioned that are making you feel like a wuss (not going through puddles, and slowing down to 10-12 miles an hour) are how you're supposed to ride on ice. Those are good bike skills. That's what you're supposed to be doing. It will add time to your commute, but if you were in a car, your commute would also take longer. Ice deserves your respect.

+++++

[shootingstar]

Mimitabby has made a good point, that perhaps even in car, your car, the big monster, could slide abit too if you weren't paying attention.

Since living in Vancouver I've fallen 3 times. The last one...was freakishly scary, a path that was sheer ice all the way around. I was damned if I tried stopping, and damned if I kept going.

So I kept on going and ...fell on the ice, in slow motion. towards the end of the path. Ironically this was in the new future 2010 Olympic athletes' village area that's under construction. I was not hurt much, just late for an art class.. It did bother me for a few hrs. Ice had melted off 4 hrs. later when I biked home.

I've been very lucky so far, each time I fell, it has always been black ice, where ironically I was going slow. Another time I fell on icy road while going up a hill.

I don't have tire studs. Do I plan to get them? no. Simply because in our area black ice and snow on the mainland at the foot of mountains...doesn't actually get much snow ...compared to other parts of Canada. When it does snow and there's ice, I won't cycle.

I know alot of highly experienced, strong cyclists who simply don't ride if their winters are often snowy and icy. this is very true in toronto, which has similar winters to Massachussetts.

As for my precautions that I take...I was hit as a pedestrian in the winter when I was a teenager. In front of a life insurance company. It is possible thereafter, I just take more precautions. I go through times where I forget about this accident, it is almost like denial that I could have permanently disabled, etc. If a small car hits you with a certain impact, you could be thrown onto of the hood..

[7rider]

Well, your sig line kinda says it all..."Never give up. Never surrender."

Sounds like you already have studded tires. Check out MassBike: http://www.massbike.org/index.htm - look at the "Skills" tab and also call them and see if they have any safe bike riding classes offered (I know WABA does from time to time).

Discretion is the better part of valor....sometimes it IS best to just walk it. But perhaps you can go back to platform pedals (if you have clipless) as a start until you have more confidence on the bike. Also...can I assume your bike fits you okay and isn't too big and unstable for you?

Good luck and take heart...spring is just around the corner!

[kfergos]

Thank you all for the encouragement and good advice. I feel much better. I do, in fact, have Nokian studded tires -- the skinniest ones available, with just a few studs. I've never slipped on ice with that bike and those tires; my fall last weekend was with my road bike and slicks, which was clearly a tactical error on my part. I guess I just don't know what's normal for riding in winter conditions, so I've just been doing my best. I have been meaning to ask, too, what you guys would do in the following situations:

1. Riding over a wooden (!) bridge in wet conditions or after it's snowed.
2. Riding over 5 steel plates in a row in wet conditions or after it's snowed.