hubby

[bikeforlife]

i know a lot you you women have great husbands that let you ride till your hearts content. but what do you do with a husband that does not like you riding at all?

i mean he says you will get killed and you dont know what your doing or what if somthing happens or the best one of all "it will take you to long to get back"

i just dont know what to do or say to him. maybe i should find a new husband or get a boyfriend on the side that likes to bike like me. what do ya think.?

[Irulan]

He's probably very concerned for your safety but maybe can't communicate it very well.

If it were me I'd directly ask, ( it's amazing how many people won't be direct) and then let him know what all you are doing to be safe, and ask what else you can do (besides not riding) that would ease his discomfort.

Irulan

[ACG]

You and I can sit for hours about this. E-mail me directly if you like.

While mine doesn't come out and see he doesn't like it, he often has the same comments. I think it is the time away from him that he doesn't like. I've often point blank asked him about it and he denies it. He did try to bike with me and got hit by a car. (Still recooperating). I had to stop riding to take care of him, I was really depressed at that time.

I go in the early a.m. I start at 5:15 or 5:30 and am gone for an hour, this is my ritual. On weekends I go for 2-3 hours. I'm not into mileage as much as I like to ride hills somedays, flat land other days, etc. I'm planning on training for a century once my new bike comes in. My girls are way more understanding that dad is, the encourage me sometimes to go. It is funny if I'm in a foul mood they say "Mom go ride your bike for an hour, it'll improve your mood"

I cycle, this is what I do, period. I've never had anything before that I felt so dedicated in doing, so this is a first for him. I thrive when I cycle. I come home with a smile from ear to ear.

I don't know what to tell you, encourage him to go with you, encourage him to take up a hobby that he can do when you are gone. Tell him, this is your focus, ask him to be supportive.

[Maine-iac]

I'd have to agree with that advice. Asking directly may be the way to go and definately talk about it. We all react differently to our fears. My significant has gotten better about the fear of my riding which I think was hard because I'd already had a very severe and life threatening accident. I explain how I ride to protect myself and how I react to different situations that occur.
Good luck and be glad he is concerened despite how it comes across. Let him know you appreciate his concern.

[maryellen]

hey, it's not just hubbies. My partner (a woman) does not like my cycling. She's made her peace with it (I think!) because she sees how happy cycling makes me, but it's not her preference for me.

reasons:
1) fear that something will happen to me (yeah, I am a klutz). As a result, when I ended up in an ER after a crash last year, I asked the police *not* to contact her (I was sure I was ok and thought it was better to call myself and say, hi, I had a fall, but the CT scan is fine).
2) I bike on weekends, the only time we really have together.
The reality is that she is a bit of a couch potato. If I'm not out biking, I'd be running errands, etc. She really wants me to sit with her and watch tv or something-- that's not gonna happen even if I'm not biking.
3) like any new enthusiast, perhaps I go on and on about my rides, my bike, etc. a bit?????

The irony is that part of the reason I started biking was that I was looking for an activity we could do together. She has a very demanding job and I thought if we planned to go on group bike rides together, if she had to go to work at the last minute, I could still go on the ride without any resentment.

She used to bike and even has two bikes. We have biked together on vacation last year (we've been together 11 years but I only learned to ride last year). It went well, though she isn't quite as interested as I am in long rides, shall we say!

A developing situation. But I gotta ride.

[Irulan]

I don't ever mean to be exclusionary if I use the term hubby instead of a more generic term... as you long as you have some one to love, I don't really care who's got whom. I myself will try to be more sensitive!!

Irulan

[Maine-iac]

I've certainly not taken offense. I actually ended up getting a "knock around" bike so I could go out with my partner in a very lowkey situation. She'll never be INTO cycling let alone addicted to speed or the road. I think it was a good thing.

[Mocha Mom]

bikeforlife -

That's a bit of a bummer that hubby isn't quite "on board" with you and biking. I would have to agree with one of the other posts to ask him directly why he doesn't like it. May or may not get an answer. I've found that being direct and honest is the best for my husband and I.

Is there anything that he does that's his "thing?" For instance - my husband loves to waterski and I love volleyball... so, we watch each other do our things and it's a little give and take. Luckily for us, we both like to bike - we have a tandem.

Hope it all works out for you and hubby!!

[Pedal Wench]

Arghh.

I had an ex-husband who would do a similar thing. I had to beg and plead to have 45 minutes to do some exercise, alone, in the basement - not even outside of the house. He just couldn't deal with me wanting to do something without him, and became real resentful, and would sabotage my efforts. I finally resorted to locking the door. I gave up when he would use his cellphone (from upstairs) to call the house and wait for me to pick up just to say,'I LUUUUUV you - when are you coming upstairs!' Arghhh. He had to GO. Now, I'm with a man who rides, supports and encourages my habit (I think he's getting me a bunch of jerseys and bike stuff for my birthday tomorrow!!!!) and helps me clear out my schedule so that I can ride - alone! He's the best. I'm gonna let this one STAY!

[Steph_in_TX]

Definitely talk to him about it. I used to be the one who was afraid for my husband's saftey and didn't want him to take off on these hours long rides. Granted I had a three month old at the time and probably still had major hormones, fear of raising this child alone, tired of being the one to take care of her all the time by myself, etc., but it was a fear I couldn't get over. I told him how I felt and he was sensitive about it and just went for shorter rides at first or rode with a friend, which made me happier, and tired to go early in the morning before the baby was up. It didn't take me long to get used to it, I guess since he kept coming home in one piece. He even encouraged me to get a bike and ride, too. I started on a hybrid with a trailer for the kiddo, but quickly decided I wanted something lighter for solo rides and got a road bike. Hopefully, you'll find a happy place where you can ride and he can either be happy about it or just get over it.

Good luck!

[fasteryet]

bikeforlife- just wondering if he's like this just with cycling or with other interests of yours. If it's only the cycling, then I agree with everyone else about reassuring him, etc. But if it's all your other passions, too, maybe it's time to talk to someone professional. Is he a control freak in general? Not to be melodramatic, but will your biking lead him to become abusive? Just something to ponder...

[bounceswoosh]

but will your biking lead him to become abusive?

Just a syntax change here, though I know what you meant. Her biking can't lead him to become abusive. His own personality and need for control might.

I know this should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway: your activities don't cause someone to abuse you. If your s.o. is that sort of jealous control freak, they will find an excuse for "why" they need to control you, no matter how innocuous what you're doing is.

But hopefully, this isn't the sort of situation bikeforlife has to contend with. Hopefully, her hubby is either run-of-the-mill needy or concerned for her safety. Though needy can be draining, too.

(What's with this "it'll take too long to get back" business? Too long in relation to what? Do you leave for days at a time?)

[bikeforlife]

thank you all for your coments i know he is just worried and protective. i think a lot of it is me but it is hard sometimes to not get mad at him when he tells me all this stuff. and i do understand ACG it looks like our hubbys at about the same and by the way i did try to e-mail you but you dont allow e-mails to be sent to you on this forum

thanks again ladies

[Trek420]

bikeforlife wrote "what do you do with a husband that does not like you riding at all?"

I'm glad someone brought this back up (see link below for old thread) . No worries about taking the "hubby" thing personal at all. I'm a single gal, and gay. My ex rode (not as much as I) but now...back in the dating pool (everybody, no running in the dating pool!) sorry, bad pun, groan

Sure are a lot of couch spuds out there and the ones who do work out have this same fear (you'll get hurt) of cycling. It's become something I'll ask before even agreeing to go out on a date is "do you bike?". When I explain, "this is my hobby, this is what I like to, need to do" I've been told "I think you have a couple screws loose" ;-)

more on this subject at an old thread
http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showt...=relationships

[kpc]

My husband doesn't do much in the way of riding, and used to whine about my going out to ride. We seem to have found a peace though. When he starts i remind him of his fun, for example meeting his high school friends for guy nights. And I'm in a groove for weekend mornings, he just expects I will be gone for a few hours. If I'm doing something different I warn him a few times in advance that I will be gone. I think it helps him feel like he has some control. If my going out will put obligations onto him, such as watching grandkids alone, I actually ask way ahead and let him say no. He is usually positive now.